paper tigers and long dead dragons

demons have a way of coming back

I hate the drama
of calling it
trauma
or admitting to myself
that I am afraid
of paper tigers 

and long dead
dragons...
how many times 

do I have to tell myself 

the leash
you have on 

me is

all in my head?

you pull the trigger,
and for a split second
I vacillate,
hesitate,
want to ...
capitulate,
feel the bullet sink in,
slide so sweetly
under 

my bruised skin --
just let you in,
to teach me
a lesson 

or two.

that paper tiger

is burned

with all 

I have

learned

the dragon

is slain ...

along 

with your 

name --

that's not who

I am anymore,

and I won't

let you.

Author's Note

Coming to terms with the end of an abusive relationship

Reviews

[ANM]

I'm glad you escaped... A powerful poem !!!

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for your kind words.

[ANM]

You are welcome!

[Pryde Foltz]

First off the title is brilliant .... and I can relate to this write all too well. It only takes a crack in thought and in those fire breathing tigers pounce. Tigers, dragons and tears ....

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you, and I am sorry you can relate, on any level, but I suppose a lot of people do.

[Pryde Foltz]

And for that we have poetry:)

[willweb]

I don't know what grabbed me harder, your poem or the notes. I wish I knew the magic words that would slay these dragons and shove the demons back under the bed, but I don't. I hope writing this has helped some. I enjoyed your poem today, just not the truth it holds.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you, and yes, writing for me is a necessary part of keeping the demons at bay. And a reality check.

[Lyn Anderson]

A few years ago I was sitting in a police station explaining "my situation" to a police officer, who wasn't very nice, or empathetic, and told me one of us or both of us would end up dead. I worked out any and all manners of logic to let the ex back in, in a disastrous in home separation that lasted a year and a half. My ex never beat me. The physical stuff was limited to damage to items, shoving, and getting in my face. Occasionally I had to duck when something got thrown. I am luckier than many, and not as lucky as some. The psychological hold this has on a person after the fact is not a rational thing. When It takes all your will power to just not give in, you know that person still has a powerful hold over you. Anyone who wonders why any rational person would put up with this crap just hasn't experienced the kind of systematic soul breakdown that emotional and/or physical abuse has over the abused. Anyone knows it's wrong to be yelled at or hit etc., that isn't what keeps you where you are. They break you down, bit by bit, till there is nothing left of who you were. They hold on to your shell until you can sneak away. Some abused people never break free, some die trying. Like I said, I am luckier than most.

[Steve L.]

Damn...This one is very poignant...and defiant...excellent work.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you, I appreciate it.