paper tigers and long dead dragons

demons have a way of coming back

I hate the drama
of calling it
trauma
or admitting to myself
that I am afraid
of paper tigers 

and long dead
dragons...
how many times 

do I have to tell myself 

the leash
you have on 

me is

all in my head?

you pull the trigger,
and for a split second
I vacillate,
hesitate,
want to ...
capitulate,
feel the bullet sink in,
slide so sweetly
under 

my bruised skin --
just let you in,
to teach me
a lesson 

or two.

that paper tiger

is burned

with all 

I have

learned

the dragon

is slain ...

along 

with your 

name --

that's not who

I am anymore,

and I won't

let you.

Author's Note

Coming to terms with the end of an abusive relationship

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Manipulative behaviour, so destructive. Had that once not any more. Love the punchy finish.

Chris

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks so much for reveiwing this piece

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome

[Lyn Anderson]

Looking at old comments I have reworked it a bit. Interesting to revisit old pieces some times.

[Chris Shaw]

Yes I agree. A poem is never finished.

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

feeling so linked in the empathy of I wish he were a better man...that I become the addict of the addict...make no difference the vice....when all one feels is pain, it becomes necessary to feel the life of it.

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes. Knew we had a link. You and me.

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

Sadly I spent too many of my good years looking for the man that peeked out...but the one he had no desire to be. I'm not sure what the link between you and me is...but you are extremely familiar in my mind and it's odd I don't feel like that with very many.

[Lyn Anderson]

I am good at relating to others who have been through similar to me ... thanks, I reworked the poem a little. Not sure if it settles here or not.

[Ruth]

Only so many times we can self punish to find empathy for the self...we do eventually cease to let them win us over and see our worth....powerful as always xo

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.

[MomzillaNC]

I like this piece. It's so hard to stop letting someone you love or loved set you twisting in the wind with their manipulations.

NOTES: I think your title is phrased more poetically than the lines here:
"of paper tigers and
dragons long dead,"

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, while I do agree, I wanted it to flow with head in the lines below. I have my rhyme reasons even if they make sense only to me.:)

[MomzillaNC]

That's cool! My notes are only ever suggestions. I just hope you'll keep your reviews of my own work equally and baldly honest.

[Lyn Anderson]

Always, but you see how it would take away the subtle rhyme if I reverse it? That's why.

[MomzillaNC]

I did see that when I read it. It's just that the title caught my eye on the feed, which is how I came to review this poem. Honestly, I'd have liked the see that line worked in more than once. It's a really great line of stunning imagery.

[Lyn Anderson]

So. After 3 years I have revisited this piece and switched up the dragons and reworked the last stanza. I am not sure if this is where it settles or not

[MomzillaNC]

Well penned

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks m' lady. Sometimes it takes time and perspective.

[Einstein Noodle]

nice one KL .. can be taken many ways (as poetry should in my opinion) but the theme of domestic abuse is clear .. your poem "paper tigers and long dead dragons" (great title) also comes across as personal .. there are some lines i think are packed with your personal power; over, not only the past, but the present as well .. with an eye on the future .. the eye of the tiger perhaps ;) i also like the human honesty in this .. seeing our weaknesses is a buttress to our castles .. great job! love it! good for you! keep your guard up and your jab fast and furious :))
E.

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, this is highly personal, for sure. It's something I had to say, thank you.

[ImSJ]

Simple and direct. Isn't it strange how you can express something so personal and then find out so many others have experienced the same thing? Where the heck were they when you needed to be told " Don't do that! " I sure wish I knew.

The first stanza was the best of the first two. I think the second would have been better had you carried over the leash simile rather than the gun and bullet.

For some reason I want to see the ultimate line end with "d****t!" But that's just me.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for the review. I suppose, were it composed simply as a poem I might change it, but I shall let it stand as is, because that is how I saw it at the time. Have you ever heard of tying a dog up to a tree and putting a bullet in it? And as for the d****t, I have lots of those, just not in this particular piece. Thanks for the words and taking the time.

[AprilRN1210]

wow... talk about affecting... yep... this one hits home for me... the lines that takes the cake...

"how many times
do I have to tell
myself the leash
you have on me
is all in my head?".... real... honest.... wise.... and empowering once we come to this realization...

could quote a review you left for me, but shall paraphrase.. they may fk with our head, but we come back even stronger, as they don't break us... well done girl!... ((hugs))

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you, so true, and I am glad this resonates with you.

[Matching Socks]

The last two lines bring some closure. Some.
There never really is full closure. Or maybe there is...
Excellent job KL. It hurts, but this sort of punch I don't mind.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks. It isn't truly closed, but it is shut, if you know what I mean.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I relate to this brave self critique. Strange how the shaddows still haunt us and the questions spin around in our heads causing us to sway between wounded victim and defiant resolver of our own destiny.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much, and yes, this is a tough thing to face, and to get past. Getting over it? Don't think that is entirely possible.

[Cody Williams]

I hate drama too. This is a great write KL! Thanks for sharing it!

-CW

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for reading and reviewing.

[Cody Williams]

No problem at all.