I can't forgive you

I am sorry I wrote this. I was reluctant to post it. I may take it down. It comes from the darkest of places and the most personal of pains.

It is hard for me to remember you,
and not the horrible things
you said and did.

you had a great light,
and a big heart,
but anger clung to you

like silky webs
that wouldn't let you be
who you should have been.

The day of your daughter's funeral,
you asked the priest
if she went to heaven,
considering what she did.
The priest reassured you, yes,
because God is forgiving and good.

It is people who cannot forgive, including me.

I won't forgive you for telling your other daughter,
"It was the wrong kid I found hanging from that tree."

I won't forgive you for saying
"I will leave this house over my dead body,"
and fulfilling your own prophecy ...

I won't forgive you for the death of the second, either,
but I hope that God did,
and that you are together, somewhere,
you Three.

Author's Note

I know some people hate poetry that is personal, feeling we should only post peripheral visions of life. All I know is personal, all I write is either empathy for others or from my deepest heart.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

i can not imagine the difficulty of your walking through this ... i feel so sorry you carry this pain ... i am very glad you shared it with us ..and let us know that is is personal ..i think when we say it and write it ...when we all share our difficulties ..those that will empathize ...will listen ... feel the heaviness of someone else's sufferings .. and i believe with all my heart, as a result, that our pain is lessened by it ...so appreciate i can call you friend KL!
E.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. Take my pain and multiply it by infinity for the daughter and mother who remain.

[Einstein Noodle]

:( ....willingly my friend

[Coyote Poetry]

Words and actions done. Bad deeds are never forgotten. You told a sad story in the poetry. My dear Grandfather was right. "Nothing good to say. Say nothing. Words and actions can cause permanent separation. Thank you dear friend for sharing your powerful poetry.
Coyote

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for your review. Words can be more painful than any physical injury we inflict.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree and you are welcome my friend.

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

This is a devastating and painful piece. It is beyond what I can imagine any mother, or human saying to her child. There was a move long ago, I think it was called Ordinary People. I am reminded of it by this. The brother in that died in an accident, but the whole movie was about the unveiling that the mother wished the surviving brother had been the one who died. It was such a poignant and painful movie to watch. This that you have written is a powerful punch to the heart. I want to think it cannot be, but I know it is. This must have been very painful to write, but it stands as a testament of heartache.

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, no one should ever do that, or say that -- the father that did this was a good man, somewhere in his heart, he just let his pain lead his mouth and his actions, and unfortunately, the consequences were devastating for his ex wife and his remaining daughters, only one of whom is still alive.

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

So tragically sad.

[Fran Marie]

This is a most profound piece...a lot of pain with deep feelings expressed

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. This one I wasn't even sure I would leave up. I can't really read it without feeling it.

[stars are far]

wow, that was so strong and the feelings were very hard here, well done.. bravo

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much for stopping by.

[MomzillaNC]

Wow. Just… wow. No words.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you, I know this is a hard one, especially for a Christian. Believe me, I wrestle with it everyday.

[MomzillaNC]

It is very hard. But, ultimately, we forgive so we can move on. Forgiveness is to our benefit because holding on to the pain empowers the one inflicting the pain.

[realmwriter]

We can forgive, if we choose too, but it is entirely in our hands to choose to do so. Not always the easiest thing for us to do. I can't pretend to know what it is to live with this kind of pain. I can only know my own and in so doing, maybe at least identify with yours.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much, I appreciate the kind words.

[realmwriter]

You are most welcome.

[icelandicblue]

Jaysus...who the hell does that? Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, if there is a higher being doling it out so be it but what some people do to their kids, there is no circle of hell deep enough. I am so taken aback by this, your poem is an arrow dipped in tears. I am so very sorry.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for picking this one up. Yes, forgiveness is something not always easy to give, especially when the wounds are this deep.

[Matching Socks]

When in doubt always post. Trust me.
:-)
xx

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks, this one was an ache I had to rip out.

[MsJewel]

There are some things we can never forgive ~ the pain is too deep. Your words are haunting....

:) Julie

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks for reviewing. Hugs:)