putting it away -- for now

Kara looks back and closes the book for now

She honestly never knew she was abused. She just dealt. She did not have any black eyes, or any scars you could see. There are scars only on the inside. She needs to know now she did the best she could with the tools she had at the time. She was not stupid or weak. She functioned because she had to, and now she needs to find a way to grieve the part of herself she lost, forgive her and move on. She talks to a friend, her mom, and she tells some of it to her counsellor. She opens a box. She puts the worst of it away. She writes a poem. She closes the book for now. Until she is strong enough again.

I need to go back and tell her
everything is going to be all right.
I need to let her know it won't be
like this forever
and in a few thousand days there
will never be another night
like the few thousand before.
I need to go back and tell her
it's going to be okay.
I need to hug her
forgive her
and let her go.
she isn't now and never was
a c**t b***h lying fat cow stupid ugly w***e
she isn't now and never was
and won't be any more.

Reviews

[Claire in VA]

Words are like toothpaste; once you squeeze them out the tube, you can't put them back in. The results are devastating. Great write!
Claire

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much for your kind review.

[David Scott]

You poem tells a truth few want to hear. Our words are able to literally abuse our children and friends more so than if we hit them or cut them with knives.
I hear mothers and fathers treat their children like scum... They would kill anyone else for speaking this way to their children, but they can speak these word s without a thought... odd.
There is a manipulation with these insults as well. There is a bargaining of love and affection. There is a manipulation of control and power. There is a "yanking of the chain" to keep the child collared and leashed by their very hearts.
I wish more teens were taught to use their words carefully and lovingly. Instead, we see our children practicing this abuse with their friends and with the weaker children around them. Oh, I know we are all civilized and kind in front of people when they are watching, but behind the scenes, at home for parents, or when the adults are gone for children, we become savage far too often.
Well, I am ranting now... ha. You told a story well in this short poem and you prick the conscience of the reader with a sharp reminder.
Great write.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks for your "rant" and I think the most annoying question is "did he hit you?" Implying that as long as he didn't, it wasn't abuse. We buy into that mindset, and that is what is makes women spouses stay, and children take it without telling anyone.

[David Scott]

Ah... Yes. Husbands and wives too. We tend to think we deserve an award if we don't abuse each other with our words. Common courtesy is not so common between spouses. Disrespect and seems to be an accepted norm in our society. Sad and beyond.
BTW... On a related topic ... I wonder why women don't want to have sex with their husbands??? Duh!

[Yellow Butterfly]

Powerful piece on a subject matter that is just heartbreaking... abuse in any shape or form is not acceptable.. though this piece you have constructed is....

Brilliantly penned....

YB

[Coyote Poetry]

Word abuse is the worst. Can leave permanent scars. The story was intense in the poem. The closing lines bought the poem to a sad ending. I believe after the words are said. It is too late for take backs or forgiveness. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Lyn Anderson]

yes, sometimes, some words just cannot be taken back. Those of us who love our words and chose not to use them as weapons understand this.

[Coyote Poetry]

My wise Grandfather taught me."Nothing good to say. Say nothing. Negative words and actions can cause permanent separation."

[MsJewel]

she isn't now and never was
and won't be any more.

An amazing poem - strong and powerful - and the ending seriously gave me goosebumps.

:) Julie

[Lyn Anderson]

Wow. Thanks, I appreciate that very much.

[Corset]

I think I enjoyed this one most of all your writes that I've read so far. There is a strong language here that accompanies strong feelings, and a feeling of realization and forgiveness, we say things in our heads that we would and should never say out loud because once we say them they become weapons.

[Lyn Anderson]

Ahh yes, thank you. I know why you like it. You like words that are clear and emotional, and true to life, like you. Thank you for stopping by.

[m.s.early]

she isn't now and never was
and won't be any more.

I understand this seemingly ironic phrase... more paradoxical perhaps than ironic, and only those with a particular mindset will understand why this makes sense. It truly does. The mind is such a sponge for lies and evil can make one believe that lies about ourselves are true.... lies that we can believe. Fed poison soup long enough, we'll come to depend on it. "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness", is how the song goes (I believe).

You capture a great torture and the deliverance from. The final punch of hope at the end of the piece is a powerful one.

[Lyn Anderson]

Spot on and right back at you.:) paradoxical truth. I like that. And I think a poem is inside there, once I get some sleep.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Oh if only we could go back in time and forge ourselves for the self abuse we shelled out from outside influences. If only…

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, well, back in time is not an option, and not one I would want at this point. Thank you for the review.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Tis my pleasure.

[icelandicblue]

We grow and wish we could tell our former selves it will all work out. Your poem carries the extreme weight of abuse. If only she knew there would be a light shining out of the darkness. This truly touched me.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much. I am glad it is reaching more people than my writing usually does. It is kind of important.

[Eric Pudalov]

Hard to respond to this one, KL...but it's very well done, and I can feel the genuine emotions and experience you're expressing here. I hope that the poetry is helping you work through your pain.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. That is the idea.