Radical Man-ectomy

Inspired by Delmar Cooper.

I had an itch
I couldn't scratch
or maybe it
was an egg
I couldn't hatch ...

A ringing in
my ears I could
not place ...

An ugly pimple
kept appearing
on my face ...

I tried my best
to make it better
took everyone's
advice to the
letter --
counsellors,
exercise,
weight loss and
meditation
once I even
took a vacation ...

Jumped on
the bus and
an old lady
looked at me,
in an instant
she knew
exactly what
was wrong with me

"HUN", she said,
"I know just what you need,
go home, don't be late,
don't hesitate, nor
vascillate, you can
take my gun,
and make sure it's done
with expediency,
a radical man-ectomy!"

            

Author's Note

captcha UNSIN -- no kidding.

Reviews

[Papaya]

Wait, what? I can do this?
Hmmmmmm.... If only it were not so hard to get a gun in Canada.
This is funny. I mean, I would never of course. :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Aww, thanks. I miss Delmar. He helped me a lot. And we fought like cats and dogs behind the scenes.

[Papaya]

I always enjoyed his writing.
Has he closed or just on a break?

[Lyn Anderson]

He didn't close out, just not here a long time.

[V]

Witty and sarcastic piece. I like the word invention. Well, that's what we all need at times, isn't it? ;)

[Lyn Anderson]

Most definitely. Thanks for peering back into my history!

[V]

You're welcome. :)

[barleygirl]

Oh hell yeah! This is hilarious & lighthearted & tongue-in-cheek to the point where you're looking a little like a chipmunk! *tee! hee!* I love the rhymes. I love the clever expressions for every suggested diagnosis & the first 3 stanzas are zinging full force! I love witty made-up words in general, but your final line takes the cake and ice cream too! I can only aspire to write something so clever & playful, when in the midst of something that bugs the crap out of me! *smile*

BTW, I just reamed two new members to this website, which compelled me to turn to more lighthearted pursuits (in an effort to shake my foul mood), and the lovely boomerang effect led me to this! Now if I could apply such a hilarious analysis (as yours, here) to my recent newbie issues, I'd be conquering all my woes!

[Lyn Anderson]

Well thank you my lady. This was a very fun piece. I wish my ex would have read it at the time. Now that I have had that 250 pound growth removed, I am much lighter.:)

[barleygirl]

I love it when we get to the point of laughing at the biggest mistakes we've made. I love "250-lb growth"!!!

[therisa]

Chuckling to myself, as I read your poem, KL. Am left wondering, does your radical man-ectomy work, as SRS, if so, could you do it, to me? Am about $30 k (US) short of paying for it, myself. And could you send that kindly old lady, in my direction, maybe she has a cheaper solution, for a SRS, than the medical community wants, with an arm and a leg, from each trans patient, they operate on. Thanks for the laugh, am feeling, a tad sad, today. Think it's the weather and the coming snow storm.

[Lyn Anderson]

Well, this one would not exactly be the kind you want, however, I get it. To your knowledge has any preop transperson tried crowd funding?

[therisa]

I have seen a few people do it, but it's something, the government should be paying, without any restriction to access. Currently, the government of Ontario only pays for a limited number of SRS, every year, and you have to go, to a clinic, in Montreal, which gets so-so rating from those, who the operations. I feel, it's a private thing, between a patient and the doctor, and not the entire world. This means, going through CAMH, which in its previous life, as the Clarke Institute, it was very transphobic, in its open hostility to the transcommunity. These scars run deep within the transcommunity, as a result.

[realmwriter]

Wow am I glad I am not the source of the pimple that kept popping up. I had to be excised in such a brutal fashion as to be evised. Yes I said evised, I made it up, what of it? This is truly an interesting and funny piece. I really like it. Evised: the less commonly used form of eviscerated.

[Lyn Anderson]

Ha ha very funny. No worries, my friend, glad you liked.

[TL Boehm]

Amen. sometimes you have to cut it of at the source. Very Funny!

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you, I appreciate it.

[MomzillaNC]

Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/

[Eric Pudalov]

OUCH indeed!! Hilarious too, KL - I'm glad you encouraged me to check out your latest work. And those captchas...they are really starting to freak me out. They're *so* on point sometimes, that it's as if someone is watching you write the poem, and then manually types it in. but probably not.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks so much. I loved writing this one, sadly, the title seems to be off-putting and people are missing out on the fun.

[Eric Pudalov]

Oh...I didn't find it off-putting - based on some other things you've written in the past, I can see why you would write something with this theme, and I take it with a grain of salt. But I do think it works better with the hyphen in there. I enjoy most of your poetry, and even if it sounds "anti-male," I don't take it personally.

[MomzillaNC]

Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/

[ron]

OUCH!!!
That hurt :(......

[Lyn Anderson]

It wasn't directed at you. My aim is pretty good. :)

[ron]

I was hoping it wasn't, thank you KL.

[MomzillaNC]

Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahaha of course that's the cure lol.Loved this cat and as I said "if you need help burying the body or body part ".I 'm your angel lol.This was great :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks so much. You know, it goes both ways, cats are good at burying their sh*t, lol

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol you crack me up Kit Kat .Deal if ever I have sh*t that needs burying I'm calling you yes ?

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes ma'am, and I will be there with bells on LOL

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahah I like bells lol

[MomzillaNC]

Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Watch out world, damn that was a feisty tale indeed. I must remember to wear my bullet proof vest.

[Lyn Anderson]

Ha ha very funny. Thanks for reading.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

It was my please.

[MomzillaNC]

Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/