It filled me

reconciling life with religion.

It filled me
lifted me
as it always
does -
the song
Kyrie Eleison
Forgive me
I feel humbled
soothed
comforted
and
peace
be with you
a smile
a touch -
Rooted in
tradition
ritual and
rhythm.
I no longer
expect
my church
to go along
with me -
I live with
the sins
I can
and beg
pardon
for the ones
I cannot -
divorced
displaced
I no longer
feel disgraced
I am
Catholic
in my
bones.

Author's Note

I am not interested in a debate about the merits of the Catholic Church's views. This is about my own personal journey reconciling my own actions and being content with my religion.

Reviews

[Caradoc]

I was Catholic once and, while the stories have lost all meaningfulness for me, existing only in the negative with all other religions, I do remember that song. I remember singing it in mass on Sunday. I remember loving the way it sounded.

So while their teachings are nothing more than lies to me, I can still enjoy the music.

"I live with the sins I can..."

Don't we all?

Well written, Kitty.

-Cara

[Lyn Anderson]

I have come to terms with my upbringing and my religion. I was gone for nearly half my adult life and returned, at peace, warts on me, warts on them. I have reached that spot where I truly do "take what I like, and leave the rest" Thank you for the review. Going back through my old poems has been a journey in and of itself.

[Caradoc]

Indeed. More than anything else, I can look back on my old poems, old stories, and see the steps I've taken. It's an enlightening journey. And you are most welcome for the review. :)

[Papaya]

I think it's amazing what a song can do.
Heal, encourage, forgive, accept, bring clarity.
Everyone has their own journey and finds themselves along the way.

[Lyn Anderson]

This is the truth. It really isn't about religion. It's about the path to self. Thank you for understanding that.

[Papaya]

Thanks, it's been fun going through your collections!

[TL Boehm]

catholic in my bones. what you said about being content with your religion. That's key. That's how it should be.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much for taking the time.

[Rita L. Sev]

This one choked me up a bit... Raised Catholic, parochial school through high school, then Catholic college; I now teach theology and am the Religion coordinator in a Catholic school - and yet, I too struggle with the "then and now" versions of the faith... with my own transgressions, and questions. I have jokingly said that I am more "culturally Catholic and spiritually Buddhist", but the reality is - it's in my bones too. A great and thoughtful write...

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Well it is like most things, we are reared on the church, wholesome spirits, and ethical substance, we all stray from occasion and not all of us are as lucky, but I do not deny those that cling to that hope. A good read.

[Frieda P]

I felt that Catholic in the 'bones'....seems no matter what, we always resort back to our old upbringing, like it or not.

[David Scott]

The phrase, "I no longer expect my church to go along with me", tells me more about your state of mind than almost anything else in this poem.
I don't think we beg forgiveness or pardons as much as we learn to accept it and offer it to others...
Forgiveness is something free to any who will receive it. I think you actually are at this point as well because you say, "I no longer feel disgraced".
Anyone who has "grown up in the church" will understand this poetry well I think.
One thing I will add to this thought would be, "I no longer expect myself to go along with my church to be a part of its body". The left arm can pick its nose for all I care and I will be content to be the right hand penning poetry... they are both connected to the same Heart.

This is a wonderful place to be... reconciled.