naked feet

I have a lot of love/hate poetry. This is one of my top personal favourites of all time.

i didn't hear it coming
sneaking up behind me
on naked feet.

i didn't know what was
waiting in the dark
when i curled up
and went to sleep.

i didn't smell the
predator crouching
in the closet
in the forest
or the back seat of my car.

i didn't pay attention
to the rustling of the leaves
the hot breath
on the back of my neck
and the soft thud
at the foot of my bed.

i didn't see a thing

i didn't hear it coming
sneaking up on me
a baseball bat in hand
till i felt
the wood slam into my skull
the bones snapping
like peanut brittle the
taste of copper salt
and blood
i swallowed when i
tried to scream
wrenching the air out
of my lungs when
a naked foot
connected
with my ribs
i thought
this is what it
feels like
to
die.

i didn't see love coming
till it clubbed me
over the head.

Author's Note

I still think this one is romantic, in its own weird way.
http://blog.oneplusinfinity.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/barefoot.jpg

Reviews

[Matt Sayer]

Wow! The tension escalates perfectly, from frightened confusion to concrete fear to corporeal pain. The structure and flow serve as much as the words, and the second-last paragraph really conjures the panic-stricken cacophony of suffering. The last paragraph casts a completely new light on everything that came before, and left me with a smirk of revelation I did not see coming at all.

Love can bleed and bruise as hard as any physical weapon, and you have wonderfully portrayed that here. Great work :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Sometimes I write something I just love and everyone looks at me like I have an extra head growing out of my shoulder. This is one of those poems non poetry people look at with confusion and think I need a straight jacket - but it will always be one of my favourites. Thank you. Your perception and evaluation are exactly what is intended in this piece.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A very interesting metaphor to use to depict love. Brutal images of a harsher sentiment until the final stanza. Clever in that I did not see it coming!

[Joyce S. Greene]

Love handled in the wrong way by the wrong people can, indeed, crack you in the skull, K. And, metaphorically, love is such a powerful emotion that we often "see stars" when we fall in love. Great job with this one - I didn't realize where you were going until the very end and then I appreciated the journey you had taken me on very much.

[Sami Khalil]

I like this alot. I was in suspense till the end before I gave a sigh of relief and a smile ...Bravo.............

[Mark Haines]

I felt it as well while I read these words. At the time I didn't know it was ultimately love, however.

[sayed Mudasir Ali]

You need training for your poetry ..........Although I would love to read you more and more but something s wrong in this poem

[Lyn Anderson]

This review is completely non constructive and useless to me as a writer. One can dislike a writer's technique ideas or it just not be your cup of tea, but "you need training" is unproductive. A helpful suggestion on grammar syntax timing etc. You sir, need training on the critique.

[sayed Mudasir Ali]

I sincerely apologize to you for my review and if it has hurt you.The basic mistake I letter always come capital in any form of speech in writing. This poem is written with feelings and pure heart but if you see there are syllables to some lines good for some very short...I hope you got my point now and I am sorry to be offensive here ....you can critisize my poems as well so that I can improve and I love to improve and even you can slap me ; if I dont listen to you so dont suffer from complexities and its very important in life to be open about learning.

[Lyn Anderson]

It is not a matter of being hurt. It is a matter of non-constructive criticism. I am a mixed capitalization type poet, and that part is completely poetic license. Obviously you are not a fan of non-grammatically correct and staccato style. What is incorrect is to call someone's writing "wrong" when you personally do not like the form. For example, I am not a fan of the ever wordy Thomas Hardy, but I can recognize his writing is "just not my thing" rather than being "wrong." You honestly think "i" needs to be capitalized in poetry, you haven't read a lot of poetry, my friend. ee cummings "who are you little i" wouldn't be the same with a capital I.

[sayed Mudasir Ali]

I was wrong about you and you are a little tiger in the woods ; I am sorry and I just want to apologize and I really do from the deepest part of my flesh.......Yes I was wrong about you and I am nothing dear...

[Lyn Anderson]

Oh goodness please do not call yourself nothing. Critique as you wish, but don't expect not to get bit in a pool of people who bite with words.

[Fillmyeyes]

Quite an interesting analogy, nice work

[Coyote Poetry]

Love can feel like a clubbing. Love can sneak up on us and leave us confused and wanting more. I like the way you led the reader to the very good ending. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Angi]

KL, this piece had me pulling my limbs in closer to me as I read. The predator lines had me looking over my shoulder for dead eyes studying me. I don't do well with scary and creepy. (Even though I love Stephen King. The Shining is a favorite, Jacob!) I have to have the perfect setup to be able to read him. Back to the wall, blinds drawn tight, doors and windows locked, etc... Anyway, after I finished this poem, KL, I gulped a huge sigh and thought, 'Oh good. It is only love that crushed her like that. Whew.' I enjoyed this one a lot. I will be checking behind the shower curtain when I visit the bathroom today, though. Residual effects from that baseball bat up there, you know. Angi~

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this sounds like something Stephen King would write as a love poem...

i like the surprise ending...as we are expecting something bad...and wow...not so!

[Lyn Anderson]

Guilty as charged. I know it's not "cool" to be a Stephen King fan, but I am. Also many other dark writers. Oscar Wilde, Keats, Yates, and Poe are right along side my King, Anne Rice, and Rob Cook on my book shelf. I am most definitely not a literary snob. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

hey, i like him too...well i liked his older work best...but am now reading the sequel to "the shining"---just started it.

[Mark Haines]

Thank you, Jacob, for letting me know about a sequel to the Shining. I'm heading to the bookstore now.