A Song for Friends

Because I'm already tired.

I've got a thing for crying in bathrooms
I only need to get dizzy in the rain
and I know the feeling of an off-white room,
I know what it's like to live in a tomb.

They declared me insane, by reason of innocence,
you scoff and you laugh and you tell them they're wrong
as you produce a list of all the things you've used me for,
I feel nothing but love as you cross off "more."

And I feel omniscient in this open-backed gown,
And I feel opaque as you walk down the hall,
but as you pass by, you'll notice I've spent
my entire life waiting to know what I meant.

But you say "It's no good," you say "It won't count"
and you add to your list of uses,
So I say "But it will," and I say "I'll make sure"
and I add to my list of abuses.

But I know we won't end, and this brings me relief,
I know we won't end, since we never began,
And I thought I would lose you when you ran
out of uses, so I made myself useful again.

Oh, you know how to charm me, as you stomach my smile,
although I know you must find me disgusting,
and It's cold in the bleachers where we sit with the crowd,
their cheers are ear-splitting, my silence just loud.

You say "I won't let them use you, I won't let them
hurt you (I don't want to give up my share)"
So I find my content in your whisper-soft voice,
our secret, our secret, my secret choice.

So I wait and I want, and the two get confused,
because I feel at home with an almost-closed door,
because I feel at home with my own tint and hue,
it all bruises the same - the same black and blue

And I know the feeling of an off-white room,
I know what it's like to almost-wait. And I know
the feeling of four walls plus me,
I know what it's like to want to be free.