Self-Awareness Appreciation Post

As every day goes by,
I become a little less angry, and a little more numb.
I can’t tell if it’s from the lack of human contact or just the alcohol consumption. 

I couldn't tell you if you asked. 
Maybe I’d say both. 
Or maybe I’d admit that crying is all I have left in me. 
Because laughing becomes a little harder each day. 

I want to tell someone this.
But my mouth refuses to form the words to do so. 
Maybe I should just give up. 
Just move away and wait until the world finishes me off. 

I’m not making excuses. 
But I am. 
These days, the hardest part of my day is getting out of the goddamn bed. 
That and falling asleep. 

What a contradiction, huh?
All my flowers are dead, and to be honest, 
I think this is God trying to tell me something about myself.
But to be honest again, I haven’t listened to God in over a year.

It’s nothing personal,
It’s just, I find it hard to be personable lately. 
I don’t know what to say. 
But I have so much to say.

You are all so dangerous to my well being and you don’t even know it. 
I wish I didn’t count on people as much as I do. 
I want to get through this as much as you want me to, 
but I can’t even look people in the eye…
Don’t expect what you used to from me.. 

I’m sorry, but I just can’t give you that anymore. 
I’m so afraid to admit that I’m weak.

What if I don’t want to fight anymore?