I Try

A poem about loving someone and desperately trying to get inti their heart.

 

I dream of touching your soul in a way that would forever make you stay, but you pull away...

I would like nothing more than to shelter and protect you from the storm, but you invite the rain...

I wanted to be all that your looking for and more, but you never unlocked the door....

I wanted to make you see that  you can be all that you can be, but you refuse to look at me...

I would pick you up and carry you through all of the struggles and pain, but you are proud and prevent me from seeing any weakness you may sustain...

I wanted you to see that I'm stronger than you think, but you closed your eyes and refused to believe that I can provide you with all that you need....

I would love you with a passion so fierce and true, but your reply is that I deserve someone better than you....

I write words of beauty that come from thoughts of you, but you do not respond, if it touched you I never knew....

I wish just once that you would give me the chance to love you, but the wall you've built seems impossible to climb....

Yet  stubbornly and foolishly still I try....

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

Oh dear ,that was superb,how i loved the emotions here and so neatly put,how you try to convince,how you implore..
i just love women that way ha ha ,and how i hate men that way ha ha..this is really good..
I dream of touching your soul ,so you stay..but you pull away..
Would like to shelter and protect you from the storm..but you invite the rain..
Wanted you to look at me but you never unlocked your door..
would pick you up,carry you all through struggles and pain..
You are so proud to let me see your weaknesses..those that I adore,and love you for..
I am stronger ,but you close your eyes,wont believe I can provide all your needs..
i surely loved you with all my heart..you told me i am not for you
wish you give me a chance,but you built your walls
Stubbornly ,foolishly still I forever will try..
How I enjoyed this..What a great write ..
lovely write..

[Claude]

There is a great sense of frustration and longing in this piece. Your word choice describes the emotions wonderfully. Well done!

[Dream Weaver]

Beautifully written, love and passion divided.
Striving for the perfect unity that seems to
have come up short. Yet the fever still burns.
Nicely done Elaine...

[Devons]

I much prefer this style of structure to some of the other poems I've glanced at of yours.. It is infinitely more readable. I think a poem -if it's a poem- should at least look like a poem, and this one does (many of the others look more like prose narrative and are discouraging to the eye). This one made me want to read it. I like the way it is laid out in a series of statements, with the poetic flow self-contained within each line, so that each can be digested separately and be understood clearly. It also gives the poem an agenda-like shape which is also palatable to the eye. This piece is a strong yet pathetic portrait of an imbalance within a relationship; a one-sided devotion that remains uneven.. The 'pathetic' being the devoted side, unable to connect with the reserved side and sadly unable to understand why because of this. I've been on the other side of this two-player game myself once or twice, so I can see what is happening from an objective point of view.. there is always a barrier somewhere, and one person will always love the other more than the other loves them.. And sooner or later it becomes apparent..

[Coyote Poetry]

Good things take time and a strong heart. I like the feel of this poem. The gentle and hopeful poem of awakening a new love leave us yearning and in need. I like the positive ending. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Antonio Valentino]

Amber this was amazing. So many great lines in this piece. I like to think that your words touched him, how could they not, they are love personified.

Very nicely done!
Antonio