What is Grief?

just something I wrote after reading a whole lot about grief and whatnot

What is Grief? 

This feeling is so heavy, 

so heavy it feels like it might suffocate me,

and yet here I am, still breathing. 

Some days, I lie in bed, thinking of all the things that could've been, 

all the things we could've done together,

Yet you are not here. 

How? How is this fair?

How do I continue to live,

when the people I loved the most now only exist in my memory? 

I feel so much for them, I feel so much for you especially. 

Since you've been gone, I do my best to keep moving forward, 

and yet I still look behind me every few steps I take, 

just to make sure you are still following. 

I know you are not. 

So what now? 

It feels as if we still have things to do together, 

things we need to tell each other still, 

but you won't ever speak again, and you won't hear my words again. 

So where does this feeling go? 

I wish I could forget you, wish that I could forget my memories with you, 

but what would be left of me then? 

Who am I without you? 

I want to see you,

I want to feel you, 

I want you to tell me it will all be ok. 

As time moves on, and the sun rises and sets, 

I realize the last day I spent with you is slipping further and further away.

... I love you. 

I love you so much it feels as if my entire soul is being torn apart each day that isn't spent together. 

This love that used to be so warm has changed shape, and chained me to the ground. 

It is a heavy feeling that refuses to leave no matter how much I will it so. 

I already know the reason why. 

At some point I accepted it. 

I continued on with life because I knew you would want me to carry on. 

But as my life went on, I became increasingly afraid of death. 

Is there really Heaven? 

Will we really be able to meet again? 

Is reincarnation real? 

If it is, I don't want it to be. 

If I were to be reincarnated, would that not mean forgetting about all the memories we had together? 

Is there a guarantee we would meet again? 

Will you and I still be the same even in another lifetime? 

I had many thoughts like this, and I became afraid. 

Afraid that if I never woke up again, it would be as if we never were together. 

It was agony to live a life missing you. 

But a life missing you is better spent than a life without you, 

better spent than a life not having the memories we shared together. 

Even after all this time, I still do not know what grief is. 

I still do not know how to fill this pain in my chest. 

I can only hope and pray to whoever will listen. 

Please. 

Let us meet again. 

Author's Note

I haven't written a poem in ages so it might be bad. In fact it might be terrible so bear with me. there might be grammar mistakes.