Ode to thy love

Here I am now

Aside thee mother

None work is to shun

To apart us any further.

No reason I have now,

No anger or anguish.

For some strange cause now

Neither have greed nor any wish

My past panting has died

He was but too weak to follow me,

To your gentle, genial side,

Unto infinity; yonder I’ll be.

Still bear you used to say,

“Notice the loftiest rose 

In our garden that lay

Has the most thorns for shows”

Still on that path to tell

Pinched you those many a times,

In thy form that produced mine as well

As well as these odd odd rhymes

Yet you cherished me

Flowered upon thy love 

Ages came, to ever and ever be

Drenched in care to thy dove

But here on the altar,

My scrutiny sees the facts

Beside people not too far 

And a bier upon few mats

                               --------Amar laksh

Reviews

[DrD]

I found the lines “None work is to shun,To apart us any further” to be extremely forced. Was the repetition of “odd odd” intentional? I think it’s best to avoid ending a phrase with the word “love” because of its very limited rhyming partners and it becomes forced again such as “dove.” The theme is good and it has moments of very good expression of almost philosophic thought but I think it needs work on its mechanics.

[amarlaksh]

Thank you for your true yet good review sir, odd odd was intentional to emphasize it

[Emberlorna]

I love the your writing style so romantic and lovely :)

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Wow! The old english style of writing! Gutsy! Great job, cheers !