Girl on ganges bank

i consider it to be one of my finest, hope you would think the same

At hest of the lady’s mirth,
Jocund she raised,
Waif and derelict of birth,
Bitter trails many paved.
Every dawn she cheered.
Moaned on each night,
Common with the tears,
Of such a poor plight,
Eluding the crank,
Went to her kin,
A cow on Ganges’s bank,
Was all she had win,
Extricating the cow,
Swirling soft hands at her plea,
By the unusual bow,
Bathed her thoroughly she.
Gloomy then tied her,
To a small shaft,
Went then to work,
Held the oars and the raft,
An aged aunt sans time,
Her raft was so,
Sat in to start a scenic rhyme
And praised in to every hoe,
Austral she sailed,
To the awry ghats,
With biers that laid,
On flowery rafts,
Next crossed her path,
To look for fare,
Found one, kept his troth,
Fixed and gave others a glare.
Oaring around the Ganges,
With flowers in plenty,
And garbage under bridges,
Sailed she in fashion; hefty,
Hurry to the next one,
And for the dirt too,
Up and down in her fun,
Did business in the summer loo,
Thus back came wealthier,
To her cow, to the fields,
With wit some healthier,
And wholesome yields,
Showed she her savings,
A rupee and a two,
By her called parents;
Found none but a shoe.
In the open lawn,
Battered her to ground, the father,
With his shoes on,
Gave as a butcher rather,
Her bones cracked lie’,
Her blood gushed out,
But came nay a cry!
Came nay a shout!
--------------Amar laksh

Reviews

[DrD]

Amar, I flew to New Delhi enroute to Katmandu and stayed a while to see something of the culture. I visited Pakistan and Afghanistan and found it all fascinating as it can only be seen by someone who doesn't need to live there. What you describe is not fiction, rather events far too common and you have captured it with amazing grace and acceptance. I admire your work and you. Thank you.

[amarlaksh]

Thank you very much sir!! I am really grateful for your review sir.!

[Annabelle Lee]

this was a frightning read, but so expertly laid. nicely done yet again

[quinfinn]

beautifully written, some refining is due, but very well done. the ending still has me angry at some parts of that culture. it is difficult for westerners to conceive of girls and women being treated in this way, so this will raise some eyebrows, but i believe you have touched upon a necessary evil here, a solid and entertaining write.

[David Scott]

Your story shows the value that is so misplaced. A cow more holy than the life of a girl... More anger for me here. It is sick to know this is actually based on reality! Still, it needs to be "reported" on.
Now, the poetry... I think you could create metered stanzas to give a better poetic flow to the read. Tell reader where to pause and spread it out. Like arcing up fine food that is not just a mixed up mushy casserole. I enjoy a casserole and it can be nourishing. I think this is good enouoh to deserves refinement to be presented as a more eloquent offering. Great theme. Strong choice of language.
Keep writing!

[Salar Majak]

i love how you made a fantastic photogragh of a normal scene. i could almost see the events told in this poem, i enjoyed it :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the tale of the girl. I like how she became part of her world. I like to learn about other places and myths. I hope you keep writing. Your homeland is filled with myth and story needed to be read. I like the strong ending to the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[amarlaksh]

Thank you very much for your review

[TK]

Really interesting! I found this one to be dark and disturbing, but very instightful at the same time. The imagery of the young woman's surroundings that you describe is great!

[amarlaksh]

Thanks. It was very hard to set that imagery!

[Ohhhwillow]

The structure alone reflects the story, and it flows very well! Good job. :)

[Shubham's View]

You better yourself with every poem! Captivating!

[PP]

You are gifted Amar! The title itself brings immense sense of nostalgia..keep them coming!

[hogan]

This work told the story, the short brief lines sometimes seem to almost stab the ideas in your mind into the mind of the reader, brilliant