a story of goodbyes.

5/24/10.

i threw the cap with such fervor that
i almost felt my shoulder pop out of place.
diploma in hand, i walked down the aisle
and flashed my family the biggest smile
that has ever graced my cheeks, i think;
flashed a smile to my mom, her partner,
my grandmother, my sister-in-law, my
boyfriend, my dad, and my brother.
the people i think love me most in this
world, and many more were in the stands.
and i felt overwhelmed with happiness,
and a sense of accomplishment.
i coasted on such beautiful feelings until
the next day, when i found myself at a
party for all of the seniors and a few teachers.
and well, my heart almost broke with every
time another classmate put pen to paper,
signing a goodbye note in my yearbook.
and i sat alone for the most part, moving
from table to table for more signatures.
more goodbye notes.
and then i felt a hand on my waist, and
one boy i hold higher than others
pulled me into a hug quickly.
tears wet my eyes when i realized
i'd never see him again, save for
one time this summer for his birthday.
i told a girl who i used to be best friends with
goodbye as we sat by the water,
swinging our feet timidly as we kicked
pine leaves and made ripples.
i made conversation with people i
hardly talked to all year, but would
miss dearly after everything.
i was invited to a party that turned out
to be a real shitshow, but i declined.
not really my scene, and i can't handle it.
and the high feelings began to plummet,
and i slowly felt like i was losing control.
my stomach was empty of everything,
had been all day, and only panic was
shoved down my throat.
and soon, it was my turn to say
goodbye to everyone, make a round
of "thank you"s and "i'll miss you"s.
"good luck"s and "congratulation"s.
and as i walked out of the door,
i looked behind at everything,
and held it all together inside.
but that night, i mourned.
as i melted and broke in my
boyfriend's arms, i mourned losing
everyone i'd known from school
for five years.
i'll miss them all, i'll miss them so dearly.
but it's time for this goodbye.
nothing is permanent, everything only temporary.
and well, this too, shall pass.