i can't decipher your texts any more than your feelings. [heroin, pt. 2.]

2/18/10.

Months pass,
and my only company is the silence
that you left behind.
You  break the silence first,
spinning eloquent words.
“I never knew what it was like
to lose everything
until I lost you.”
You left me, you left me.
The words repeat themselves.
You whisper that you love me,
and slowly,
my arms open and I let you in again.
It feels like getting back into a car
that you wrecked,
a wreck that left you aching.
You make my heart flutter,
and my adrenaline rush.

I can feel our tension growing.
You swear you love me,
as you kiss her.
I decide to spend one night with you,
one night to see how you really feel.
I know what will happen,
but continue for the sake of reassurance.
We walk through the cemetery,
and we hold hands.
The grip could never be strong enough to
hold us together.
Just when I begin to let my guard down,
you pull me to you and kiss me.
You turn on your heel after and run.
I watch you shrink into the distance,
feel myself disintegrate as the miles grow.
You make my heart flutter,
and my adrenaline rush.

“Baby, please come see me.
Sleep with me.
Hold me.”
Every night after,
we don't speak without alcohol
making our tongues heavy.
We don't speak until she's gone,
so far gone that you've already moved
past yet another girl.
Late in the night my phone would
light up, and I would dread what you'd say.
"I mis you tow. I wentt to ksis youu."
You promise to never let go,
but we both know you will.
I stick around just because
I know I'll need a fix sooner or later.
You make my heart flutter,
and my adrenaline rush.