Unsuccessful

A Poem by Amanda Reynolds

some words written about a conversation with a young one

Unsuccessful

I went over to a student today,

To try to get her to stop crying.

And after a brief conversation,

I told her that I had to excuse myself,

Because I was crying,

And she understood.

© 2024 Amanda Reynolds

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Reviews

emmajoygreen

No matter who you are, what you do, what age or gender - feeling for other people and allowing yourself to be openly human.. is one of the greatest skills a human being can have - and, please note - is etched in your spirit - YOU

Posted 5 Months Ago

2 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your feedback and wisdom

2 Months Ago

Amanda, I'm not known for wisdom but - I do like people hence, can manage feedback!

Chris Shaw

Empathy is a beautiful thing. I understand this completely. Especially where young people are concerned and you remember your own growing pains at that same age. Nicely conveyed and with feeling Amanda.

Chris

Posted 5 Months Ago

jacob erin-cilberto

I am teacher...I can relate to this...many of them remind us of ourselves...and we empathize so much that we put ourselves in their shoes and feel what they feel.
That is when the differentiation between student and teacher is an almost invisible line.
I appreciate this.
j.

Posted 5 Months Ago

5 Months Ago

Thank you for your comment, it's great to have someone who understands ;)

JayG

• 50 year old female middle school English teacher

Forgive me, but in this, and your other work, I see your profession leading you astray.

For all of your teaching career, the kind of writing you expected to see, and taught, was what students must know to prepare them for the needs of employment and adulthood. And what kind of writing do employers require? Primarily, the kind that was most assigned as students, reports, essays, and other nonfiction applications. After all, other than greeting card companies few employers ask us for poetry. 😀

That matters, because the goal of nonfiction is to inform the reader, accurately and concisely. Its methodology is fact-based and author-centric. Look at your poetry. In most cases, it’s you talking to the reader about you — what I call, Me, me, me poetry. And because it's based on your viewpoint and life, when you read it, it’s deeply meaningful...to you

But, when you read poetry written by others it’s for enjoyment, not to learn what matters to the poet. You want to be made to feel and care. You don’t want to learn that the poet lost someone they love, and cried. You want them to make you love thatperson in the same way, and so, have reason to weep for their death. Right?

But, no way in hell can you do that with facts and data. To create an empathetic connection with the reader you need the emotion-based skills of the poet and fiction writer. You need an approach that’s character, not author-centric. In other words, the skills of poetry that have been developed and refined over centuries. As Wilson Mizner puts it, “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So, research!

My favorite example of emotion based poetry is the lyric to the song, "The Twelfth of Never," released in 1957. Look at the opening:
- - - - -
You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
- - - - -
Notice the clever trick played on the reader: The speaker is replying to a question that the reader supposedly asked, placing that reader INTO the poem, as the beloved who has asked that question. And since the question is one we might ask of someone who loves us, the answer is inherently interesting (especially since, if it’s a good answer we might use it).

So with “You ask,” and without realizing why, the reader is emotionally involved. To me, that’s brilliant writing, because this one line makes the rest of the poem meaningful and personal to the reader.

In response to the question of how long their commitment will last, the speaker dismisses it as supposedly obvious. Yet it’s a critical question, so the seeming disconnect again draws the reader in, with the unspoken comment of, "Well yes, you absolutely must tell me, because I need to know." So, given the attitude placed into the reader with that thought, we WANT to hear the response, and it feels as if it's directed at us. And that is a HUGE hook. Right?

The response is 100% allegorical. It says, in effect, “I can’t live without you,” but does it in a pretty, and interesting way.

The question/answer sequence then continues with a clever twist, Love will end, but on a date that’s an impossibility.

It’s 100% emotion-based writing. It calls up context that already exists in the reader/listener’s mind. But even had they never heard the expression “like roses need rain,” it would be instantly meaningful.

It’s part of a song, but this first verse, for me, is a perfect example of emotion-based poetry.

And let's take it one step further, and look at the FLOW. It's metric poetry, so it rhymes. But notice that the rhymes aren't the obvious Moon/June type, and the words fit the thought so well that the rhyme seems incidental, an accent rather than a drumbeat. And each line has the same cadence: seven beats per line that the reader, or singer, will fall into, enhancing the experience. So in effect, the combination of the rhyme and prosody acts as performance notes for the reader, which explains why metric poetry persists.

Make sense?

An excellent introduction to non-metric poetry is Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. The lady is a brilliant poet and teacher, that book is filled with unexpected gems. You can read or download it on the site I link to just below.
https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

You also might want to jump over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. His focus is on metric poetry, but what he has to say about the flow of language and prosody’s role in poetry makes that excerpt something I suggest to all writers.

Sorry my news isn’t better, but since it’s not a matter of talent or how well you write, and, a problem that's both common and invisible to the author, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing. If nothing else, it keeps us off the streets at night. 😆

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

------------
“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

Posted 5 Months Ago

• 50 year old female middle school English teacher

Forgive me, but in this, and your other work, I see your profession leading you astray.

For all of your teaching career, the kind of writing you expected to see, and taught, was what students must know to prepare them for the needs of employment and adulthood. And what kind of writing do employers require? Primarily, the kind that was most assigned as students, reports, essays, and other nonfiction applications. After all, other than greeting card companies few employers ask us for poetry. 😀

That matters, because the goal of nonfiction is to inform the reader, accurately and concisely. Its methodology is fact-based and author-centric. Look at your poetry. In most cases, it’s you talking to the reader about you — what I call, Me, me, me poetry. And because it's based on your viewpoint and life, when you read it, it’s deeply meaningful...to you

But, when you read poetry written by others it’s for enjoyment, not to learn what matters to the poet. You want to be made to feel and care. You don’t want to learn that the poet lost someone they love, and cried. You want them to make you love thatperson in the same way, and so, have reason to weep for their death. Right?

But, no way in hell can you do that with facts and data. To create an empathetic connection with the reader you need the emotion-based skills of the poet and fiction writer. You need an approach that’s character, not author-centric. In other words, the skills of poetry that have been developed and refined over centuries. As Wilson Mizner puts it, “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So, research!

My favorite example of emotion based poetry is the lyric to the song, "The Twelfth of Never," released in 1957. Look at the opening:
- - - - -
You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
- - - - -
Notice the clever trick played on the reader: The speaker is replying to a question that the reader supposedly asked, placing that reader INTO the poem, as the beloved who has asked that question. And since the question is one we might ask of someone who loves us, the answer is inherently interesting (especially since, if it’s a good answer we might use it).

So with “You ask,” and without realizing why, the reader is emotionally involved. To me, that’s brilliant writing, because this one line makes the rest of the poem meaningful and personal to the reader.

In response to the question of how long their commitment will last, the speaker dismisses it as supposedly obvious. Yet it’s a critical question, so the seeming disconnect again draws the reader in, with the unspoken comment of, "Well yes, you absolutely must tell me, because I need to know." So, given the attitude placed into the reader with that thought, we WANT to hear the response, and it feels as if it's directed at us. And that is a HUGE hook. Right?

The response is 100% allegorical. It says, in effect, “I can’t live without you,” but does it in a pretty, and interesting way.

The question/answer sequence then continues with a clever twist, Love will end, but on a date that’s an impossibility.

It’s 100% emotion-based writing. It calls up context that already exists in the reader/listener’s mind. But even had they never heard the expression “like roses need rain,” it would be instantly meaningful.

It’s part of a song, but this first verse, for me, is a perfect example of emotion-based poetry.

And let's take it one step further, and look at the FLOW. It's metric poetry, so it rhymes. But notice that the rhymes aren't the obvious Moon/June type, and the words fit the thought so well that the rhyme seems incidental, an accent rather than a drumbeat. And each line has the same cadence: seven beats per line that the reader, or singer, will fall into, enhancing the experience. So in effect, the combination of the rhyme and prosody acts as performance notes for the reader, which explains why metric poetry persists.

Make sense?

An excellent introduction to non-metric poetry is Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. The lady is a brilliant poet and teacher, that book is filled with unexpected gems. You can read or download it on the site I link to just below.
https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

You also might want to jump over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. His focus is on metric poetry, but what he has to say about the flow of language and prosody’s role in poetry makes that excerpt something I suggest to all writers.

Sorry my news isn’t better, but since it’s not a matter of talent or how well you write, and, a problem that's both common and invisible to the author, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing. If nothing else, it keeps us off the streets at night. 😆

Jay Greenstein
Articles:  https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos:  https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

------------
“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
 ~ Mark Twain

Rating /100