Amanda

This is a poem about the way to a sick child

-Amanda

This is a poem of a young Amanda.

Amanda was twelve years old,

And was in love with the world.

Amanda had plenty of friends,

Especially loving two.

Marlin and Marissa.

Loved them so much it hurt.

One day, Amanda started talking to another girl.

A girl with an attitude and a hunger for attention.

She showed Amanda another side of life.

A side Amanda now wishes she’d never seen.

Amanda started changing.

Started Drinking.

Smoking, even.

At the age of twelve.

The two Amanda loved the most,

Started keeping their distance.

They didn’t like her anymore.

Gave up on her.

This was the beginning of a broken soul.

Amanda was now thirteen.

Fell in love with a boy from a bigger town.

She fell in love with his sweet words and crystal blue eyes.

Oh, those eyes.

Amanda’s friends slowly approached her again.

Oh, and welcome they were!

They’ve finally forgiven me,

Was what Amanda thought.

But was it the right person who apologized?

Amanda loved the big-town boy.

They did things,

That last day.

That last day of false bliss.

Amanda was no longer loved.

One month later,

He asked her a common thing:

“Can’t we just be friends?”

But we were never friends.

Amanda was broken.

Loved the boy so much.

So much it hurt.

Amanda cried to her friends.

Found comfort in their embrace.

But with summer,

 came the cold.

A fight.

A very important event.

Amanda tried to enlighten Marlin.

Tried to protect him from Marissa.

It didn’t work.

He chose Marissa.

The person he wasn’t loved by.

Loved by unconditionally.

Amanda cried.

Cried hard.

The before so busy phone,

Went silent as a dead raven.

Silent as death.

Death.

Death?

Death!

Amanda was broken.

Broken to the bone.

Trying to escape the pain,

Amanda used pain.

The scars were not permanent, though.

Only the pain within is forever.

As summer ended,

Amanda slowly started dying.

Dying inside:

School was no longer an option.

Marlin and Marissa were at school.

No,

School wasn’t an option.

Amanda’s parents tried everything.

Everything.

But nothing was to be done.

Not even a new town.

A new school.

When summer again approached,

Amanda got nervous.

Insecure.

I’m ugly.

I’m fat.

I’ m dumb.

No one loves me.

Compliments didn’t help.

They were too late.

Too rare.

Along with the ending of summer,

Came anxious thoughts.

The panic attacks.

School was a frightening picture.

They’ll think I’m ugly.

They’ll think I’m fat.

They’ll think I’m dumb.

No one will love me.

The depression came,

Along with a void.

Along with a missing hunger.

It didn’t taste good.

It makes me fat.

I cannot eat.

When winter came,

things started going better.

But not much.

School was still not attended.

Amanda was thin.

But not thin enough.

I look fat in pictures.

Amanda wasn’t seeing anyone.

The fear of being judged was too great.

Amanda started reading.

Reading a lot.

Once, Amanda found a book.

On which it read The Secret.

It helped a lot.

Self-loving approached.

Acceptance approached.

Writing became interesting.

English became interesting.

Writing was now a big part,

Of the otherwise empty life.

But was writing enough?

Author's Note

Please tell me how you like the poem!

Reviews

[Dr. Wood ?]

this is sad but shows self belief....Writing is a great escape and a wonderful companion

[Amanda J. S.]

Yeah.. It really is!

[_]

Wow, she suffered quite the pains and obstacles! Must suck...I hope writing is enough for her, to express what one cannot say! Hopefully she found an outlet and can start all over. Beautiful piece. :)

[Amanda J. S.]

Thank you :-)

[green dreams]

Oh dear! That's heart breaking. And the poem is lovely like a blooming blue flower of summer. Pain comes and goes like the rain, the sun shines again.

[Amanda J. S.]

Glad you liked it! :-)

[afra]

Very sad....its more like a strory ...well done

[Amanda J. S.]

Yeah, it's a prose :-)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Hello, Amanda!

Here is how I like your poem. I like its honesty. I like its courage. I like how it shows that the things people say about us can do more damage than they can possibly imagine. I like how it shows that trust is very important in a relationship. I like how it communicates that sometimes it is possible to love someone deeply, so deeply that it is easy to ignore all other aspects of life that provide balance and an accurate sense of self. I especially like how it recognizes that deepest, darkest most dangerous part of love is the risk of loving someone and then having that love turned into a trifle or worse, rejected entirely. That is a kind of hurt that we never forget. I like how it shows there is hope, even when we experience that kind of rejection of our love. I like very much that Amanda has found writing as a way to understand herself and to understand that true and honest love can come from anywhere - we just have to look for it - and want it - but not so much that is diminishes our sense of self - that way lies madness. I like how it ends. It's an honest ending because nobody knows what is enough. Amanda will continue to write and to imagine a better self, imagine a love worthy of her - then Amanda will be whole again and know we love her; for who she is, now and forever.

[Amanda J. S.]

Thank you so, so, so, so MUCH! I am really greatful that you'd take the time to read this poem! It was really hard to write, and I think those who've read it know why....

Again, THANK YOU!

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

I hope you like hugs... P.S. You can get a hug from me anytime. :o)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

...a virtual hug that is. I could never afford a trip to your part of the world unless I sell a bazillion books or something. ;-)

[Amanda J. S.]

I'm happy to hear that :-)