The pain within

One of my first poems about the inside pain

The eerie of a sad mind

 Worse than any physical threat you will ever find.

The fact that it is an inside threat and not an outside one,

 Just makes it easier done.

You stand there, looking at the reflection in the mirror.

You don’t look any different.

You can’t make out the error. 

Why? 

When you can see scars from a knife, a razor, a punch,

 Then why not from a negative hunch?

Why can’t you see the pain I’m keeping inside my mind, 

Tormenting me,

Making me blind? 

A black eye can a smile never reject. 

But a depressing thought

Is not on your outside to detect.

If you had a punch for every bad thought you’ve ever had,

Any inch of body would be unsuitable to be watched by your dad.

Please save me from myself.

Tears won’t come.

They’re as unreachable as some.

Trapped by the fight,

 Going on behind your sight.

Author's Note

What do you think?
This is my first poem, like, ever. Please be gentle!

Reviews

[Potter]

I think you are an aspiring star at this site. You are intelligent and have a good grasp of your descriptive words.....

[Tymothy L Smith]

The flow is very well, inviting, the contrast of inside/outisde also well done.
If i was to offer anything constructive, I would offer that the 'watched by your dad', might be better if it was reworked a bit.
Also, the 'please save me from myself', not sure that's needed, you've done a great job with description until that point.
In all, good work, thanks.

[Traycee]

I like this, its very deep. To me, it shows this inside thoughts of someone who has been hurt badly.

[Amanda J. S.]

Yeah, the past year has been hard :-)
Glad you liked it!

[Crimson_Catastrophe]

I like it.
It's got a sad beauty.

[nigrum homonculus]

you expressed yourself so well in this.

"When you can see scars from a knife, a razor, a punch,
Then why not from a negative hunch?"

LOVE that line. well done!

[Amanda J. S.]

Thank you! It means a lot to me!

[Broken Soul]

Your feelings in the poem are expressed wonderfully. Very sad, I can nearly feel your pain. I must have read it three times now. So you said you've been writing poems for how long now? 20years?

Rating 100/100

[Amanda J. S.]

Haha! I'm glad you liked it! :-)