Ink

How I feel about it all. Rape/drug use implied

What I feel is ink: thick black ink sticking to the flesh of my lungs,
Cold and permanent on paper sheets and secret folders.
A night of souls, laughing and crying and biting their tongues,
And bodies in the air that sag, rotting children and soldiers.
I can't help the ice that freezes my throat and pushes icicles through my glands
The insensitive resonance of an uncaring mass that claws me down every day
Dozens of flashes and skin-to-skin moments and hands that do not feel like hands;
I am one of millions like me, but a collective soul does not heave as I do to collapse into clasped knuckles in pray.
My heart is a tough shell now and I swallow it quickly without water.
Everything we touch takes a small section of our soul and never gives it back,
I was once an ocean, a mountain, I was once a daughter.
I wonder if you can see the vines that have wrapped so tightly around my bones till they crack?
Walking on cheap spikes down the cement and asphalt,
Veins pop under a needles' pressure: asphyxiation assault.

Reviews

[alan peter kelly]

I found this profoundly moving Amaranta...I was not aware of how much drug abuse occurs in Canada but that only reflects my ignorance on the startling issue...I understand, am appalled and cannot begin to comprehend how dteeply rape affects a woman...I know it is a scourge in the world over and men who do such things are so reprehensible I can't speak too long on the subject for I have had girl friends who were affected by monsters disguised as men... In my own community I have female friends who must sometimes be protected from a drug and alcohol affected number of males and though I am getting long in the tooth, at closing in on 60 I must remain fit and strong for society seems only to get worse. As Elder and honourable man it is my duty to serve and protect those less able to defend themselves...your write...I am so blessed to see your brave exposure...so much admiration for a one who stands up to be counted after such pain and trauma and prolonged sadness...it reveals a strength...a thing no evil can take from you...pain is universal...I once, long ago abused drugs and lead a most immoral and unsavoury life. I abhorred myself and eventually turned my life around...I'm still affected but my bottom line is that I've not only survived my past I've grown and been strengthened by it....again. I feel such deep sadness for what was done to you...I have tears and don't even know you. We are masters of adaptation...we have near limitless capacity to overcome all odds. I hope you are sufficiently supported and are able to find moments of joy, however simple ...most humans are affected by circumstance....few can find sustained peace, serenity, joy...your words convey a fighter stronger than she imagines...I don't know how my review will be received...you wrote it to be read and I can but reflect on how this piece has affected me...much respect and gratitude for honour ing me with a read unique in many ways all of them both sad and most enlightening

[Amaranta]

Thank you for this review!

Unfortunately, it is not monsters disguised as men who have hurt us, but real people: real men, sometimes women, who occasionally may not even be aware of the damage they cause.

Thank you for opening up to me! I appreciate your writing. Yes, we are both survivors.