Tonight's episode on the cover up of bodily affairs.

Tonight's episode

on current affairs

is the cover up

of bodily affairs.

Please give a warm welcome to

"Knickers"

Welcome Knickers to the show.

How are you at present?

I'm sitting quite comfortable at the moment. Thank you.

So tell us about yourself?

Oh! Where do I start! I'm size eight,

not too small and not too big,

and I like my colour jade green.

During your occupation do you think

you've been roughly treated?

Yes! As a matter of fact, on a regular basis

I have been ripped off in a hurry,

flung across the floor to the other side of the room,

and left in a heap.

Why do you think this happens?

Apparently, on observation from the floor up

it's to do with some erotic arousal ritual....

pushing the right button I'm told.

When are you happy then?

When I'm washed, scented, and placed

in the draws all neatly folded and tidy.

What are your dislikes?

I hate it when I get stuck

in either the left or right foot

where I am stretched to the limit.

I almost feel my elastic giving way.

That's awful! Any others?

Yes I don't particularly like accidents.

You know whether it be the plumbing

or coming under attack by friendly fire

if you know what I mean.

Have you been run over?

Yes, something like that.

I didn't know what it was

but it left skid marks.

I wasn't impressed!

Yes I'm sure!

Also if I may continue

I dislike prying hands

that are not my owners

forcing their way in me,

stretching my very fabric

of existence. Its beastly I tell you, beastly!

I bet.

So what makes you laugh?

Oh! I get tickled by pubic hairs.

They are all so naughty!

Do you ever see others like you

or different to you?

Of course! I see all kinds of stuff in the wash.

Such a dirty lot but they all come clean.

Socks, tops, bikinis, the odd bras,

and other shades like me and I've even met Ms G string -

a real huggy flirty show off! Watch out for her!

Yes! You do get those!

Well, thanks for dropping in.

That's okay. I can't hang around here

all day anyway talking to you.

You just never know when a fresh pair

of knickers like me is needed down under.

It's like being on call or standby.

Good luck! And I hope it's not one

of those windy days for you.

Yes! Me too! 

Bye!

Bye!

There you have it,

a most interesting talk

with her Knickers.

Until then goodnight, sleep tight

and don't let the bugs bite!

 

Reviews

[Stella Armour]

sat here laughing and amazed at the personification of humble knickers and how you come to know so much ... i think really you would need to wear a pair to understand all this nonsense( then again more true than not) 🤣

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you Stella for the smile. I had fun writing this crazy ditty.

[John]

Very well handled. I think barley girl said it all. During your occupation is the most subtle of pointers to a larger theme in which forced undressing becomes routine transgressive behaviour.

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you John just a bit of fun not to be taken seriously like a Monty Python sketch.

[barleygirl]

I bow down to the king of imagination (you) possibly puffed up with summat Dave Brown propensity to reel out a long and outlandish weed of nonsense, but also made very much your own by your wry idea of interviewing a pair of knickers as if it were the most everyday thing, as if brushing up against pubies hadn't the slightest hint of erotica, as if everything is on the up-and-up. I think it would be irresistible for me to write such a tale without pumping up those nasty little brushes with sexual potential, but the fact that you DON'T is what stands out to me. You keep this farce as a neat & proper interview, knickers or no (I never wear them, so didn't realize they had such an inner life). Thanks for entertaining us to a level surpassing your usual (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[andrew mitchell]

Hahaha lol. Just influenced by Monty Python, fawlty towers, Dave Allen, Not the nine a clock news and Peter Cook and Dudley Moore and the like. Thanks for reading Margie.

[Dave Brown]

Bit of a fun filled masterpiece
I can't totally associate with this because my bedroom is such a mess it is difficult to identify just one item.

[andrew mitchell]

Thanks Dave for giving it a go.

[Chris Shaw]

What fun! Such a unique write Andrew. Loved the humour in this piece. I have to say it was visual too when it might have been better not to be :))

Chris

[andrew mitchell]

lol haha Thanks for the laugh Chris.

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful tale written Andrew. I liked the days of knickers. You made me smile this afternoon. Thank you my friend for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you John :) Had a lot of fun writing this.

[Coyote Poetry]

You did well and you are welcome Andrew.

[Einstein Noodle]

do you know we actually have a Democratic junior Congress Woman who is vying for the Democratic nomination for our Presidency in 2020 who..............dramatic pause ......... wants to outlaw cattle...yes, cattle ... because of all their flatulent methane emissions ... she actually (among even more absurd things) wrote it into her "Platform" ... i wonder what kind of knickers she is wearing????? or maybe she is knicker starved ... and it has pinched off the intelligence flow to her nog ... and people are listening to her ...I am turning in my grave and I'm not even there yet ;}
E.

[andrew mitchell]

Its amazing how a tale on knickers can take ones thoughts lol. Thank you my friend.:)

[Einstein Noodle]

what can i say!?? ;)))))))))))

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

lol fifty times
great work andrew
loved it
made my day however my knickers are no longer size 8
i wish lol

[andrew mitchell]

Lo thank you Julie

[Pete]

quite a revealing interview (pun intended). you're really too much andrew (head shaking back-and-forth). wonder what Trump's trousers would say or Kraft's knickers ...

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you Pete, just a comical take on life.

[Alfred Kukitz]

A roar of hilarity Andrew! I loved every peek of the knickers!

regards,
al

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you Al, I'm glad someone liked it enough to comment:)