My light flickering

visualizing my death in hospital, the last moments and hearing the noise around me!

In the lonely recesses

Of my mind

Dark in a cavern

A small light flickers dim

On, off, on, off.

A glimmer of hope.

In a crowded room, small

There's a buzz

Alarm bells ringing

Voices hurried

Frantic feet shuffle

Panicked thoughts rushed.

I hear commands. Again!

My thoughts rise, lifting, fall

I hear. Again!

My thoughts rise, lifting, fall 

My light flickers weak, dim

Voices faint, incoherent.

Its cold! I'm  very cold!

I hear quiet..... silence.

He's Flat-lining! 

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Reviews

[Jamestown]

Very creative and attention getting for sure,
the last moments of life played out,
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Jane Taylor Hardy]

Ohhhhh....hey this one could be the start of a great film....it starts with this awesome poem and goes from there.....while most of us run from the thought of death Andrew is right there....with his pen and paper :0)

[andrew mitchell]

thank you Jane. Who will star as the grim reaper! lol

[....................]

An awesome, creative look at one's final moments in a hospital bed... i imagine this is what it is like for many who go this way... great piece, Andrew...

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you FT I had to put in a description as fellow poets took another approach! lol love poetry!

[....................]

haha... yes... good idea :)

[TheLostMind]

This is a very well written poem.. In life we will have our own ups and downs. . Triumphs and failures. . But in the end that flat line is inevitable. . Good one.

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you so much Thelostwind! for popping in!

[TheLostMind]

You are welcome :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You got me with this clever one Andrew. There was me seeing your 'thinking' theme again, which you did intend, only to bring that twist in the final line.

Dark in a cavern-Did you not mean Dark as a cavern?

In a crowed room, small- and a crowded room?

[andrew mitchell]

Thanks John Spelling crowded I should have checked and yes I wanted dark in a cavern lol

[ANTO]

We arent perpetual engines. The ups and the downs are equally vaild in making us who we are. That flat feeling is part of being of a creative bent and needs to be viewed in perspective. Its not forever. You really knocked it out of the park here Andrew.
Kudos my friend

[andrew mitchell]

Thanks Anto It was the Shock appliances causing the thoughts to lift while in my cardiac arrest then not retrieved my heartbeat flatlined to no more. I died! lol I know a deathly write

[ANTO]

Sometimes death is necessary to live again - hmmm. yess....now where was I

BLOODY WELL RUN EVERYONE !!! ANDREWS A ZOMBIE FLESH EATER !!!! AAAaaarrrrggghhhhhhhhh !!

[andrew mitchell]

lol Thanks Anto rrrrrhhh!!

[andrew mitchell]

Anto the best thing about writing is seeing how others interpret your works. You gave a different slant that I didn't see! Maybe my words were not expressed well enough to give the format or structure I wanted to the reviewer that this is about my death in hospital. But I appreciated all views as I do yours Anto. I will have to sharpen my thoughts next time! lol Cheers mate for your reviews and your precious time:)

[ANTO]

I thought it about mental block - I thought about depression due to writers block - Im a bit Duh - the zombs reference was my clumsy attempt at 'Gee-ing' you up lol.

[andrew mitchell]

lol I'm ok Anto. My write is influenced by a male co-worker who I knew for many years about 30yrs, two years older than me who will in a matter of days will die of cancer leukaemia. He has liver and kidney failure as of this week.

[ANTO]

OMG - sorry mate.

[andrew mitchell]

no Anto its no one's fault just life's raw deal my friend!