Looking from the outside looking in

In a cosy restaurant ,the scene.

When I looked into her blue eyes

I saw pity.

PITY! PITY! PITY!

When I reached over 

And felt her hands;

They seemed so gritty.

GRITTY! GRITTY! GRITTY!

And when she spoke of her thoughts

I thought how silly.

SILLY! SILLY! SILLY!

She slapped me hard, left the table,

And walked away.

I thought: What a pity, pity, pity!

Then everyone left. 

I sat in my abandonment

In my wonderment

I pondered;

How did she read my thoughts?

Reviews

[alf]

Hi Andrew. Down and blue??? Can everybody read you? No, no, no!!! This is so tongue-in-cheek, I suspect, but as usual, I look beneath the words and between the lines. yep, I did that. And I am flummoxed. I admit it. I suspect a cover-up here, perhaps a café-gate in the making . . . alf

[andrew mitchell]

Hi alf purely fiction. The large font is the woman angilly repeating three times in her mind the word that I have thought because she can read minds hence the slap lolI nothing between the lines I should of explained more in detail but we would be all in trouble if minds could be read! lol

[alf]

No no no!!!! Put it out there and let what happens, take place. Does a painter stand by the frame to explain his picture???

[Tony Jordan]

What a scene!
He's never gonna make a good poker player with all those tells.
A public place was the best venue for this to play out - God know what would have happened indoors!!
:D

[Pete]

nice unexpected twist at the end. the silly, gritty pity was on the other side of the table the whole time. always remember - windows can be looked through two ways (out and in). very cute indeed.

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you Pete for commenting:)

[sharonlee]

This has quirky ring to it... I like it.

[andrew mitchell]

oh! the chaos if we all read minds lol

[sharonlee]

Lol... to be sure!

[Sourav]

Fun reading it,,, whatever way you explain it... this is still funny... and interesting!

[andrew mitchell]

Hi Sourav, thanks for dropping by and liking my teasing write lol Beware those that can hear your thoughts!!

[Valentine]

Reading your explanation below, I see where a little more writing would have brought her thoughts forward. Cute write though. Valentine

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you Valentine , I didn't want to give too much away after saying she could read thoughts at the end but it was just a fun and one to ponder if everyone could read thoughts what trouble! lol.:)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

And I am guessing you paid the bill too lol! Interesting concept and use of repetition and progression.

[andrew mitchell]

Lol all fiction . the large font are the words the woman is repeating angrilly in her mind, reading my thoughts lol

[AaronFreitas]

It's amazing how we can give away our thoughts without ever knowing it... especially to a woman! haha good work my friend I like this piece :)