Carter

She lies there, her chest rising and falling like someone trying and failing to blow up a balloon. Her hair lies limp on the pillow, splayed around her head. I link my fingers with hers and give her hand a squeeze, but she doesn’t squeeze back. Nothing. “Hey there baby,” My voice breaks as I stroke the thick white bandage on her head and look down at her closed eyelids, shiny and damp with sweat. “I’m sorry.” Is all I can say before tears prick at my eyes and a thousand knives stab me in the heart. Because this, all of this is my fault.

My heart constricts in my chest and gets so heavy I fear I might fall through the floor. The past two days have left like a lifetime. “Come back, please.” Her eyelids flicker and my heart leaps, but my eyes fall. It’s nothing new, just the same as last night and the night before. A reaction, that’s all.

I almost fail to notice when she squeezes my hand back. I look up at her pale face, the dark circles under her eyes and deep graze on her chin. Her eyes open and she looks across at me, but instead of her whole face lighting up like the sun, her eyes show nothing but confusion. Her mouth falls open and she mouths words but no sound comes out but for a raspy groan. As her eyes widen I drop her hand, pushing my chair back from the bed. She opens her mouth wide and screams, louder than I ever thought she could. She scrambles back on the bed and pushes herself as far into the pillow as she can, looking wildly around the room.

It doesn't take long before she finds the little red button and starts hammering at it, but I’m already edging towards the door. My heart breaks and falls to the pit of my stomach as I look into the empty black holes of her pupils. There’s nothing there, not even a hint of recognition. A nurse runs into the room and pushes me out of it, slamming the door shut in my face. The screaming stops, the beeping of the button as she mashes it with her bruised fingers slows down. My hammering heart slows as I rest against the wall and let myself slide downwards.

The stench of the sterile floor fills my nostrils but I don’t even care. Tears trickle down my cheeks and I can’t stop myself. My whole body falls to the side and I pull my legs up to my chest, letting the tears take me away. The nurse leaves the room again and gives me a dirty look as she passes by. I clamber up onto my knees and then push myself to my feet, swaying. Surely she just panicked? Surely my worst suspicions were not about to be confirmed? With a shaky hand I press on the sterile door, pushing my head through the gap and peering into the room.

She’s curled up under the covers, her lips slightly parted and her eyes wide. Her head turns to face me as the rest of my body slides in and I look down at the floor, my hands clutching the doorframe to stop myself from falling over. “I… Taylor I’m so, so sorry.” She pushes herself off her pillow a little, her arms shaking under her weight. Her eyes are blank, her grazed lips still parted.

“Who… who are you?” Her voice is croaky, quiet and uncertain. She rests her finger on the little red button and shakes her head.

My heart aches with the knowledge I want to bestow on her, trembles with the tears that want to escape. I wipe at my red eyes and let my eyelids droop. Without another word, I open the door again and step out. The coolness of the corridor hits my face and turns the dampness on my cheeks to ice. “Not important.” I whisper, letting the door swing shut behind me and marching away.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar, improvements welcome:)