Dear Mental Illness

I am taking my life back

I have let you dictate my every move for two years and I don’t even think we’ve properly met until I was given an official diagnosis seven short months ago. I have let you define me for far too long. Tonight, I have decided it is enough. I have accepted that I will be living with you for the rest of my life; but I will no longer live for you.

            You have taken so much from me in the two years I have known you. I never took you seriously until I left my house one night and realized I could no longer do that. I have lost friends because of you. I have lost potential lovers because of you. I have lost hope, happiness, nights out, job opportunities, my love for coffee, and so much more all because of you.

            I blamed myself for a very long time. I distanced myself from my friends and family because I was afraid to confront you. I was afraid to face you because I was never sure what you wanted from me; but I get it now. All you want is a home. You want a place to call your own, where you can curl into a ball and have me think obsessive thoughts. You want these thoughts to stick in my mind so you can grow big and strong as you feed off my pain, fear, and panic. Who am I to evict you? You made a home in my mind and I am honored.

            I am honored because I am stronger than you. I am happier than you. I am so much more loved than you. Unlike you, I have a support system that love and cherish me. They remind me that you may live with me but I do not owe you my life. They’re a big reason why you’re the one who is living in fear these days. You’re living with the fear that I’ll neglect you or learn to overcome you. Truth is, I have been neglecting you; and I am getting better at it each day. I am smiling more, going out more, and I am happier than I’ve ever been.

            However, I will never overcome you. You’ll always live with me and even though I don’t want to, I will always embrace you. So don’t you worry, I know you’re not going anywhere but I hope you know that I am no longer giving in to you.

Author's Note

Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

Reviews

[Monica Garcia]

I greatly appreciate this monologue for many reasons:
it is unique and extremely relatable. I have written many pieces in regards to this topic and found that all of them were filled with anger, rage, and defeat...hence letting this "illness" win. This piece is very inspiring in that it "embraces" and "accepts" the illness but refuses to let "it" get the best of him/her. I love when a writer can take a topic and give it something new. You inspire me. Thank you.