Dreamer

The ranting of a hopeless romantic

Love never happens the way it does in fairy tales.

I am convinced of that.

Trust me. I have watched countless cheesy romance animes, read countless novels with romance, spent hours analyzing my friend’s relationships, and have dreamt through countless romantic daydreams throughout my life. If anyone can be an authority on the matter, it is me.

Anyone who says otherwise is full of s**t.

Let’s back up here a second. There is a reason to the rant here, and I should start from the beginning. But let me put on a pot of tea first, this is apt to be a long story. Go set a fire in the library, would you? I’ll tell it there.  

I want you to be prepared. Not to discourage you.

On the contrary my dear girl. On the contrary....

Ok, so now that we are comfortable I can begin. Let’s see here.... Where should I start? Any suggestions?

.....

My first romance? Hm that’ll be too far ahead young one. How about my first favorite fictional couple.

Once upon a time, the princess of the moon fell in love with the prince of the earth. I know you’ve both watched and read the story, because I remember passing it onto you as soon as I felt you were old enough. Their story was the first to inspire me to begin daydreaming of when I would find my own eternal romance. Yea there were other more-famous princesses out there finding their prince, but there was just something about this one. You got to actually see it progress, and that there were struggles. It seemed more real even to me then than those others.

Yes, it did help that it was gorgeous and there was a lot of sparkles and action. Who doesn’t love that?

Another prominent one was found in a book, which you have also enjoyed. The story of a mermaid and her lover, that she managed to seduce without her magic voice, and how she let him go. Absolutely tragic, broke my heart, and I’ve read it almost every summer since. Hm, actually I think I missed reading it again last summer. Will have to remember to get to it this year...

The earrings? Yes, your grandmother actually got them for me because they reminded her of the book. Which she never read, by the way.

Such a shame.

Then for a while, the romance daydreams went on pause. About the age you are now. They got replaced with dreams of failing tests, exams, flying textbooks, and the “future”. When those ended, and a college was selected, the focus shifted to what would happen at college. Dreams of class, professors, papers, drinking, and inevitably back to potential romance.

Of course I thought of drinking, you know what school I attended. I ever tell you it was the only one I applied to?

You will apply to multiple. That is not up for debate.

Anyway, as it turned out, no matter what I daydreamed college would be it was different. I wondered if I would find him in class, on a bus, at a party, reaching for the same fruit in the cafeteria, bumping into him (literally) as I was running to class.... The closest I ever came in my four years was when I was at a... a concert. A young man came over to me and we talked for a bit. Turns out he was the lead singer of a band that was going on later that night. Who knows how it would’ve gone if I had stayed but my roommate wasn’t feeling well so we had to leave.

Was there anything else at college? Honestly your mom was a bit of a bore, always focusing on studying or watching food network with her roommates while she was there. Well, she wasn’t as much of a nose-grind as my one roommate was but... I was close. I had puppies and Stouffer’s lasagne. I was happy, don’t get me wrong. I figured if I didn’t meet him in college, there was still time.

Let’s see here. What next. I guess it could be.... The return to the original. Yes, when I finally read the manga series myself I was actually already in my 20s believe it or not, and around that time the daydreams had begun to shift a bit. Instead of imagining myself accidentally bumping into a handsome, kind gentleman my thoughts began wondering back to one of my favorite characters from the series. And what it might be like to swap places with her partner. A lot of people credit the pair of outers for “turning them gay” but certainly seeing them at such a young age got people thinking. And for me, I should’ve realized earlier. I had a new favorite the minute she appeared on the screen.

I never had any real interest in guys. I could admire them from afar but.... The daydreams always stopped early on if you catch my drift.

Anyway, I realized after reading another comic that I had a type. Hot, tall, blonde with the cocky attitude. From there, the daydreams accelerated rapidly in this direction. Thoughts that she’d join my company as a temp (getting around my rule of no-workplace dating that I needn’t have worried about setting in the first place), that I’d run into her at a bookstore, while I was walking at the park, at any event I would go to....

Those were very vivid daydreams on romance. One especially sticks in my mind...

Sigh.

Hm? You want to hear it? Well.... You can hear some of it, how’s that?

Let’s see, it starts with me walking down the street on my way to meet some friends. It was spring, or at least sunny and warm, and I was in a sundress and wedges (no need to tell her, at the time I imagined myself 50-60lbs lighter). I forget what I was doing, but I was distracted. I think I was checking my phone for either a text or the time or something. Then I crash into something and start falling backwards. I hear something crack on the ground, sounds like plastic. Suddenly a hand is around mine, pulling me forward and into a body. I look up and immediately turn red, something you have seen me do no doubt, and step back. Right onto a pair of sunglasses that of course belong to the blonde in front of me. I apologize and it ends up with me buying her a coffee from, of course, the coffee shop we happen to be in front of. We sit at a little table outside and talk for hours. I don’t realize until after she left, after me putting my number into her phone of course, but as it was past the time I was supposed to meet my friends they came over looking for me. And had been watching us from across the street.

Needless to say, we continued going out and got married and eventually adopted.

Those dreams held me through most of my twenties.

Then, in my thirties, I really started feeling the pressure I was able to avoid when I was younger, though I did feel it at times. Why aren’t you dating anyone? Don’t you want kids? Isn’t it time to settle down? The thing is, and this is important, I didn’t want to settle. That’s not what I remembered from all the romance stories, the fated meetings. None of them just settled. And so I wouldn’t either.

But, I did start trying to actively date more.

If my body grew too old to carry a child, I’d adopt. I had told myself that often.

So you see my dear girl, I tell you this not to discourage you from love. My deepest wish is that you can accomplish what I could not - finding the romantic love of your life. But I also want you to know that you don’t need it to survive.

If you did, I would have died long ago.

There are many forms of love. Know that I will always be here for you.

But remember, you are your own woman regardless of the people who will walk into and out of your life. You are writing the story. Some things will be out of your control, but what you can control

Is you.

What is that? Oh yes, that is a very good book. It is a wonderfully romantic story. I think you will really enjoy it.

As for me, I think it’s time I revisit an old love of mine. I just need to find it on these shelves...