A Single Pebble

In memory of a beloved pet who was lost too soon. Trigger warning for description of traumatic event and feelings of loss - may be too much for some people.

“A Single Pebble”
In honor of Pebbles

I saw your body lying in the grass
As I slowly wheeled up the driveway
For all pets come a time to pass
 Yours shouldn’t have been that day

I was still praying for the chance
That your little heart would beat
But I knew from one glance
As my wheels met the street

My mind overrode my heart
What if we hadn’t lost you yet?
I had to try and play the part
The clinician to my own pet

Because I couldn’t fail you
But I was helpless all the same
There was nothing I could do
Then I heard her cry your name

I wish I could have held her back
To spare her that last memory
The little leader of our pack,
Glassy-eyed, lain lifelessly

As she fell to her knees
To pet your red-brown fur,
She cried all her apologies
And meant them all, I’m sure

I sat there with my brother
Neither knowing what to do
To calm our overcome mother
As she sobbed and stared at you

I knew I had a call to make
The last of the family to know
The one still spared the heart ache
Living a time before this blow

How insensitive was I
When I told him of your death?
As I stared at where you lie
The truth came rushing in one breath

“She’s really, really dead,”
And I calmly apologized.
“Oh no,” was all he said;
His shock kept it disguised

He then spoke to my mother
And tried to quell her pains
Then instructed my brother
What to do with your remains

I said a still, silent goodbye
As my mother said hers too
Still struggling not to cry,
She wheeled me away from you

She gave your collar to me
And my heart skipped a beat
Even the thread laid lifelessly
As your body in the heat

While we waited far from you,
My brother bagged you in black
I feel immense guilt he had to
Be the one to bring you back

Then my dad swept through the door
To find our sad, tear-stained eyes
He held my mother a moment before
He went to say his last goodbyes

And again, that desperation
That utter helplessness within
Caused me such frustration
I could barely keep it in

Why couldn’t I have saved you
And spared them all that day?
I screamed inside with no clue
How to make your death okay.

As we gathered at the table,
We saw you everywhere
It was obvious you weren’t able
To come running to Dad’s chair

That week the house was dimmer
As reality reared its ugly head
My father’s pain began to simmer
Until it burned an angry red

He didn’t know how to deal
With losing what you were
And time only made it real
That you were gone forever

So I’ll pay you this compliment
You broke through that wall
And returned with love his sentiment
And enthusiasm through it all

With each persistent bark and whine,
Demanding someone to play
To throw the ball or laser shine
You always did get your way

Of course, you had your flaws
Such as your tendency to bite
But I’ll miss your little paws,
The happy way you slept at night,

The sloppy way you gave a kiss
The orange rope you used to tug,
And most of all I’ll miss
The pressing warmth of your hugs

And though you were but one
A single pebble in life’s pond
You stood out like the sun
And our Pebbles will live on

Author's Note

This was my way of coping with a traumatic family loss. People who truly hold pets as family members will understand, and I hope this piece helps you process your own events rather than bringing pain to anyone. I am always here to talk.

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

A wonderful homage to a 'family' member; for that is what a pet becomes with time! I had a cat called Pebbles and had years of feline companionship before her time came to go off to cat heaven (if there is such a place) ... loved your piece! :-)

[A.M. Everlasting]

Thank you! My heart is with your loss as well - even if it is years later.