Slipping

All I see is you.

Don’t you still see me, here.

 Recapture what we once had,

But that seems so far…

You seem so distant.


Taken for granted.

What you have always had

What I have always given you.

What you believe will forever,

Be here waiting.


All I see is you.

You can’t see me.

Your vision is clouded,
 
In a thick fog, seemingly

Never-ending.


You keep slipping away.

Can’t catch a sturdy grip

On what we had.

I grab hold for one split second,

Then it slips again…

Reviews

[Jessi Webb =)]

This is awesome !

[Ron Reardon]

To say you are talented, would be an understatement. This is an awesome write!

[Drew Wade]

This is a beautiful poem. It's a beautiful lyric. it works well as both. I can imagine someone singing this. Word wise I think it's perfect. It makes me a little sad, and that's how I know it's good. Line wise, there are only a couple changes I might suggest you make. In line 4 I'd take out the ellipses, and in line 9 I'd take out the comma. That's it. Otherwise, not a damn thing wrong with it, and a hell of a lot right with it. good job, lauren.

[Ed Rector]

in the depths of pain... at least you got a poem out of it... try to be more up beat... but it seems more potrey is driven from pain then of say... happieness... anyway... it was alright

[Winter McPherson]

A lot of pain here....feeling the distance, feeling like a piece of furniture - like you aren't there anymore. Such a sad feeling captured here!

[Seriana]

Hummm, this is a nice, run-on thought in your head. I love how you added just enough rhyming to push the flow along. So true, too, what you write about. :) Thanks for sharing.

[Jaffa Forbes]

Good concept to write about. It seems to happen quite a bit, you have a great relationship with somebody for awhile and then it just starts drifting away. Nice poem :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

So many people take love for granite when they have it... forgetting that it takes effort and attention... like doing little things for one another each day to show you pay attention to there needs and care... I understand where you are coming from, a well placed vent.