Another Storm

Something I just found in the notepad of my cell phone from back in Feb.

Another full moon,

Another monsoon.

 

 

 In the atmosphere we call us.

 

 

 Hallucinations in your head,

 

 

 Is it something I said?

 

 

Shut me out, go ahead

 

 

Slam the door!

 

 

 

 

Don't know how much more

 

I can endure...

 

Love you so,

 

 

 

You act like you don't.

 

 

 

Want so bad to stay

but I should run away.

Never look back..

 

but I do and I see you,

Standing there, with that face

 

That beautiful face

 

 

And we come close, embrace.

Reviews

[alyssa]

i reallly love thise write...lots of emotion and so true!!
alyssa

[Drew Wade]

I am conflicted about this one. I like rhyming when it works, and in some cases in this one, it works well. Other times it feels forced. The first two lines would be an example of rhyming that works, in my opinion. Lines 4, 5, and 6 don't work so well. Take that for what it is. My opinions can be very particular and sorry if you are finding yourself the victim of them.

Otherwise, I really like how this poem is broken up.

The last three lines, in my opinion, are perfect. Not only do they rhyme well, but they repeat where repetition is called for, and the end is glorious in its romantic simplicity.

[Winter McPherson]

Wow......thoughts from a cell phone. Very sweet!

[John A Common]

Most of my best stuff was written while I was drunk. I really like this one. I dig your use of space on this one. The ending is very well done also. Lauren your writing keep's getting better and better,so just keep it up.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Well you left plenty of room to read between the lines, LOL...

seriously i really like it a lot... the analogy of two lovers fighting then finding calm in there hearts when the emotional storm is over.

[Lauren Beth]

Don't know what happened to this! lol why there's so much space between lines, I tried to fix but it won't work :P Maybe it has something to do with the fact I had a few drinks!