Great piece, especially for a Haiku! I can totally relate to the subject matter, as you might learn from some of my writings. The words you chose we strong, effective, and vivid. Nice flow and rhythm. I like that the lines all make sense and go together. I've read some ridiculous Haikus, so this, again, is a refreshing piece.
Suggestion: Only thing I would change is to place a comma after "can't" in the last line. I think it needs a pause there. First time I read it, the two thoughts bled into one another.
I can feel the intensity, erotic, yet sad at the same time..
Or perhaps, wise.
You run, because you were driven out of the garden of love for some reason.
* "Driven out, and compelled to be chaste."
Something was, or is...
* "binding with briars my (your) joys and desires"
Anyway......This is very well done.:-)
Great piece, especially for a Haiku! I can totally relate to the subject matter, as you might learn from some of my writings. The words you chose we strong, effective, and vivid. Nice flow and rhythm. I like that the lines all make sense and go together. I've read some ridiculous Haikus, so this, again, is a refreshing piece.
Suggestion: Only thing I would change is to place a comma after "can't" in the last line. I think it needs a pause there. First time I read it, the two thoughts bled into one another.
I enjoy writing poetry, usually just what comes to me. I write for me, it's like just something that I need to get out. Whatever hits me at the moment I start jotting down, on sticky notes, napkins.... more..