Crash and Burn

 

 

 

It’s not fair, you break the rules,

I’m always here waiting for you,

Always true to only you

You say you are too but

Am I being played a fool?

You caused me to crash

I brought you down too.

But we faced the storm.

Emerging from the murky water,

Together. Now again,

We continue to falter.

Another crash and burn

Will there be survivors this time?

Or a gloomy death.

Bright skies seem so far away.

But I will trek towards the light,

For you, get through.

Can you find your way,

Or will you stay in the dark,

In the stale, dank, death.

Reviews

[Drew Wade]

I really like this poem. i like the metaphors you use, and I especially like the structure of it.. you sometimes cut off a sentence mid line and go to the next one, and that is absolutely my favorite, because it keeps people guessing..

"Emerging from the murky water,

Together. Now again,"

that's very rarely done, but you use it to great effect.

"Or will you stay in the dark,

In the stale, dank, death."

In this, I like how you make death something concrete, and take it out of its abstract hiding place.. I would say that maybe it should end in a question, but what do I know? haha. I also like the alliteration between dark, dank, and death.. seriously, this poem was good stuff.

[Ed Rector]

you shouldn't worry about being played the fool or you'll miss out on the great stuff that made you inclined to the person in the first place. will there be surviors this time? we can only hope so... at least you decide to go toward the light near the end of the poem... nice write and have a great one..

[emmajoy]

This is full of emotion, like a cat and dog relationship! You use words so well, there are certain lines that really got to me:

'Another crash and burn / Will there be survivors this time?'

'Can you find your way, / Or will you stay in the dark,/ In the stale, dank, death.'

Thank you for sharing.

[QuietPoet]

Very nice. I liked this. I can relate and it was so deep. Great write.

[M. View]

This is a powerfull poem I like the flow of it and the dark story in it also. You paint a picture of emotions that is towering. Truly very storng write.

[Robert Luna]

Very powerful writing had a lot of emotion and very eye opening to the pain that was felt. You capture the emotion beautifully. Had me in tears nearly. Just to think that the writer of this felt this way. Thanks so much sharing



Great Job!!!!!!!!

[Caleb Benton]

Yet another great write from you. Keep it up

[unlovedpoet]

Can you find your way,Or will you stay in the dark, ..........great poem very emotional and sad

[Jaffa Forbes]

nicely done, the whole poem feels broken and dijointed and it's a good effect that links quite well with the content. Constant repetition of 'you' and 'too' shows anger I guess, but be careful of relying on the same rhymes all the time. tripartite diminuendo in the last line? I don't even know if that's a real term. Perhaps not. What I'm trying to say is that the last line is good. :)
keep well,
Jaff

[Pimpinella]

man this explains word for word the situation my love is in (not my girlfriend she is my best friend). very nice read. ill have to show this to her and she will be amazed like i was =)

[DavidRyan]

I like this a lot. I actually just went through a break up so I could relate completely. Weird how things seem like they're meant to be but end up not working.