Chapter 4A Chapter by Angelica“I lost some of my most prized things, they were stolen from me and I will forever feel guilty for what they took from me. I can’t even begin to describe what all happened because I’m afraid of what it will do to you. If you really want to know, my journal is in my top drawer of my nightstand…be careful with it and I’m sorry for some of the things you will have to read. Just please don’t hold a grudge on the people I mention, it wasn’t their fault. It was all mine. I was too selfish to notice and when I finally did it was too late.” . . . It had been two days since I had seen or talked to my mom since the last incident. Honestly, I didn’t want to see or talk to her because I just couldn’t look at her the same, the fact that she was so ready to move on and forget about Addie, was just unexplainable. As I walked down the stairs I saw someone at the door. “No, I’m sorry he doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now.” I heard my mom say sweetly to whoever was on the other side of the door. “Please, I really need to talk to him…” I recognized the voice immediately. It was Addie’s best friend, Monica. “He’s taking it very hard, as I am also. I have been sleeping in her room every night. I can’t help but feel like such a bad mother!” What the hell was she talking about? “Oh Mrs. Williams, I am so deeply sorry! You are a wonderful mother! No one saw this coming. No one did. I just really wanted to see how Adam was doing.” Monica choked out. She had to be taking this extremely hard. “Thank you, I will tell him that. Now it’s almost time for my hourly prayer session with Addison. I’ll put these flowers in a nice vase.” My mother started to back away from the door. “Take care…uh…Mady!” She stuttered as she tried to remember Monica’s name; but still got it wrong. Monica started to correct her but my mother quickly shut the door in her face. She turned around with a face of disgust as she held the flowers in front of her as if they carried some kind of disease. “I’m sure all these flowers they have been bringing are just full of germs…” She said dropping them in a nearby garbage can. I stared at her in mortification. When she finally noticed me she scoffed, “Now you choose to show your face? Tsk, tsk.” She said clucking her tongue. “Her name is Monica, and how many times has she been coming over?” I tried to keep my voice even but it still shook in anger. She was so oblivious to her children’s lives that she didn’t even know her own children’s’ best friends names’! I was actually shocked she still remembered ours. “It shouldn’t matter. Just a few times, if you hadn’t been confined in your room the past few days you would’ve know that and that there are many others also!” “A few times!” I practically screamed. “She is Addie’s best friend who has to be a wreck and you just belittle her! All these people are giving us their intentions and prayers and all you can do is tell them bogus! I am actually outraged to have to call you my mother!” “Just a few times a day,” she said as if she was trying to aggravate me. “I really don’t see what the big deal is! People are actually sorry for the fact that Addison was so self-centered that she would kill herself! They are the ones that need a reality check!” “Wow…just…wow! I can’t…no! Just forget it! Bye.” I waved my hand dismissively at her as I shoved past her out the door, slamming that in her face also. I needed to find Monica. She was Addie’s best friend and would be blaming this all on herself. She only lived a few houses down so I knew she had just walked to my house. When I finally caught up with her she was silently crying. “Monica.” I said placing my hand on her shoulder. She stopped and turned into me. I embraced her in a tight hug. Her arms just stayed by her side at first but then slowly wrapped around my torso. Her sobs soon took over her whole body and she just shook against me. I felt myself begin to cry also. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t be that macho guy that was strong enough to lift everyone up. “I…miss…her…so…much!” She wailed in between sobs. I squeezed her tighter as I broke into sobs also. “I do also. I still can’t believe she is just…gone.” “What did I do? Why did she never tell me that something was wrong? I thought I was her best friend!” “Shhhh…I don’t know. I didn’t even know. No one did.” I said rubbing up and down her back. “But damn it Adam! I should’ve known! I should’ve seen that my best friend was in trouble and something wasn’t right! I am such a horrible friend!” She yelled pulling away from me. “Monica. You are NOT a horrible friend. Or anything close. I lived with her and I didn’t notice! In a way she obviously didn’t want anyone to know that something was wrong. Otherwise she wouldn’t have gone to so much trouble. But I can tell you that that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t piss the hell out of me that she wouldn’t trust me enough to tell me that something was wrong.” “I wish it would’ve been me…” she said to the ground. I gently grabbed her chin between my index and thumb and lifted it so that her eyes were looking into mine. You could tell that she had been crying for days as her eyes were bloodshot and swollen. They were a dull gray now compared to the deep blue they usually were. “Don’t ever think that. Please, whether it was you or her I would still feel guilty. You can’t think of what this whole thing could’ve been because it isn’t changing.” I said sternly, but as I said it I knew that I was saying it more to convince myself then her. She gave me one of her small, gentle smiles and whispered a thank you. I ended up walking her home soon after that. She teared up again when I said goodbye which broke my heart even more. The one person besides me that would miss her more than anything would be her. Instead of going home to face my cold hearted mother I went on a long walk around the neighborhood, keeping my head down the whole time and shuffling my feet. No matter how much I tried to stop them the tears just kept coming. I felt like such a wuss, but anyone in my position would’ve been crying their eyes out also. I thought of all of the times I had gotten mad at Addie and called her a b***h. I hope she would forgive me. Never in a millions years did I mean it. My body began shaking as my sobs grew louder and more uncontrollable. I sat down on the curb as they overcame me. Did I push her over the edge by being too possessive? I asked myself but instantly knew the answer was no. She always had her own come backs when I would get mad at her but every single time we made up. She used to come in my room after a bad day at school and lay on my bed painting her nails and tell me how much of a b***h so and so was or how embarrassing it was when she spilled paint on the varsity quarterback. I chuckled lightly at the thought of how bright red her face went when I asked where she had spilled it. Apparently it was right on top of his manhood area and when she had tried to clean it up, things just got awkward. “Addie, if your there I hope you know that I love you so much. Even when I was absolutely pissed off at you I stilled loved you. The few times I told you I hated you...” A sob escaped my lips at the thought. “I wish I could just take them back. I am so sorry! If I could have one wish I would want to have you here next to me and I would never let you go! And make sure, you watch over Monica. She needs the extra help to get through this. Forever our lives will be different without you. . .” I stared up at the sky that had a dusty look to it now that night was falling. They will never be the same, I thought. © 2013 AngelicaAuthor's Note
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AngelicaAboutI am a Freshman in high school, and I have always loved to write. I hope that it has some future in my life as it is a way for me to escape. Some of my best pieces are short stories and poetry piece.. more..Writing
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