Where to go from here?

My struggle with trying to fit in.

If i could explain the events of my life to you in chronological order, from beginning to end, I would. However, my life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would growing up and I haven't found an ending yet. In order for me to explain my story, I have to jump from point to point, time to time. I am hoping that these writings will turn out the way I had thought to be in my head, but, so far, what i've learned from life is that things don't always turn out the way you imagine them to be.

Once Melissa left, We continued to be best friends, long-distance through out highschool. We would fly back and forth over the years to visit eachother, with finacial help from my parents. After being commited to their jobs for their entire lives, they had alot to show for it. Over the years as my parents income increased, so did their ego's. They would flaunt their money to their peers (if they truly had any), to their children, to their employees. Whatever I asked for, I got it. Whatever I "needed" or wanted, or didn't need, I would have at the bat of an eye-lash. 

Starting my first day of High school alone I had to fend for myself. Go out on a limb and make friends. The first group of friends I hung out with in high school were simply old enemies. They were looking for a way to bring me down and they succeeded. After I realized that making friends is something that just happens, I started going to the gym alot. I started working out, playing ringette, excelling in gym classes. I started focusing on my love of art class, boys, and studying. I became a smart and dedicated student and along the way I met some of the most reliable, intellegent, and fun group of friends. 

From 2004-2008 I had a normal High School life. I made friends with girls who I thought were cool. They were pretty with blonde hair and blue eyes. They were typical "High school cheerleaders" (even though we didnt have a cheerleading squad, but thats who I imagined they would be in a cheesy high school movie.) They were nice. They were in to boys, drinking, having a good time. I hung out with them on the weekends. We would meet up and go to parties. They were the group of friends I would hang out with to keep in the loop. In High School, I also became friends with a group of teens/young adults from "My Church", and a group of people from my job at the local Dairy Queen. (How Luxurious.) I cared for all of these people. They were all unique, independant and special in their own way. I enjoyed taking it all in and watching who these people would become.

During the week I would go to school, go to work, go to ringette, hang out with my boyfriend (who i will go into detail about in a further chapter), go to church for singing practice, bible study, and a young adult group, and once the week was over, after my youth group meeting ended at 10pm on friday night, I would leave and drive to meet my "girl-friends" at whichever party they were attending. This is where the problem started for me.

Since I kept myself busy during the week, I had a mindset that I could let myself be free on the weekends. And by free, I mean incredibly drunk. Every Friday and Saturday, the girls and I would get together and drink our faces off. This started when I was 13 years old, and I felt a sense of relief knowing that I could make friends and fit in with more people than just one best friend. 

Author's Note

excuse the spelling mistakes. and whatever else you think is wrong with this entry.