Adoption

growing up without knowledge of what it means to be adopted.

For as long as I can remember, I have known that I was adopted. My mother, Kathy always informed me so. When I was around 3 years old, I would get upset about the fact I was adopted because I never really understood what it meant. As A child, I can't blame myself for that. I would see other mommies and their big, round bellies and say, "Tell me about when I was in your tummy, mom." She would say that I was adopted, to which I would respond, " Why does it always have to be you, me and adopted!"

In 1993, my family adopted my sister Kristin when she was around a month old. At this time it was hard to understand who, what and why this baby was in my house. "Mom, who's baby is this?" I would ask my mother, and she would explain to me that this was my new sister! I didn't have 9 months to adjust to the idea. I didn't get to see my baby sister growing and my family going through a bonding experience with a new baby coming. One day she was just there and i just loved her. 

At age 5 our family moved from Northern Canada to a small, boom-town still located in Northern Canada but 10 hours south. I remember not wanting to move but when you are a child you have no input in what your parents decide to do. (Atleast I didn't.) So here I was, 5 years old and starting Grade 1 in a new town with no friends and no idea of where I was. My parents would send my sister and I to the bus stop every morning, we would go to school, and catch the bus to our baby sitters place. My sister and I both hated it there. We would often tell the bus driver that our parents said to take us home after school. We would go home and hang around with the kids who lived in the cul-de-sac at the trailer park. It was so much fun hanging out with the 4 other kids our age! We would go to the park, play with their battery-powered pink jeep, get in little kid arguements and then at the end of the day ( around 5 when our parents got home from work), my sister and I would be in trouble. Spending the rest of the night in our rooms and being forced to go to our babysitters house every day after school.

My sister and I spent alot of time together, playing, fighting, laughing. I mostly enjoyed getting dressed up and putting on dance shows for my parents. I had a  Dance Mix 1996/1997 that I was incredibly fond of dancing too. I would dress my sister and I up in these silly, yet glamerous old halloween costumes that my parents had and coreograph a dance move to show my parents later that night. They were never really into it. They watched and I would look for some sort of recognition, or acceptance, or applause. I wanted so badly for them to acknowledge that I had put this all together for them to enjoy and yet, it seemed as if they never did. 

When I think back to these early years of my childhood it makes me incredibly sad. I think back to all the fights I had with my sister and I wish I could take them all back. I miss her terribly.. 

When I got a bit older my family moved into a big, brown, four level split house. Which just so happened to be right across the street from my soon to be Best Friend. The house was huge compared to our small trailer that we were living in before. We had a large back and front yard, 3 bathrooms, our own seperate bedrooms and apparently, alot of renovations to do. 

Growing up my Mom and Dad were always working. I can't remember a time that I hung out with my parents besides being forced to spend an hour at church with them on Sundays. We weren't a very family oriented family. I spent most of my time hanging out with my best friend Melissa. We became friends in grade 2 over the similarity in our names. Alyssa and Melissa, Mel and Aly. Her family became my family. They seemed to care more about my well-being. Although they were an incredibly disfunctional family themselves, they all cared about eachother and wanted to be around eachother and I so desperately wanted that from my own family. 

Melissa and I were inseperable through-out elementary and junior high. When grade 8 graduation came around I was informed that Melissa and her family would be moving back to Ontario. I was broken. My best and only friend/companion was going to be leaving. What would I do? Who would I be? Who would I hang around with in my first year of Highschool!? (Oh, the worries of being a teenager.. If i knew what life as a young adult would be like, i wouldn't have even spent the time worrying about this.) I  desperately missed my best friend, but as time went on, our friendship would eventually fade, infact come to a complete stop.