Ch. 2 What Is So Wrong With me

Kristin’s alarm clock went off. Another restless night, she thought. Ever since the kiss, she had been unable to sleep. I have a boyfriend, she kept thinking over and over again in her head, even though he’s an a*s. Of course, she wanted to be with Dominick more than anything, but he wouldn’t have broken up with Victoria for her. So how can he expect me to break up with Louis?

        “This isn’t fair!!” She yelled out into her empty room. Her dog cocked his head up and looked at her. “If only you knew how I felt, maybe you could help me,” she told her dog as she gave him a kiss on the forehead and petted him softly.

        As her day went on, she couldn’t stop thinking about Louis or Dominick, and it was driving her insane. Earlier that morning, she was on the phone with Louis, and he had told her he couldn’t be with someone who kept pushing him away. Louis thought it was unintentional, which had some truth, but Kristin just didn’t have any idea anymore.

        She wanted to date Dominick, but she didn’t want Louis to hate her, and she didn’t want to hurt him. But, as she realized last night, she had hurt everyone around her. This had made her feel even worse.

        When she had gotten home, the house was empty, and Kristin fell on her bed and screamed, “What do you want from me?!?!?” In response, she received only silence. Kristin sat up in her bed and cried. Everything comes at the worst time, she thought to herself through tears.

        Two years ago, words had been exchanged, feelings conveyed. Yet, Kristin had been so unwilling, so doubtful, of this relationship, so scared that it could actually work. And after the fight, she killed herself everyday over it.

        When she finally decided she was ready, about three months afterwards, she called to apologize. They started hanging out again, but then she discovered he was going out with Victoria. Kristin made him swear he didn’t love her any more, though he denied it at first.

        Then about two months later, she met Louis. She still swore even to this day it was love, maybe lust, at first site. Kristin and Louis started dating, while she tried to keep in touch with Dominick, easier said than done.

        Kristin now sat on her bed staring at the pictures he gave her. One coded, ‘You will always remain in my heart’ or something like that. Kristin giggled, the writing was in romaji, but she had placed the translation on the back.

        “I’m too lazy to get up,” she laughed again.

        She remembered when Dominick had given her those pictures. It was a little before she had a total breakdown in school. She didn’t even know what it was, she was just crying. Her and Louis had been dating for about four months now, and every time she would close her eyes, Dominick would be there. She wanted to be with him so badly, but she knew it would never happen.

        She remembered going down to his house that day, to hang out. She remembered asking him if he still loved her. His response was a smile and him saying, ‘No, I can say that now. I love Victoria more than anything.’ And Kristin remembered, she said, ‘Me too’ even though every piece of her regretted it.

        Her eyes were tearing up again. Her puppy whimpered by her side.

        “I’m so stupid!!” She cried again and again. “How could I think he’d even love me again? After saying he didn’t over and over! Oh my God!!” She cried, her covers and sheets soaked.

        A few months ago, Kristin was over her friend Emily’s house. She was crying to Emily of how much she had missed Dominick.

        “I would leave Louis in a heartbeat for him, you know,” Kristin remembered herself saying.

        Emily replied, “He still loves you. I know he does. You guys are supposed to be together. It’s fate.”

        “He would never leave Victoria for me, besides they’re so good together, they belong together. I don’t want to be with reason they’re not together,” Kristin whispered. Dominick and she had been talking the entire time through text when Emily grabbed the phone.

        “You never know until you try.”

        “I can’t,” Kristin whispered again.

        Emily pointed the phone towards, as if teasing. “Either you tell him,” Emily snatched the phone back, “Or, I will.”

        Kristin panicked. “He doesn’t feel the same way. It would do nothing!!”

        “Tell him, because I’m going to do it if you don’t!”

        “Why can’t you let me live in a world, where at least I think he does, and I can pretend instead of smashing what little of a dream and hope I have left?”

        Emily smiled, “Because he loves you.”

        Kristin took the phone, with Emily breathing down her neck, and texted, ‘I love you’. Her stomach started churning, and she felt like she was going to puke.

        When her phone sounded, she was scared to read it, Emily sat nearby for comfort. The text read ‘I’m sorry, but I have Victoria. I don’t feel that way towards you anymore.’ Emily went and hugged Kristin and held her as she cried.

        “I’m pathetic,” Kristin now said, done reminiscing about her past, to the dog. He wagged his tale and perked his head, as if agreeing Kristin laughed. “What do I do? I used to think we were perfect, and soul mates.” Kristin sighed and looked up at her ceiling. “God? Why can’t you make decisions for me?” To make things worse, she had no idea of what was to come the following week.