Dancing with Death

ah i dont know what to say. Trigger warning maybe?

I can't say my whole experience was hell, it was my escape from reality. I can't say it was all good either. You will never know the adrenaline of sneaking out at 1 a.m. to meet your dealer so you don't have to deal with another second of not having your fix. You will never know the fear of getting caught, yet wanting to get caught so someone will stop you. I remember my first withdrawal like it was yesterday, cold sweats and burning throats. The thump of your own heart over the small begs for your fix. I remember my first near death experience with overdosing..the pain getting too much so you go get more and fill yourself with temporary happiness. The worst part of being an addict was not the withdrawal...or for me it wasn't. The worst part was being in so much fear of withdrawal that I chose a poison over the love of my life. The realization that I had royally fucked myself over. Oh dear there goes the second over dose, after upping the dosage after you can no longer get the high you desperately need. The using used needles despite the dangers of getting some disease......I can't say my whole experience was hell, it was my escape from reality. I can't say it was all good either. One good thing that came from this personal hell..you learn who cares about you, the people who hear the news of you being 24 hours clean and threatening you "if you shoot up again i will kick your a*s into the next millennium." I don't know about you but I want my a*s where it is.

Author's Note

*TRIGGER WARNING* Oh geez I spout stupidity like a broken idiotic faucet. This is stupid.