50 Days

a short story about teenagers with a broken heart.

I'm having another one of those weeks. And tonight, I'm having one of those nights. My body is exhausted, my mind is tired, and I feel emotionally numb. 
Yet I can't sleep. So I am sitting here blasting music. Of course music that reminds me of you. Why am I torturing myself..? And I'm forcing myself to delete the last texts you sent without rereading them. 
How long has it been since you ended it? You probably don't know. But I've counted the days. It's been 50 days. The higher the number to more foolish I feel for holding on to you for so long. 
I bring my legs up to my chest and stare into the darkness of my room. I'm wearing your shirt. The shirt you told me to keep the day you ended it. As if I still meant something when we both knew I didn't. You probably did it to torture me.
It's working. 
I bet you threw out our hoodie. The one we bought together and we promised to share. I got it one week, you got it the other. "Just something to share," you had said. 
I climb out of bed; put on my jeans, boots, and a jacket. I grabbed my keys and ever so quietly I made my way out of the house. 
At first I wasn't sure where I was going. I started the engine and drove out of the drive way. At first I was just going. Then I knew where to go. 
I drive off the main road onto a dirt road. I park at the bend in the road. I walk around only to see something I wasn't expecting. 
This was our place. The old bridge that hadn't been used for 35 years. It just sat there hanging over the river. We started going here when we were just friends. But when we became much more you'd bring me here just to talk. You'd hold my hand as we walked back and forth across the bridge. 
I've been coming here many nights since we ended. It oddly comforts me. Reminds me of a time I was actually happy. The sound of the river soothing me, forcing me to relax. 
But not tonight. I stop dead in my tracks. Every muscle locks up on me and my brain decides blank out while my heart speeds up. 
It's you. In all your perfection. Why would you be here? Your back is to me so I could easily walk away. But no, I find myself walking towards you. 
I stop when I'm a few feet away. My breathing is sporadic. 
"Hi," I say. 
Stupid I know. But what else is there to say? Especially when I know my brain and tongue refuse to work together. 
You turn around. The moon light gives me a good look at your perfect face. I notice you're wearing our hoodie. 
We stand there a moment. I have no idea what to say and I don't want to look you in the face. 
"You look so worn down," you say finally. 
You honestly don't know the half of it... 
I finally look you in the face. I mean really look. You look half dead. 
"You too," 
"What are you doing here?"
"I come here almost every night. What are you doing here?"
"I usually come here during the day," you say. "but I had to come here." 
"Why?" 
"If we were still together it'd be our one year anniversary," 
You did remember... 

You step foward and take me in your arms. At first I don't know what to do. But soon I hold you as well. You're crying.
"I'm so sorry," you say. 
I'm too numb to cry. But inside I feel like I'm tearing apart. All my emotions I'd held in and desensitized begin to come to life. Making me feel dead inside. 
You take my hand. I can't bring myself to let go. We start walking the bridge like we used to. When we get half way I stop. You look at me. 
I walk over to the edge of the bridge. The river below looks angry. It's rushing and gurgling. Like a monster. You're leaning with your back on a beam now. Looking over at me. I side glance at you. 
You look away. So I take one foot and step up on the edge. Using a beam to help me balance once both my feet were off the ground. 
You're looking down now. 
I look away and stare into the angry water. I feel dead and my chest is empty. 
I turn around and face away. I don't want to see it coming. 
"You know," you start to say. 
I let go of the beam and balance on my own. 
"What?" 
"I still love you," you look up at me. 
At the same moment I let myself lean back. My whole body becoming airborne. You try to quickly grab for me but its too late.
As I fall I watch you get smaller and smaller. 
The water is cold yet inviting. I feel comfort. 
I slowly float deeper, then my lungs fill with water. Then I panic. 
And then...

Author's Note

not my best and honestly it was written out of pure emotion. so i'm sorry if it makes no sense.

Reviews

[Kate Hunter]

oh my goodness it's so adorable i melted with the first line and by the time i had finished, I had to mop myself up and recompose myself. I'm adding this to my library. It ties in so well with what really happens in teenage relationships. Well done.