A note in the pocket

Ever find money in the back of your pocket? Well this is like that, only the luck wasnt because of the money, but it was in the jeans.

These jeans I wear now,

Are not so new,

But in the fabric luck was sewn,

Who could have knew?

 

My hand in the back pocket,

A note I found,

“These jeans are lucky”

And by luck I’m bound.

 

“Do not choose your luck”

“It will come to you”

I touched my jeans,

So soft and blue.

 

Whose jeans were these?

That’s never known,

As I thought of the words,

My luck, then, shown.

Author's Note

I need a little help with the ending, If you have any ideas, please let me know. All ideas are welcome. :D

Reviews

[Red Rose]

Not my favorite, but still good. (:

[Liverpoolfan]

This does not do you justice. Compared to your other piece of poetry, this is actually really bad. The poem is quite short. But that does not hinder it. It is short and simple, making it an engaging read. However, the rhyming seems to be a little to forced. The flow also seems stilted. I was actually cringing when I read the first stanza:
These jeans I wear now,
Are not so new,
But in the fabric luck was sewn,
Who could have knew?

The last line "who could have knew?" makes no sense. If this was the first piece of writing I read of yours, I would have read no further (hopefully that make sense). The 'knew' should be changed to 'known'. Although it is a poem, it doesn't need to rhyme.
The only reason I continued with this piece is that I saw it was quite short. And, it didn't get that much better. I suggest that you re-read and check some of your grammer. Although it is a poem, correct punctuation is still needed. Commas can do wonders. This poem actually has a lot of potential. And, I suggest that you work on the beginning and middle, before you think about the end! Anyway, good luck with it. This was still quite an enjoyable piece. Your writing style is unique and interesting.

[snapstache]

it flows really well!
I loved it!
I think the ending was great, you shuldn't change it!
*.*

[Matt]

this is got such a smoooth flow.
great job

[The Perfectionist]

Word to the wise; rhyming a word with a homonym is just as tacky and avoidable as rhyming a word with itself

It's an interesting little poem. I often have difficulty with pieces this short because there's not really much to talk about, and that's again the case here. It's simple for the most part, though it makes me sad that all of your rhymes feel forced.

The first one is something you should avoid, the second and third sound like you were just searching for a rhyme, and the last one is worse than the two preceding it. You need more practice with rhyme schemes, I think; keep working at it until it doesn't read forced.

As far as the ending, I don't really know what you'd want to do with that. You could add another stanza, or (perhaps better) just change the last one into something else. Here's something off the top of my head, make of it what you will.

Whose jeans were these?
I will never know
My luck is with them
Until I let them go

[Null]

I like the flow, but as for ending? Don't dwell on it, it will come to you

[Victoria Thornton]

It reminded me of Sisterhood of the traveling pants...