9. NOOOOO NOT YOU!!

For the benefit of Aurora Lynn... The introduction of Captain Jack Harkness.

*In Quantico*

 

*Megan, Jocelyn, and Mayisha are together at last. The three of them are in an interrogation room, lit by the light of a swinging light bulb up above. They are awaiting one or more of the BAU agents to come in and interrogate them further.*

 

Mayisha: *sighs* Wonder what happened to Liv.

 

Megan: At least the three of us are together.

 

Jocelyn: Guys, seriously. You’re acting like we’re prisoners-of-war, and Liv is never coming back.

 

Mayisha: WHAT IF SHE’S NOT?! *tears up*

 

Jocelyn: DUH SHE’S COMING BACK!

 

Mayisha: Oh, okay. Problem solved~

 

*The door opens. Morgan walks in followed by Prentiss, JJ, and…

 

CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS*

 

Jocelyn: *spazzes* NOOOOO NOT YOU!!!!!!!

 

Jack: IT’S ME~

 

Megan and Mayisha: WHY US?!

 

Morgan: That what the BAU team was thinking when the four of you came into our care.

 

Megan: Trust me, TRUST ME. We’re not as bad as Jack.

 

Jocelyn: NOOOOO…

 

Jack: Aw, c’mon, baby. I’m not that bad.

 

Jocelyn: *vomits*

 

Morgan: OH! Seriously?

 

Prentiss: Someone get her a bucket.

 

JJ: Coming right up. *sprints from the room*

 

Morgan: I bet Garcia is laughing at us.

 

Mayisha: No, Morgan, Garcia is laughing at YOU. Because she secretly LOVES YOU.

 

Morgan: What?

 

Mayisha: Don’t you support Morgan/Garcia?

 

Morgan: …

 

Mayisha: Everyone does! Even Olivia!

 

Jocelyn: WHYYYYYY ISSSSSS ITTTTTT AAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAYSSSSSSSSSS MEEEEEEEEE????!!!!!

 

Jack: Come here--

 

Jocelyn: DON’T TOUCH ME! *tazers him*

 

Morgan: What the hell was that for?!

 

Jocelyn: I always tazer him. Duh.

 

Morgan: But…

 

Mayisha: Do you know that he can come back to life?

 

Prentiss: What?

 

Mayisha: LIKE SO: *steals Morgan’s gun and then shoots Jack*

 

Prentiss: HOLY S**T!

 

Mayisha: *laughs evilly*

 

Jack: *comes back to life*

 

Prentiss: Oh. My. God.

 

Jack: Ow.

 

Prentiss: Jack… why didn’t you tell us this?

 

Megan: How do you know Jack?

 

Prentiss: *flatly* We’re college buddies.

 

Jocelyn: REEEALLY?

 

Morgan: *looks to Megan* Is she usually this gullible?

 

Megan: Yes. Yes she is.

 

Mayisha: *shoots Jack again*

 

Jack: *dies*

 

Prentiss: But… Oh boy…

 

Morgan: Jack is a trusted member of the FBI, via Torchwood. He’s our consultant in some of our cases.

 

Jocelyn: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO CONSULT JACK HARKNESS? It’s not like he has anything good to say…

 

Jack: *comes back to life* Actually, I’m a perfectly good consultant, thank-you-very-much.

 

JJ: *comes back with a bucket and mop* *cleans up Jocelyn’s mess* Actually, for the record, I always thought that you were a lousy consultant, Jack…

 

Jocelyn: YOU’RE MY NEW FAVORITE PERSON! …Uh, what’s your name?

 

JJ: JJ.

 

Jocelyn: Oh yeah.

 

Megan: ULTRA DUH!

 

JJ: So you can come back to life, Jack?

 

Jack: *coming back to life* You sound pretty relaxed about it.

 

JJ: I’m not sure if I believe it.

 

Mayisha: *shoots Jack*

 

JJ: Oh my--

 

Jack: *comes back to life*

 

JJ: Oh.

 

Jack: See?

 

Megan: He’s a freak.

 

Mayisha: This is why he keeps successfully stalking Jocelyn.

 

Jack: No, Jocelyn secretly loves me.

 

Megan: Hate to break it to you, Jack, but no, she doesn’t.

 

Jack: But… All those stories… Running off into the sunset…?

 

Mayisha: IT WAS CALLED TORTURE.

 

Jack: NOOOO.

 

Mayisha: Gawd, the guy’s so gullible.

 

Morgan: Him and Jocelyn are a good match.

 

Jocelyn: *punches him*

 

Morgan: *stumbles back* You punch hard for a--

 

Prentiss: DO. NOT. BE SEXIST.

 

JJ: OR WE WILL KILL YOU.

 

Morgan: Okay, okay.

 

Prentiss: We can’t tell the others about this.

 

Morgan: I’m guessing Garcia already knows.

 

Garcia: *shouting from outside* YOU BETCHA!

 

Morgan: So we can’t tell Reid, Gideon, and Hotch.

 

Mayisha: Why not?

 

Morgan: ’Cause it’s weird.

 

JJ: DUH RIGHTBACKATCHA.

 

Mayisha: …

 

Megan: RARE SIGHTING! MAYISHA IS ACTUALLY SPEACHLESS!!

 

Everyone but Mayisha: O.o

Author's Note

Yesh, Captain Jack is from Doctor Who/Torchwood. Own nothin' but my own creations~ Though I WISH I owned Hotch and Reid...

Reviews

[Roxi L]

Nice....

[~goh~]

Gah...overload of Jack...brain...cannot...compute...*shutsdown*

[livinglifeloud]

Because I dont like watch these tv shows, Im confused with some of the characters, but it is pretty funny!

[compositionc]

HA HA HA HA HA. I WANT TO SHOOTMORE PEOPLE. NOW. EXCEPT JACK. HES NOOOO FUN.

[Aurora Lynn]

I. AM. NOT. THAT. GULLABLE!

And I do punch hard, so at least you got that right. ^_^ I'm still wondering why you had to bring Jack in... write more though. This stuff is amazing.

[Short.Nerd]

Again... I love i t:D This is hilarious.