In A Dark Room Without Joy

#sixwordstory. I used this hashtag to create this story. It was actually an assignment for class where we had to experiment. Each sentence here is six words and is, itself, a story.

She had always loved urban Paris.

Cliffs and spikes, still and shifting.

Delighted, high in the sky, alone.

The street below held the people.

They did not know she existed.

Blackberry wanted one to look up.

They were a million miles away.

They would never see her eyes.

They’d never see her grave pain.

Then, someone stopped and gazed aloft.

The stranger had ruffled black hair.

They wore a pale blue coat.

They were making eye contact, maybe.

Nervous, embarrassed, she broke it off.

Stepped back into the grasping shadows.

Making her way to the vanity.

Watching herself coming closer through darkness.

Her eyes were bright and glinting.

They felt violent, unrecognizable, and bleak.

Could the stranger see all that?

Could the stranger know her deeply?

The shadows hovered like thick fog.

Sunlight stopped at the window pane.

Could she venture to the outside?

Could she possibly breathe out there?

Perhaps she would find the stranger.

They seemed to understand her heartache.

Blackberry grabbed her coat, black wool.

Then a knock hit the door.

She paused, unsure what to do.

Who would visit her in Paris?

She knew none but her landlord.

Grasping the door handle, she tensed.

The knock came again and again.

So she ripped the door open.

There stood the stranger from below.

Black hair, blue coat, kind eyes.

Tears came to Blackberry’s dark eyes.

This was no stranger at all.

This was the one she’d lost.

Her name was Wolfberry, Blackberry’s protector.

They’d been separated for many years.

Wolfberry lifted her arms, crying out.

“I have searched the whole Earth!”

The girls embraced, sobbing and sighing.

Blackberry had travelled the earth over.

She stayed hidden in the darkness.

She was afraid of the pain.

She was afraid of her grief.

The shadows once stuck to walls.

Now, they faded from the room.

The sunlight brought warmth and joy.

The girls sat side by side.

They held hands and smiled widely.

Together, they remembered what happiness was.

Author's Note

Like I said, I created this for class. I also have to do a reflection portion where I talk about feedback I received. How successful do you think this piece is, as six word stories and overall? Anything you have to say is welcome.

Reviews

[Chris]

I believe stories of ANY word count need to be taken individually to be appreciated for what they say and how they say it. As this one is - the mind ties each line into the next and next seeking commonality, growth, elucidation, and meaning - emotional and otherwise. Hence no line IS the story nor separate.

As a poem - this one hints at understanding but to me the self-set 6 word lines too often seem to over or under serve the ability to build and develop the needed links and continuations of thought flows. I feel like it lacks coherent direction. But again, that's just me.