The Postal Rebellion

This story is written in a Hunger Games type style. It is about a group of teens who seek to rebel against an unfair government control. Please email me back with any feedback or somehow respond.

Prologue

            The year is 2036 and the world is in chaos.  The government has enslaved its citizens by enforcing a new law referred to as the “Green Act.”  This law was meant to protect the planet by reducing the excess usage of coal, oil, and ultimately America’s carbon foot print.  Instead, those in charge; referred to as the United States Greenhouse Gas Emission Control Agency (USGGECA); have used the law to control the people.  For short, I will refer to them as the UGCA (United Greenhouse Control Agency).

            The UGCA had the best of intentions when they started in 2024.  They focused on helping many live off the land and use resources more efficiently.  However, power has a way of taking over you.  Just two years after UGCA formed, plans were made for congress to pass “The Green Act,” which would give congress the ability to regulate and control what resources were available, the amount available, and the price. The UGCA claimed that by controlling the amount of fossil fuels, America’s carbon foot print would decrease and the world would prosper.  Americans immediately saw the potential threat of handing over their rights to these resources and fought desperately against the bill. “The Green Act” would have immediately been turned down if it were not for the events that unfolded the following year.   In 2027, Hurricane Mabel hit the California coast.  This hurricane all but destroyed California leaving half the state completely underwater.  It also destroyed my home and forever changed my life.  Those in California were forced to leave their homes and were re-populated in Arizona while construction teams and volunteer agencies did what they could to repair what was left.  The government cared nothing that, after the storm, many were left without parents or loved ones.  Those without like Jake, Ian, Jamie, and me grouped together in order to survive. 

            After Hurricane Mabel those enforcing, “The Green Act” claimed that Hurricane Mabel was America’s fault.  They claimed that America’s fast growing carbon foot print had been what caused the Hurricane. In reality, the UGCA only wanted Americans to believe the story so they could slowly gain control. Many believed the scam and, “The Green Act” was welcomed into law the following year. Since then, government has tried to squeeze more and more power out of the hands of American citizens.  The government all but controls our very livelihoods now.  With the future laws they’ve passed, since Hurricane Mabel, only certain cars are allowed to ride on streets; namely the Postal office for communication, the Police for civil protection, and government official cars driving to and from the state capitol.  Since last year, all laws have been formed and voted upon at the state capitol in Washington D.C. by a select few government individuals as well as those in government who are able to make an appearance.  Surprisingly those on the east coast are doing very well and are given a steady stream of goods and services by sea rather than by land.  The government seems to overlook the amount of smog ships create in comparison to automobiles as well as the land trapped states which do not have easy access to sea trade.  In land trapped states, like Arizona where we live, it is very hard to find any goods and many have lost their jobs because of scarce customers and an inability to trade.  In addition, Arizona’s dry desert ground means that almost nothing grows easily.  Those that have made a living trading citrus have almost no one to sell to and selling other harder to grow products to poor Arizona residents doesn’t pay the bills.   People realized this pretty fast and many have re-populated closer to the Mexican border to more easily trade to wealthier buyers.  Our town of Mesa has become all but a ghost town.

            At times like these, I’m really glad I’ve found a few people I can trust.  Jamie, Ian, and Jake have become my new family and we work together every day to stay alive and stay together.  In a crumbling world it’s really good to have people you can trust.  The year is 2036 and this is where our story really begins.

 

Chapter 1: A Crumbling World

Allison

            I kick my feet up watching the dust puff up and linger a moment before it falls back onto my sneakers.  Arizona is notorious for dust storms and with few people still in the area motivated to clean the streets.   I can barely see the cracked sidewalk underneath me.  Most of Mesa has been left abandoned and uncared for.  I can see protest graffiti on the sides of buildings, many reading “Down with the Green Act!” or “Where’s Freedom?” from the short time Mesa residents actually tried to protest government action. Many buildings have become, like the land, brown like dirt, their paint fading in the desert sun.  Store windows have been either broken or boarded up.  What used to be a highly populated and beautiful city has become all but a crumbling ghost town for those still living here.

The summer sun beats down and I feel lucky that I’m not far from one of the only stores left in town.  The owner, Aunt Cici, as she calls herself, is the kindest woman you will ever meet.  She’s done fairly well, because her husband Jim is a mail carrier. Being a mail carrier, Jim has limited car rights and oil, given to him monthly by the government, allowing him to continue aiding in Arizona state mail communications as well as the right to use any extra to trade goods with Mexico.  This has allowed them to stay in Mesa and ultimately has helped my family survive. 

            I can feel sweat dripping down my back now and I wish I had brought water with me for the journey.  Water is a particular problem in Arizona.  When my family can, we try to preserve it, because we know we only have so much.  My familiy’s not located near enough to fresh water to collect it every day.  We survive by gathering water buckets outside to catch the rain water.  If it doesn’t rain and we run out, it means a long trip to get more from the Salt River, whose salty water has to be boiled in order to drink, or it means a very expensive trip to those selling fresh water.  Money is increasingly hard to come by for us since we’re mostly a bunch of unemployed sixteen year olds excluding Jamie who’s twelve.  We’ve survived by turning a corner of our large postal warehouse home into a mini garden.  We don’t make much from our crop, but with the seeds we save each year, we are able to earn enough season to season in order to pay for our own food.  If food became scarcer we could probably just live off what we grow, but Ian and Jake don’t seem to care for tomatoes, lettuce, and zucchini every meal.

            I reach the store and push in the glass door entering the closet sized store.  I’d asked Aunt Cici why she didn’t prefer to move into a bigger venue, but she’d said she liked the smaller store because it made it appear like she had a lot more to sell than her few competitors.  The door slams shut jingling the chimes on the window announcing my arrival. 

            “Hello Allison, How’s the family doing?” Aunt Cici greets me kindly.  She’s sitting in a corner of the room with her old cash register.  Her wrinkled hands collect dollar bills from the blonde woman she’s serving.  The blonde woman has a loaf of bread tucked under her pale arm and a more precious commodity in her hand, cheese.

            “They’re good.”  I reply smiling politely as I browse the wooden shelves.  My eyes can’t help but wander over to the woman buying cheese.  The woman is tall, blonde, and is wearing a bright red colored lip stick.  I know she must be from out of town because no one can afford lip stick here, but also because Aunt Cici seems to be increasingly polite about her visit.  I can tell by the way she carries herself that this woman is confident and most likely somehow related with the government although I didn’t see a car outside the shop.  I try not to give it much thought continuing to browse the shelves deciding what to purchase.  My mind can’t help but wander back to her cheese and my mouth waters just thinking about it.  I look at the handful of quarters I have in my hand.  Even with all my money, I wouldn’t have enough for something that precious.  I pick up a loaf of bread reluctantly checking the price…$1.50.  It’s gone up more than fifty cents since the last time I was here!  I groan inside to myself counting my handful of quarters.  All together I have $3.50.  If prices continued to grow, Jake and Ian really would be stuck eating from our garden whether they liked it or not. 

            I tuck the loaf under my arm and look for something that would at least go well with our usual loaf.  I pick up a can of peanut butter turning it in my hand before checking the price.  It’s far too much and I put it back on the shelf.  I walk down to the end of the shelf and pick up canned chili.  I check the price and it’s at least reasonable.  I pick up a small bag of cheap oranges for good measure and determine that’s all I’ll get with the money I’ve brought.  With the food I’d been able to buy, our family would only be able to eat a good two meals if we were lucky, but it would have to do.

            I wait until the woman leaves before walking up to the register fairly unsatisfied.   I unload my groceries onto the table giving my best attempt of a smile to Aunt Cici politely.  After all, it isn’t her fault that food costs so much.  Aunt Cici, just like the rest of us, is simply trying to survive and make a good profit.  She smiles back seeming not to notice my straining smile as she checks the prices. After a few moments, she looks back up saying, “Your total comes to three forty.”  I give her the handful of money in my hand and she hands me back a dime telling me to have a nice day.  I gather my groceries and turn my back walking out, as the door chimes sing behind me.

 

Chapter 2: Meet My Family

Allison

            “ALLISON!” Jamie calls out from the open doorway.  His grey eyes shine brightly as he begins running towards me his little brown curls bouncing like tiny springs.  His arms outstretch and I’m surprised at the sudden impact as he just about tackles me almost knocking me off my feet.  I take a moment to steady myself before I smile hugging him close saying, “You’re getting a bit big for bear hugs.”

            Jamie laughs objecting, “No way!”  His eyes shift to the groceries in my hand taking great notice in the bread, chili, and bag of oranges I’m holding.  He seems very pleased which makes me feel a bit better about my purchase.

            I bend down to his level, “Jamie how about you get Jake and Ian.  I’ll cook dinner okay?”  Jamie nods running inside the large fairly empty mail warehouse.  The warehouse had once been fully operational, but for one reason or another it’d been left abandoned.  Now the local mail warehouse is located in an old brick building three miles down Recker Road.

            I go inside walking to a small corner of the warehouse where we’ve made our own kitchen.  We’d taken an electric stove and a small refrigerator from a nearby abandoned home.  It’d taken all of us just to get it inside.  Frankly, if you ask me I remember it being a major pain. Jake ended up dropping the corner of the fridge on Ian’s toe and I swear Ian cried bloody murder.  We’d also stolen a bit of furniture to make a nice table to sit at and we’d put up cardboard walls from old boxes left in the warehouse to make it feel more roomy.  We’d done the same thing for each of our bedrooms since the warehouse was completely flat and open when we’d first arrived.  With all the work we’ve done, the warehouse really does feel more like a home than it did when we first moved in. 

            I get a knife from on top of the fridge and proceed to stab the can of chili with it in attempts to open it. 

            “Allison you’re never going to get it open like that,” Jake says leaning against the solid warehouse back wall.  His black hair is in his eyes and his brown eyes barely can be seen.  He walks over to me and takes the knife shaking his head making me feel like an instant idiot.  He punches the knife into a corner of the can and slowly rotates it around the can till the top opens.  I roll my eyes taking the can from him.  “I could have done that myself Jake.” 

            Jake might have answered back, but Jamie bounced in dragging Ian behind.  Ian looks like he’d just barely rolled out of bed.  He runs his fingers through his blonde hair trying to comb it through and make it lie flatter on his head.  He rubs his green eyes yawning slightly.  “I’m so hungry.”  He sits down in a chair putting his feet on the table which he knows I hate.  One, because putting your feet on the table is just gross; I mean that’s where you eat, but two because its Ian’s feet.  Take it from me Ian’s feet smell like a mix of wet dog and sewer water.  You wouldn’t want to have Ian’s stinky feet on your table either.

            “Ian…” I try to reason with him, but he completely ignores me interrupting, “Jamie go get my radio.” Ian says waving his hand.  Jamie nods running off to Ian’s room. The radio’s another thing I detest.  The boys always seem fascinated by the device listening to it literally for hours.    With a crumbling world, I’m not too fond to hear about it.  Every time we listened, there only seemed to be more bad news that the boys would fight over for a couple weeks even though there’s nothing we can do.  I mean we’re just kids…it’s not like we can make a difference.  Yet, by the way Jake and Ian talk they seem determined to take some form of action or at least support it.  From what I’ve gathered these couple years, Ian seems to prefer when people take grand action while Jake prefers small accomplishments.  Personally, I just think the world is going to get worse no matter what people do.  I’d rather not hear about its steady decline over dinner.

Chapter 3: A Country Divided

Allison

            Jamie skips over putting the beat up radio on the table.  Ian takes it rather aggressively turning the dials to tune the radio to the right frequency and changes to one of the few news channels.  The radio buzzes for a moment before sound can be heard.

            I sigh spreading chili on a piece of toast giving the first piece to Jamie rubbing his curly head.  Jamie’s eyes light up and he quickly takes a big bite taking just as much interest in the radio as the other boys.  I spread more chili on bread listening to the fairly annoying monotone voice lady over the radio talking about the usual money crises and trade issues.  More boring bad news just like always.  I give Ian and Jake their pieces of chili bread and sit down with my own.

            Jake looks to me, “So how much change did you get back today?”  I take out a single dime handing it to him and he just shakes his head really unpleased.  Ian leans back on his chair feet still on the table eating his chili bread.  He closes his eyes I guess just letting it sink in.  I wrinkle my nose at his feet pushing my chair back a little. 

            The news anchor seems to pause and Ian opens one of his eyes looking at the radio.  Jake sits up in his chair as Jamie leans forward staring down at the radio anxiously.  The woman clears her throat before proceeding, “It seems we have a fairly new story.  Apparently a group of seven previously employed armed police men were caught attempting to rob the government’s national bank. Shots were fired and it’s presumed that three were wounded in the fire fight.   Since this crime, all subjects present have been apprehended and stripped of their police rights and responsibilities.  As of yet, court deems these seven criminals will most likely be given a twelve year sentence with perhaps additional jail time if more information is disclosed.  Investigators are attempting to trace back and recognize the motives of these criminals in order to apprehend any other accomplices.” 

            Ian opens both his eyes taking his feet off the table turning to Jake, “Finally, someone’s doing something helpful.”

            Jake looks confused at Ian shaking his head disagreeing, “No, what they did was stupid Ian.  They basically lost their jobs and families.  They could have protested a bit more civil like.”

            Ian seems displeased that he doesn’t agree.  “I don’t think people have a choice anymore.  Look at where we’re at Jake.  I don’t think we’re getting out of this by talking it out.”

            Jake shakes his head.  “I just think they should have tried is all.”

            Ian’s eyes knit. I try to change the subject, “Look guys, either way doesn’t really matter.  Hey Jamie what did you do with Jake and Ian while I was gone?”

            Jamie bounces up and opens his mouth, but Ian just pushes out his chair with a screeching sound and leaves the room…and this is why I hate the radio.

Chapter 4: Words Don’t Cut It

Ian

                Allison, Jake, Jamie- they just don’t understand.  Words and picket signs are not going to make the government give back American liberties.  The UGCA had made it very clear that they do not care if people complain.  Those seven perpetrators’ robbing the Government’s National Bank had been stupid to get caught, but at least they were making a stand for what they believed in.  Their act of heroism was to show the government that America is not backing down and that if the government steals from the people; then we will steal from the government.  That was more than what people were doing in this hell hole.  Here people just sit around waiting to die.  People on the streets constantly form committees to write letters, but it’s not like the government actually reads them.  The letters in return are clearly electronic and universal stating in big words that things will soon improve- like they can somehow stick a giant band aid on the situation and make it all better.

                The only way people have been able to make small changes is by breaking the law or in some instances by force.  Three months ago a large group of motivated armed protesters stormed Tennessee’s state capitol.  Government officials were secretly meeting there to discuss possible decisions to argue once reaching Washington D.C.; where they would be voted upon to become new law.  Information about the secret meeting was leaked and the people of Nashville, Tennessee became enraged.  I guess the government didn’t realize they’d set up a secret meeting in one of only seven states known for their guns.  Many stormed into the building with rifles, BB guns, pistols, and the occasional shotgun.  That sure got the message across.  Since then, the government deemed that meetings made in secret are illegal and that anyone creating these meetings can and will be stripped of their position.  Their act of violence had gotten the message across.  Why couldn’t Allison, Jake, and Jamie see that? 

 

(Please comment and review my work.  I appreciate it :) )

Reviews

[Tam Warink]

Hello, Allison!

You asked me to read and review this. Thank you for that. It's interesting and here's my take on it:

It begins rather like a political commentary or a thesis paper. If this is for young readers, presumably teenage, it assumes an interest apriori in political concerns that may be somewhat misplaced. Further the plot is set in the year 2036 and that is not so far away for speculative fiction so that's good - it should permit a certain extrapolation based upon current information. It's what you may do with imaginary or alternate possibilities that will determine the nature of this piece.

I wonder if you haven't discussed the impact of environmental issues among your peers and mentors because it's likely that some of what they think and believe will rub off on you as an author and it will show in your work. That can be good or bad depending upon what you're trying to accomplish. Think Ann Rand, George Orwell, Robert Heinlein and others that took on the exposition of contemporary sociopolitical issues and possible futures as elements in their writing.

Some of the conditions posited in the prologue seem to imply a willful neglect of common sense. However, it's up to the reader to make sense of it (or not). As a writer of this type of fiction you are certainly under no compulsion to use logic but if you would abandon it then it might be useful to explain why and in some fashion that is both plausible and probable.

There is also a rather heavy leaning upon definitions of terms, theories and other essential existential elements that a hypothetical reader must, of necessity, already possess in order to engage the story and characters. I struggled with that for a while but finally gave in to the various implied propositions.

On the plus side, I think your character building is very good. I got a firm internal picture of the various characters as well as their immediate surroundings.

A review of the elements of style for writing and punctuating dialog might be useful. That being said I am not criticizing the punctuation - it's a draft, right? Grammar is another matter though. You should always try to put your best foot forward with respect to English grammar unless the character dialog demands it for some reason. Quite often a writer's own personal linguistic jargon and speaking style will bleed through into their characters dialog and while there is nothing inherently wrong with that it certainly doesn't do to leave the reader feeling like it's out of place.

At times, it reads more like a movie script. Some of the action descriptions between the character dialog seem almost written as actions for the actors and camera POV. Are you writing a story or a movie script or a political essay guised as thinly veiled fiction?

I hope you find some of this useful. It was a pleasure to read.

Thank you,

Tam

[Allison Lyndel]

Thank you for your review. I write like a movie often, because of another famous author that writes this way known as James Patterson who writes, "Maximum Ride," in a movie like fashion. Much of my inspiration comes from James Patterson and Rick Riordan (Author of The Lightning Thief). Many of my terms may be hard to understand, but are reviewed consistently throughout the text. Perhaps the use of a glossary in the back of the book would help? If you have any more suggestions please do not hesitate to tell me. Because of the content I couldn't really, "dumb it down." If that makes sense.....If you have a suggestion for how I could or if I should please comment. Again I appreciate your review and only want to make this story the best I can :) This is the first novel story I have ever written successfully.

Thank you,
Allison Lyndel

[Mikael Malmberg]

I feel like this review encompasses much of what I myself wanted to say. Great analyzing, Tam!

[Tam Warink]

Hello, Mikael, thank you for the comment!

[Destiny Glenn]

I actually like it a lot :) I love the idea... keep it up! Cant wait to read more :)

[skyler]

every one else here already gave alot of advice so im just gona say that you need to put it in book format

[Mikael Malmberg]

So, I've left comments on the reviews that I thought you should pay special attention to you. My thoughts, for the most part, reflect theirs: you need to make the setting more believable, because as others pointed out, it's not logical - with the information we possess about this world - why people are forced to use gasoline and rely on mail to communicate with one another. What about electricity? Or hell, solar energy? Perhaps there's some sort of a perpetual dust cloud blocking the sun? But then the Earth would be really cold. Etc, etc, etc...

I also found it hard to believe that a "Green Act" would have much support in the United States. Given the current political situation, anyone savvy with politics would probably find that at least a bit suspect - at least when there's no explanation as to what caused these nefarious Greens to appear. Or, alternatively, if the Act was ever even meant to protect nature.

Grammar, punctuation and style are also somewhat jarring, at least to my eyes. This is the first draft, so some of that can be expected, but as Tam mentioned - you should always try to put your best foot forward with respect to English grammar. Avoid leading the reader (even unintentionally) on a garden path.

On the whole though - I like the chapters. Your characters are solid and there's something good to be said for the way you manage to express them on paper.

Hopefully some of that is useful. Other than that, good luck on your next drafts.

Mikael

[Rudolph Angelus]

I enjoyed reading your story, it was very entertaining and I may read more.

[Allison Lyndel]

Thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I am currently in the process of a re-write to help the story become more believable. Look for it soon and the continuation.

[Lyn Anderson]

In terms of story, the narration is understandable, and the characters and plot make sense. There is a need to tidy up the grammar, and sentences without commas in the proper places are evident throughout the piece. e.g., Jake looks confused at Ian shaking his head disagreeing --
needs to be broken into two short sentences, or be modified --
Jake looks confused, shaking his head at Ian in disagreement --
The bones are good, just need to tidy it up and flesh it out. Anything more than that would be a paid editing job.

[Allison Lyndel]

Thank you for your review and yes commas are my number one enemy LOL :)

[Envy Marr]

Okay. So I love where this story is going. The only thing is that Jamie seems a lot younger then twelve. with trauma is he regressing? cant wait to read more.

[Allison Lyndel]

I originally intended for Jamie to be six years old, but thought I was being unrealistic about his age. I plan on changing it back to six. :) Thank you for your review.

[AUU]

I like it, but I'm not sold on it.

There may be a few possible issues with your world building, or questions you need to ask yourself (or I missed an explanation of what I have issues with).

It sounds like you want to ground this story into being believable, and certain details can help sell that.

1. Energy. Our country seems to be heading into a more energy efficient age, where vehicles in-the-not-so-distant future may not run straight on gasoline. If reducing carbon emissions is still an issue, why isn't alternative fuel still on the table? You set up the Green Act as having nefarious intentions, so maybe its intention was never to "protect the environment?"

2. Transportation. Is the government not investing in more energy efficient vehicles as away to control its people?

3. Oil companies. What does big oil have to say about this? Oil is a rich commodity that keeps many economies afloat. For a government to be so brazen to cut its demand in such extremes would be a huge risk. Possibly a war starting risk. Would the United States take that risk to control its people?

4. Communication. I know some parts of the country are not all equally technologically advanced, and it seems as though this natural disaster of yours may further add to such woes. But what happened to the internet or cellphones or even land-lines? Why would we be relying on mail carries driving around in gasoline chugging vehicles?

5. Inflation. The price of a pound of white bread is roughly .99 TODAY. If a natural disaster happened that displaced millions of people and put half a state, like California, under water, and thus making certain foods an expensive commodity then prices should reflect this. Either tell us how much that cheese costs, or raise the price of bread to $10.00 to illustrate how expensive cheese is.

6. Natural disasters. We've had them before. And we'll see more. Hurricane Katrina happened, and there was no Green Act. Pipe lines have exploded in the Gulf of Mexico and there was no Green Act. Record blizzards have been happening more frequently and there still isn't a Green Act. So perspective is key. I haven't done my research, but I have heard that as global warming continues we're going to see more of these super storms. Is it believable that one big one make us cold turkey oil?

If you can explain this away :D ignore my lunacy. I'll be happy for it. Don't feel the need to argue my points, I'm really just trying to help by fielding you questions you should think about if you haven't already.

[Allison Lyndel]

You bring up some great points that I plan to discuss further in my re-write. I discussed with a friend some possible ideas to make this story better. My world building is a bit off and many of these questions will be reviewed and fixed. I hope you don't mind reviewing a re-write soon, because I'd love your feedback :) Thank you for your suggestions. My story was very surface leveled and I need to dig a bit deeper to make it believable and to my liking. I just needed to know how so THANK YOU :)

[AUU]

You're welcome. And I will!

[Mikael Malmberg]

Also brings up some of the things I thought about, but just in a much more detailed manner.

[AliciaB]

This is a very cool story so far. I like the idea of a post-apocalyptic-esque society where environmental issues are the spark of government takeover. It's a refreshing idea, and it's very interesting to think about. I like your characters as well. Jamie is adorable, and Ian disgusts me simply because of his feet. Ew, ew, ew. You've done a good job of developing the scenario so far. I particularly like the descriptions of the "ghost town" at the beginning of the first chapter - those are excellently done. The line "... and this is why I hate the radio" is also very good. My one suggestion would be to read back through and check your grammar. There are a few places where commas seem to be missing. Other than that, looks good! Keep up the great work!

[Allison Lyndel]

Haha! Thank you! Yes Comma's are my one weakness XD out of many.

[FaeryQueen]

This was an interesting read, very intensely put together, i love the plot and the story line. i love where this is seemingly going towards. i have no comments on the wording, grammar, punctuation or spelling in this piece, however, i would like to applaud you on creating a Hunger Game-ish atmosphere within the whole piece.

[Allison Lyndel]

Thank you for your review. I am currently re-writing this story to make it a bit more believable. I have set it up to have a Gale, Peta, Katniss, and Prim character throughout the text unknowingly at first. I think you will start to see more similarities in the re-write, but they are necessary to make the world believable. I will set up the country so it has places to receive goods (maybe 9 or something...they are in the major cities of the world) which sounds similar to the districts. I will also be adding more detail on many questions asked in the review process. For more information see my response to the avatar of the puzzle bear above.