Girly Ponders of a Mother's Sacrifice

 

Once lived a lovely young girl who could joyfully laugh,
She was happy and free and viewed life from the gaff,
Her giggles of sarcasm, carefree joy and spunky wit,
Suddenly took a sharp turn for the s**t,

The girl abruptly found she was lost and bored,
She felt incredibly numb and much less adored,
So quiet distraught though much more blind,
She unknowingly left the happy life behind,

As time went by she would patiently wait,
She did what she was told but dreamt of the date,
The years went by and dreams went dry,
The tears fell hard but not on the fly,
Over time she built up a wall that was oh so high,
The mightiest of birds couldn't fathom flying that high,

With babes to cherish and a face to keep,
She buried her feelings and did not weep,
She gave them life and made it sweet,
Yet carried a heavy burden of defeat,

With love so grand and time so small,
Guilt would kill her to tell them all,
“Had she of chosen a different path,
She could've lived the other half,

The half that she killed to stay strong willed,
The half that shined and that she left behind,
The half that existed when life was sublime,
The half that she will dream of, till the end of time…”

Because, had she of chosen that other life,
Could she still call herself a good mother or a good wife?
Would she really be all that she dreamt to be?
Or would she be sitting there now dreaming of me?

 

 

 

Reviews

[Lorraine]

The ending phrase sort of confused me. It was amazing and surprising the way you kept the identity of the persona speaking in the poem a secret until the very last word. Maybe it's just me, but I find it really, really cunning. I love the sentiments too. I think they're very true.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Teddi Ferrante]

Wow, trying to put a timeline to this poem. Don't know If it's good idea or not. It's a great poem, and I have to admit I've felt and thought the same exact things. I think everyone does in one way or another. It's the "what if" that will get you if you let yourself entertain all the scenarios that come with it. It's tit for tat. You can have that, but you have to do without this. Usually, this is the thing that I couldn't live without. Like.. can you remember life without your kids? I can, but not as well as with you both. Things happen for a reason, I can never figure them out, but it's not my place. Hope I never let you down too bad. Everyone let's someone down at some point, but being your mom of course I would hate to ever hear I left you feeling lost. You're awesome!

[Mark]

I don't know how you fell off my radar, lady; I had favorited "Flutterby..." YEARS ago! I was just floored by your last line: "Or would she be sitting there, dreaming of ME?" That is Man (and Woman-)kind's biggest stumblingblock: seeing the blessings of the Here-n-Now, rather than imagining a future which might have been better (but in all likelihood, would have been the same or worse, as, wherever you go, THERE YOU ARE!)
This shows remarkable insight. I hope you PERsist in your efforts to be the very best You that you can be, and DEsist from trying to imagine yourself a better (or Happier, or Richer) somebody else!

[perfectlymetiKulous]

Wow... as a mother (not a wife), totally can relate to this poem. I was very moved by the words. You gave voice to a lot of feelings that women don't address/don't handle, but I think we all consider. Beautifully written with an astounding clarity.

[Platypus]

I think you are describing the emptiness mothers often feel. Like they have given up their own identity and dreams to give all they can to their children and spouse...family. My ultra-short "Everything She Wants" is about this exact same topic so I understand where your heart was when you wrote this. I think you need to tighten up the meter a bit - what format are you using? Sonnet? Ballad? Or is it free-form? I think you might think of setting this to music and making it a ballad. That's my 2 cents. :) Lovely emotion in this poem. Keep at it - you have talent, don't give up on it.

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

I love how you can write contemporary, yet your words are very slick and in the now. I wish to have heard more vivid details as to why the subject is the way she is. I feel like I'm outside looking into dirty windows trying to understand precisely why, but I really like the premise and the set-up. Maybe I'm just too personal, but I did enjoy the write!

[Aekmy]

Ah, You know this poses a good point. My mother doesn't complain a bit about not having good clothes and things as such. Should mothers really have to give away all that hey used to love? no, I don't believe so.
Nice write.
Thank you. :]