Drown

A Story by Allison Price

What if water fell in love?

Drown

Insignificance is something that we all deal with at some point in our lives. Without warning it sets in our veins and slowly makes its way to the heart, where in one sudden instant, it takes over our whole being and motivates us to do drastic things in order to find meaning.

When we start our lives, we are all small. We look up at the world, feeling new, fresh, and innocent. Nothing seems familiar, yet we find ourselves acquainted with everything.

My beginning was small, just like everyone else. One moment I was a thought, and then I was dropped, from the sky, into existence. With great care and tenderness, my creator cared for me and brought me up. The heat of the world often threatened my existence along with the follies of man. Each day was a fight for survival, just as life typically is.

In the later stages of the beginning of my life, I did a lot of traveling. Drifting from place to place, seeing new things, carving new path ways, and discovering secrets of the world. I was able to see all types of wonders. From being covered in flowers of celebration, to running red with hate and fear, I lived. As the world went through hard times, so did I, but I was also allowed to celebrate with them when moments of joy took place.

I really have no set home with how much I travel, so for the longest time I just considered the globe as my home. It’s a much better mind set than choosing to feel alone. Of course that positive attitude only lasted a few years, I think the ability to keep up that thinking came with the naivety of my youth; however, as I grew older that way of thinking began to wear thin. As I moved around I would see families, lovers, children, rebellions, obedience, but most of all I witnessed relationships. At first I looked at them and smiled, not feeling a want or need for a connection like that, but yearning for more than obtaining nothing began to corrode away at my heart. Never was I able to experience those things which I saw bloom before me. I only watched from a distance. Of course there were those people who would look at me with favorable eyes and with them I would share brief minutes of connection. Then there were those who feared me above all other things in life and would retreat from my presence at the first sight of my existence. Those people would hurt my feelings when I was newer and did not understand that in life someone always feared something. Once I learned and accepted that I was to be an object of fear for some people whether I wanted to or not, I was able to build small walls around my feelings and protect them.

It was until I was of a significant age, did I start to want something more out of my life. The feeling of insignificance hit my like a wall which I was unable to move around or through. So strong was this feeling that it began to consume my mind and it presented itself in everything I saw, everything I heard. Finally, in hopes of dulling the pain, I settled down. I picked one spot and decided to call it home.

This helped for a while. I was constantly surrounded by people of all different kinds almost year round until the weather turned cold and everyone retreated back into their homes. When the people were out I felt like I belonged, like there was someone who cared for me and wished to pay me a visit. Even if it was just one person, it was better than no one at all.

When the time came for everyone to bury themselves, I did feel sad, but was also glad for the brief period of solitude. Finally I had felt like I had found a good place and had beaten the feeling that poisoned my mind.

Unfortunately I was wrong. Another period of years passed and I watched people come and go, none of them ever staying for good. That’s when the feeling crept its way back into my body. I would look at all the people and see them just looking straight through me. No one acknowledging my existence, seeing me for more than what I appeared to be. They all would just come and go. Getting my hopes up, using me for their pleasure, then leaving me alone and robbed of companionship. Each smiling face was not directed towards me, but someone else, someone who contained life that was worth more than mine. I felt clear, see through, transparent. The place that I called home started lacking value and meaning. It became this massive hole which I was stuck in. There was only one way out, but that was a narrow path which would lead me to more years of drifting loneliness, so I stayed. Stayed and soaked in my infinite insignificance.

More years passed and I had grown bitter. Bitter and murky. Less people stopped by to see me and I resented them for it, despite it being my own doing. One day, when I had decided to become so revolting that I’d have to be drained from existence, my life was changed. I received a visitor.

She greeted me with such enthusiasm; you would have thought we’d been old friends long parted from each other’s company. At first I didn’t know how to react to such an odd greeting from a stranger, so I remained cold, yet I did not notice her shiver or turn away. Ever more, she remained friendly and happy to see me. Reluctantly I embraced her and we spent a few ours in each other’s company till she was pulled away from me. I fully expected to never see her again, nor did I mind; however, she turned up the very next day with the same joy upon seeing me.

These visits happened a few days a week and I began to look forward to each and every one of them. Her vibrancy was infectious and I soon warmed up and cleared. The way she would dive into my presence and give me every bit of her attention gave me all the meaning I would ever need to exist. I never wanted her to leave, yet every day, like clockwork, she was dragged away by some other man in a suit.

When things got warm, she came every day. She would talk to me for hours. All of her secrets, her fears, her dreams, were in my safe keeping and it was only a matter of time before I grew quite fond of her. You may actually say that I loved her. Every time I was able to hold her was the happiest days of our lives. I know it was for her, for she told me herself. She told me how much she loved being with me and how she never wished to leave. Never had I felt a love like that. My whole life had been lived without connecting with anyone and now, I had found the one whom I knew I was meant to be with. I just couldn’t understand why she would allow the other man to pull her away from me. Whenever he appeared she would beg for a few more hours as would I, but he insisted upon her departure and she would go.

My feelings for her only grew stronger and I was sure hers were the same way. Each and every day we spent together just felt… right.

One day she came to visit me, but something was different. It was the last day of warmth and she had arrived with the man who pulls her away. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed that she brought him along. He was the most unwanted visitor I’ve ever had.

He greeted me first, with much reluctance. Then she came to me and I held her once again, but then I noticed something different as we visited with one another. On her left hand there was a ring. She had branded herself to a man who pulls her away from whom she truly loves.

I couldn’t suppress my rage, in what I thought he forced her to do. My feelings of hate clouded my mind and impaired my judgment. In one strong movement I swept her as far away from that man as I possibly could. I knew she loved me more and I couldn’t allow herself to be enslaved to that monster. Of course he tried to go after her, but I overpowered him and pushed him back. No matter how close he thought he was getting, or how hard he tried to reach her, I would simply push him back as I carried her off.

I didn’t understand why she fought so hard to get back to him. It must have been because she was afraid of what he’d do her if she didn’t at least try to return to him. She tried to fight me, but it was of no use. I knew what was right for her. She was meant to be with me and deep down in her heart she must have known that too. She just couldn’t accept it. It was I who could provide a happier existence for her. I could drown her senses in tranquility and give her a life she never could have with anyone else. Never once had I heard her confess her love to that other man, yet on a daily basis she would tell me how much she loved me. All because she couldn’t say it in front of that man did not mean she no longer felt that love for me.

The man was screaming for her and I finally grabbed him and through him onto the floor. He stopped fighting after that.

At last it was just her and I. She thrashed and struggled against me. She just had so many emotions that she didn’t know what to do with them I guess, so anger and fear came out first. After I had thrown the man she screamed for him, for anyone, but no one came. I don’t understand why she was calling out, maybe it was just to have a witness to her proclamation of her feelings for me.

To keep her safe from all others I carried her as far out as I could. She couldn’t be taken away from me anymore. Not out here. I kept trying to hold onto her, but she resisted me. I just wanted to let her know it was all going to be ok, but she struggled against me for some time until finally her body calmed. She relaxed, let out the most beautiful sigh, and allowed herself to sink back into my loving embrace and drown in my presence. I wrapped her in my liquid arms where I held her and we sank in each other until the very day I evaporate.
I had found meaning. I never needed a visitor again.