Blood Lust~Full Story

A Twilight fanstory~ There are many illnesses that require blood transfusions to survive. It is perhaps the closest we humans come to a vampire existence. But in this case Bella may have the key to turn that survival into an instinct.

I�d had enough reasons to think about how I would die in the past three years since I had moved to Forks. I had survived James� brutal beating, jumping off a cliff and countless death threats from vengeful vampires to the Volturi. But I would never have imagined it like this.

This was a very human way to die. Perhaps the most human way to die. The hunter was inside of me. Stalking me and destroying me from the inside out.

Edward couldn�t protect me from this and I think that was killing him even more then me. It wasn�t supposed to be this way. He was supposed to be able to protect me from anything. He was strong and powerful, a God forever seventeen. I had watched him destroy the most powerful enemies with one, swift movement. He had done everything in his power to protect me from any threat imaginable. But not from this.

I�d spent the past 3 months living as he does-off of the blood of other humans. Humans like me. His blood lust was eternal, but mine could only go on for so long. Our marriage plans had been interrupted- they may never come to be- but I had come as close as I ever would to being like him. Needing like him. Unable to survive without the sustenance that my human body no longer could sufficiently produce. Edward�s blood lust made him strong, but mine was making me waste away. I wondered if he would choose the only option left for me, or if this human body of mine would forever be in need. A need only a vampire existence could provide.


It started without warning. Well, there may have been a warning if I already weren�t prone to fainting spells, and wasn�t such a klutz that random bruising wasn�t a concern for me. But within the period of a week even I started to notice that there was something happening to me. And that�s when I went to Carlisle.
I�d been feeling tired that week, but only thought it had been because of all that had been going on the past month. My emotions had been pretty frazzled lately over Edward�s proposal, the fight between Victoria�s army and the Cullens, and ultimately losing Jacob. It shouldn�t have seemed strange that I wanted to sleep more often and not even spend that much time with Edward.
He had taken me out to a restaurant (a fancy one in Port Angeles as usual), and I was shocked to have found myself falling asleep on his shoulder as we later sat together admiring the view of the harbor. He wasn�t bothered by it because when I forced myself awake I was in his arms and he had covered my bare shoulder with his sweater against the chilly wind. But I was embarrassed to have ruined our first special time together after all the turmoil we�d endured lately.
I went to Carlisle the next day. I didn�t initially think I wanted to see him as a doctor to a patient- it was Alice who told me to do that. I guess she knew.
She took one look at me when I returned to the Cullens after my night out with Edward was cut short by my sudden tiredness, and ran to my side. Her eyes were creased with concern and she shakily brushed a piece of hair from over my eyes.

�Bella, you look tired lately. Have you not been getting enough sleep?� She didn�t sound convinced by her own question, and I felt my stomach clench at her pained expression.

�Actually, we�re home early because she couldn�t stay awake even for me.� Edward turned to me with his beautiful, crooked smile. I felt myself blush and smiled back at him.

�Maybe you should talk to Carlisle. You could be�anemic.� Alice added her eyes still full of concern. She had barely been able to say the word �anemic�- her voice broke.

Edward put his arm around me. �Have you not been feeling well lately, Bella?� he asked, also seeming concerned now. I backed away.

�I�m fine. Don�t worry.� I suddenly resented being a fragile human and having everyone worry about my health. When I became a vampire I�d be strong and never be tired again. The time was drawing close now.

�You need to take care of your health, Bells.� Alice continued. �After all you�ve got a free doctor right here whenever you need him.� She smiled, seeming cheerier now.

I sighed. �Alright, I�ll talk to Carlisle tomorrow.�

�I�ll let him know you�re coming.� Alice said still seeming worried.

Edward watched her, carefully monitoring his sister�s expressions for signs of effects from visions. I didn�t even want to know.

�Well, I guess I should take you home and get you to bed then, Bella.� He said after a minute, looking back over at me with eyes of gentle topaz.

I didn�t really want to go home. I was angry with myself for feeling this weak and fragile. I wanted to stay there with him. But I knew if Edward took me home and I got the sleep I so desperately needed he would be right by my side when I woke up again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carlisle saw me in his office the next day. I dreaded being in a formal doctor�s office with all the instruments, the antiseptic smells and especially the needles. But Alice insisted that I see him there and not at the Cullen home. I wasn�t going to disobey her, not with how stubborn she was being. I had Edward with me, so at least I had something else to concentrate on other then the dizzying smells and sights of the doctor�s office.

�So, Bella, Alice says you haven�t been feeling well lately.� Carlisle said, gently easing himself into a chair beside me.

�I�m just feeling tired. She�s overreacting.� I mumbled.

Carlisle frowned, and looked me over. I hoped he didn�t notice the bruise-like shadows under my eyes that I had noticed when I looked at my paler then usual reflection in the mirror that day. I was starting to look like one of them, but instead of it making me God-like like Edward, or inhumanly beautiful like Rosalie, it just made me look sick and tired.
�She�s not overreacting, Bella. She�s just worried about you.� Edward said, gripping my hand. I looked over at him and smiled, feeling reassured just by his presence.

Carlisle started to examine me by gently feeling under my neck with his cool hands. They felt good on my skin that felt hot and clammy that day. He said nothing except asking me general questions about my health, and to move in a certain direction so he could continue the examination. His eyes gave me nothing to try to guess what he was thinking.
When he finished he leaned back in his chair and my heart did a flip-flop as his eyes met mine.

�I realize you�ve never been comfortable with doing this, but I think we�re going to need to take some blood from you, Bella.�

My first thought when he said this was how strange to hear something like that coming from the lips of someone I knew was a vampire. Vegetarian or not. But then it hit me. Needles. I was going to have to have a needle!

�Don�t worry, Bella. I�ll be with you.� Edward said suddenly pulling me from my thoughts.

�No you won�t!� I said a little louder then I wanted to. �You can�t sit there and watch someone take blood from me. You�ll go crazy.�

Carlisle looked over at Edward seeming to agree.

�Besides, I�m not a baby. A tiny needle isn�t going to hurt me. I can do this.�

And I did do it. I didn�t faint, and I didn�t throw up- at least not before I could get to a bathroom. Edward took me home and told me he was proud of me for being so brave. I felt like a three year-old until he carefully took my face in his hands and pressed his cool lips against mine. My heart thudded against my ribs and echoed in my ears. I concentrated on breathing as I kissed him back, my skin burning against his.

�Being in that office with you made me remember how fragile humans are. I�ve seen you get injured and be in the emergency room often enough, but I�ve never considered you becoming sick. Please take care of yourself dear Bella.� He breathed as he pulled away.

�I will.� I answered my head spinning.

When I got a call from Carlisle�s doctor�s office 3 days later though, I knew it was bad. They wanted me to come in right away. They wanted Charlie to come. I couldn�t stand the fear in his eyes as we drove up to the health center I had gone to only days before.

�Why didn�t you tell me you weren�t feeling well?� Charlie asked in his car, his voice unsteady. I noticed the speedometer inching over the speed limit.

�I didn�t think it was anything. I just went to see Dr. Cullen because I�d been tired a lot.� I said, doing my best to keep the fear from my own voice. I didn�t want to scare him, or know just how much I was scared too.

What could possibly be wrong with me? I didn�t feel all that sick. I wasn�t in any pain. I was just tired. And then I remembered Alice. She had been so worried about me. She had wanted me to see a doctor. She knew. But what didn�t she tell me? Why didn�t she tell me?
~~~~~~~~~~

�Thank you for coming Chief Swan, Bella.� Carlisle shook hands with Charlie and I as he let us into his office. His face was a mask. I wished I could hear his thoughts like Edward could.

Edward� I wished I had him there to comfort me.
�Please have a seat.� Carlisle said, directing us to two office chairs by his desk. We were in a different room then the examine room I had been in the other day. This was a large, square office with shelves of books, a mahogany desk, and framed medical degrees hanging on the wall. I wondered for a second if there might be one from the early 1900s. It was a crazy thought, but I guess I just wanted to keep my mind off of what was happening.

�Dr. Cullen, what is this about?� Charlie got right to the point.

Carlisle cleared his throat. �I called you down today because we found an abnormality in your blood test, Bella.� He said looking right at me.

�What do you mean an abnormality?� Charlie asked.

�Well, Bella�s white and red blood cells along with her platelets levels are very low.� Carlisle replied speaking to Charlie now.

�What does that mean?� I asked, feeling the emptiness in the pit of my stomach.

�To be honest, I thought it was leukemia at first�� Carlisle started, but Charlie interrupted.

�Leukemia?!� he shouted, standing up in his chair. I would have seen the fear in his eyes, or how he looked ready to throttle Carlisle if I hadn�t been lost in a fog.

Leukemia� cancer. He thought I had cancer? I couldn�t have cancer.

�No, Chief Swan, its not. Please sit down.� Carlisle said, hastily.

�Dad�� I found myself saying not even turning to Charlie. I just wanted him to sit down. But I had called him dad. I never did that. I felt like I was stuck inside a fog. My thoughts, my body, my heart.

�I don�t think its leukemia. I think its something called aplastic anemia.� Carlisle said putting his hands together on the desk.

�What�s aplastic anemia?� I heard myself ask from somewhere far away.

�It�s a rare disease of the blood and bone marrow. The bone marrow stops working properly and stops producing enough new blood cells. You�re going to have to go to the hospital to have a bone marrow biopsy done and-� Carlisle was suddenly cut off.

�So its not leukemia. It�s not cancer.� Charlie was saying, his breathing, laboured.

�No, its not.�
I was suddenly pulled into a hug. I felt Charlie�s arms around me and I remembered to breathe.

�Thank God, Bells, thank God.� He kept repeating.

�Bella, Chief Swan, please listen to me. This is a very serious disease even if it isn�t cancer. Bella will need weekly blood transfusions or a bone marrow transplant. Depending on the severity of the disease without treatment right away..� he stopped, and I came out of the fog long enough to hear him say it.

�Bella will die.�
~~~~~~~~~~~

Edward POV

�Why didn�t you tell me?!� I roared, my anger flaring inside me.

�Because there was nothing we could do about it!� My �sister�, Alice shot back. She had known. She had known this thing would happen to Bella. That this monster of a disease inside her blood- in my Bella�s blood- would attack her.

�You know my visions aren�t set in stone. I didn�t even understand what I was seeing. I just knew I had to get her to see a doctor.� Alice�s pixy voice broke. �Please, Edward, it�s hard for me too.� If a vampire could cry I think Alice would have done so right there.

I remembered when she had told me. She hadn�t called or contacted me that day at all. It was Alice who told me she was in the hospital. She didn�t tell me why. She pretended she didn�t know.

I rushed to be with her. Knowing her fear of that place- her irrational fear of needles and blood. Carlisle must had found something wrong with her. I couldn�t imagine what. Bella was young and strong. Beautiful as her name described. My ivory skinned human girl.

It wasn�t that hard to find her. I�d been to that hospital often enough with her. The hospital receptionist I talked to was only too happy to help me. My inhuman, never-aging looks never let me down in situations like this.

The first thing I noticed was her smell had changed. Her floral scent was gone. She smelled like any other human now. She had only smelled like this once, when she had been beaten by James and she had needed a blood transfusion. Something inside of me clenched at those memories. If my heart had been beating, I suppose it would have been that.

She lay in the bed looking small and fragile. She slept with Charlie sitting at her side, a crimson IV bag running into her veins. The blood didn�t bother me. I couldn�t think about anything but Bella and how much she meant to me. The idea that she could be ill was unintelligible to me.

Charlie looked up at me. He hadn�t noticed me come into the room. I was shocked at how much he seemed to have aged from the last time I saw him. His eyes were tortured, his hair in disarray and I noticed white strands for the first time.

�Hello, Edward.� He said his tone steady. He stiffly got to his feet. I guessed he didn�t want to deal with me now, but he wasn�t going to keep me from seeing her.

�I�m going to get something to eat.� He muttered. �Just be gone by the time I get back.� And I watched, speechlessly as he left the room.

I sat in the chair by her bedside and reached for her hand. I cherished the warmth of it, the warm blood pulsing beneath her skin, her heart beating a steady rhythm. I started to hum her lullaby for her. It was soft at first, but I made my voice louder because I desperately wanted her to open her eyes and tell me what was going on.

She moaned once and I wondered if she was in any pain.

�Dear Bella�be well.�

�Edward�� She suddenly stirred and her eyelids fluttered open. �You came�� she whispered. Her voice was weak and thick.

�Of course I did. I would never leave you here alone.� I told her and she reached up to touch my face with her warm hand but suddenly she cried out.

�Bella!� I shouted as I heard her cry of pain. I gripped her other hand but she went rigid and pulled away.

�No, don�t touch me!� she cried, tears in her eyes.

I pulled away quickly, my vampire quickness not seeming to be enough for her. I was horrified that I might have hurt her. That somehow touching my face had caused her this great pain.

�I-I�m sorry Edward.� She stammered, squirming in the bed just as she had when James had hurt her. �I had a medical test awhile ago that really hurt me. It was such a large needle�.there�s been so many needles�..it�s all happened so fast�� she was crying now and it killed me that I couldn�t hold her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her until the pain went away. But instead I put my hand on her forehead and brushed my fingers through her thick, dark hair.

�What is it, Bella? What�s wrong?� I asked.

�I�m sick, Edward. There�s something wrong with the way my blood works. I don�t even understand it all yet, but it�s serious. My body isn�t producing enough blood cells for me. They�re treating me with blood transfusions. I think this is my 3rd one today.� The words flowed out of her in a waterfall. I couldn�t seem to process it. Something wrong with her blood? What could possibly be wrong with her blood? I knew more then anyone that her blood was perfect. So perfect, I couldn�t touch it.

�Edward�� she said and I realized I hadn�t said anything to her. I was still lost in my own thoughts. �Maybe now you won�t have to change me.� She said very softly and she caught my attention again.

�What?� I asked, unsure of what she meant.

�I�m going to be living off of blood transfusions for the rest of my life now. I�ll be living off of other people�s blood.� She paused and looked into my eyes.

�I�ll be like a vampire.�
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Bella POV

I wasn�t kidding when I said that I�d be living off the blood of other people. I had to have a blood transfusion every week and that wasn�t even counting the numerous emergency ones I needed just from being the klutz I was. But other then that, for the first month things weren�t so bad. I could even return to school after that first week in the hospital had brought my blood count levels back up.

I learned I had severe aplastic anemia- which was bad, but not as bad as very severe. I had to be careful of infections, not be around crowds so much, and yes, a tiny paper cut would send me to the emergency room.

Edward treated me like glass--- but hadn�t he always?--- but I knew I never had to worry around him. After all, he couldn�t give me an infection at all could he?

The kids at school hadn�t even heard of my illness. If they had they just thought of it as anemia, and I let them. It was better not to feel like the freak with the disease. I had enough reason for the school to ostracize me already.

Renee came up from Florida to be with me. She wanted to drop everything and move here but I wouldn�t have it. It wasn�t that bad. If I needed her I�d call.

Edward dragged me to the prom again. But this time, although I made a fuss visibly to him and Alice as she made me up like a Barbie doll- secretly, inside, I felt good. I enjoyed Alice�s exuberance and enthusiasm; I was flattered by Edward�s chivalry and how much he wanted me to experience a beautiful time at our school�s last dance. After that we would graduate, and that summer we would get married. My heart always skipped a beat at that thought. Because after that I�d feel his icy breath upon my neck, his hands would caress my body, and I would become one with him. In more ways then one. I would be the same as him. I wouldn�t be fragile anymore. And I�d be cured. Even Edward couldn�t deny that if he changed me now I would get better. I wouldn�t be sick anymore. And I knew that�s what he wanted for me.

I danced as best I could, and when I couldn�t I just held onto him late into the night. I didn�t think about Jacob, or my fear about telling Charlie about the marriage- I had been a little preoccupied lately- or that I was sick and would have to spend a long day in the hospital hooked up to an IV the next day. I just cherished being with him, and never wanted our time together to end.

I always remembered that night, it was possibly one of the last fun times I had. Because after that, things became much, much worse.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The illness caught up to me. The �severe� part took over.
I started to get massive nosebleeds that wouldn�t stop. They usually made me pass out and freak everyone out around me. But worst of all, it happened at the Cullens one night.
I was over at their house celebrating our graduation when it happened. The bleeding started so fast and so suddenly I didn�t even realize it until I was swooped up into strong arms and whisked away by Carlisle- the only one of them who wouldn�t have killed me as my blood poured without reason. It was like my 18th birthday disaster, but this time it wasn�t because I was a klutz and randomly hurt myself, this time it was truly my fault and I couldn�t control it.
It was after that I made the heartbreaking decision not to come over there anymore, and not to see any of them alone- even Edward. I banned myself from the Cullens, from my Edward, for my protection I said. But it was really for theirs. I didn�t want to torture them like this. I couldn�t put them through this. I wasn�t just weaker than them as a human now. I was weak. I didn�t belong.
Sometimes Alice came to my house, (when I was sure Charlie would be around) and we talked about the wedding. It was already July and I hadn�t really planned anything. I felt myself getting weaker each day, and I needed more and more blood transfusions. The other treatments the doctors gave me were also starting to take their toll on me and I felt sick and depressed.
Alice asked me if I wanted to postpone the wedding and I burst into tears. She held me for a long time, and my ailing body didn�t betray me as I lay in the arms of a vampire.
�I can do it now, Bella.� I heard her say, softly. �I can take away your pain�� Her voice shook and I knew what she was offering me. She was offering me new life. The very thing I�d been waiting for over the past 2 years.
�Edward will understand.� She continued and I knew I couldn�t do it. It had to be Edward. It couldn�t be anyone else. I wanted to feel his breath on my neck, his lips and teeth sink inside me. I wanted to do this because I loved him and wanted to be with him- I didn�t want to use it as my last resort in life- I didn�t want to give up.
Alice sat back and sighed deeply. �What if I told you that you were going to die?� she asked, distantly.
I looked up at her, my heart pounding in my ears. I knew she wasn�t bluffing. She wouldn�t lie to me, she could see the future. But I knew she also had her limits.
�Then,� I started to say, my voice catching. �I�d stop it from happening.�
~~~~~~~~~~

Eventually, it didn�t matter anymore that I�d banned myself from the Cullens. I wasn�t free anymore.
I went in and out of the hospital. I got sick all the time. Blistering high fevers, coughs that wracked my body and made it impossible to breathe, and painful sores that made me cry out in the night.
The doctors said my blood counts were dangerously low and I couldn�t fight off any sort of infection. They put me in an isolated room where no one could visit me unless they put on special clothing and a mask. But they couldn�t stop Edward. He slipped past all the doctors and nurses with his vamp quickness and entered my darkened, isolated room. He held me in the bed for mere minutes at a time before a nurse came to check on me. But he was always there. His icy body felt good next to my fevered skin. I didn�t hurt as much when he was there. I felt like he was giving me some of his strength. Sharing with me his immortal being.
�Bella, do you know what today is?� he asked me, his velvet voice too soft for anyone but me to hear.
I shook my head.
�It�s the first of August. The summer is ending, my love.� His words stung me. August was here. We were supposed to get married on the 13th, but I hadn�t even talked to Charlie about it. My world had spiraled out of control that summer and now it was too late. The sobs wracked my weakened body as I cried next to him.
�I�m so sorry.� I cried over and over into his warm arms.
�There will be other times. You just need to concentrate on getting well again.� He said, gently, running his hands through my hair.
�I wanted it before my birthday�� I whispered after finding my voice. �I didn�t want to turn nineteen.� I felt the tears coming again, but I held them back.
�I don�t want to die.� I said the words who�s meaning were so different for me only a few months ago. I didn�t want a human death. I didn�t want to grow old and die while he remained. But as I lay in that hospital bed Alice�s words came back to me, �You�re going to die.� And I realized that a human death could be anytime, anywhere- not just from old age- and I was facing it at that very moment.
�You�ll keep your promise to me won�t you?� I suddenly found myself begging him from the bottom of my heart. �If I get married to you you�ll be with me forever, right? You�ll make me the same as you?� I cried, so I was scared someone might hear me. But I had to know. I had to know I wasn�t going through all this for nothing. That I had refused Alice back when there was less pain for a reason.
�Bella�� he sounded hesitant and shifted his body beside me.
�Please, Edward.� I begged. �Please.� And I felt his cool hands brush my hair back from my hot, clammy forehead.
�Alright, I promise.� He said almost too soft for me to hear. �I promise you Bella, that we will be together forever and I will be the one to change you.� He didn�t sound hesitant anymore. He was determined, ready to make this sacrifice for me. Ready to let me into his world.
I felt the air rush back into my lungs and realized I had forgotten to breathe again.
�When you get better we�ll talk to Charlie together and we�ll make this happen. You and me.�
My eyelids felt heavy then and I let them droop as I smiled at him.
�I love you, Bella.� I heard him say from far away. Sleep was taking me, and I wasn�t strong enough to fight it.
�Please get well soon.� His voice was a distant sound in my brain, but I pulled myself back to say,
�I love you too.�
~~~~

When I awoke the next day I felt awful. My head pounded and my body ached. I knew my fever had returned because my body burned, but I was also shivering in my bones too. When the nurse took my temperature I wasn�t surprised it was high. But she seemed more concerned than usual, and she ran to get a doctor.
I felt weak and tired, and lay back on my pillow waiting for Charlie�s daily visit before work. I didn�t want to talk to my doctor, (I had a specialist now, it wasn�t Carlisle anymore).
�Isabella, can you hear me?� I heard my hematologist, Dr. Mcphaden�s voice ask through a sudden fog.
Yes, I tried to mutter, but it hurt to talk. Why couldn�t they just leave me alone to sleep? I just wanted to sleep.
I felt cool hands lifting me up and the movement was sickening as I was placed onto another soft surface. I didn�t understand. Why were they moving me? Charlie was supposed to be coming.
�Bella?� I suddenly heard him calling me. His voice drifted through my consciousness. �Bella?!� the voice was more urgent and I struggled to answer him. I was drowning into unconsciousness.
I was moving now. The motion lulled me even more and I struggled against it. Dad, where are they taking me�? I wanted to say but I was being pulled further down under.
�Edward�� I breathed into the nothingness. ��help me��







Edward POV

�You have to change her!� Alice demanded, as we gathered with the rest of my �family� in the living room of our too extravagant house. I looked over to Carlisle, clenching my fists, but he gave me no reason to doubt Alice.
�I can�t do it. I can�t take her soul.� I gritted my teeth together. It helped against the pain I was feeling. The deep, dark never-ending pain of denial.
�She could recover.� I growled, not even able to say her name as I spoke of the monster taking her from me. The thing in her blood that had destroyed her basic defenses and left her body open to invasion from any type of illness. And she was being claimed by one.
My beautiful Bella was being attacked by an infection in her damaged body that couldn�t fight it. She had been in the hospital intensive care unit, completely unresponsive, for two days now. I was watching her life slip away from her and I couldn�t bring myself to do the one thing that could save it. I couldn�t take her soul. It was perhaps, what I loved most about her.
�Edward,� Carlisle spoke up, and I whipped around to face him. �I�ve seen people with this illness. Even with a bone marrow transplant, (which Bella doesn�t have a match for) the survival rate is very low. Most people don�t live past 5 years.�
I wanted to cover my ears, block out all he was saying. How would he know something like that? He wasn�t Alice. But Alice did know, and I wasn�t listening to her either.
�Edward, you have to save her. You love her, right? You don�t want her to die.� Emmet said with his booming voice.
If only none of them knew her, I thought to myself, clenching my jaw. All of them cared about her too, and I couldn�t make any decisions for myself.
�Besides,� suddenly Rosalie, who I did not include in the category of Cullens who liked Bella, said, distantly. �If she dies then she loses everything but her soul. Then it floats up to Heaven, or whatever the humans believe in, and you both lose each other. Better to keep it going I�d say.� She flashed her fierce eyes at me and I winced.
I knew that was the most logical reasoning. I was actually surprised it was Rosalie who had pointed it out. But could I let her soul go free and lose her forever? Or destroy it all together and have her with me for eternity. Make her a monster like me.
�You promised her, Edward.� Alice insisted, angrily.
That was it, I�d had it. I needed to get out of there.
�I wish you�d all just stay out of my head!� I shouted, and then fled from the room.
I couldn�t take their pestering anymore. This was no one else�s decision to make but my own. And I needed some time. Time to think about how I was losing the love of my life, and the only way to save her was to turn her into a monster.
I ran swiftly through the fields, feeling the wind and never-ending rain on my face and body. This was the only thing I was thankful for from this monstrous existence. This speed. This freedom to run wherever I chose. I could run away and never come back. Bella would die her human death and eventually I could forget her.
The thoughts were ludicrous, and I banished them from my head. I could never forget Bella. I could never leave her here to die. I would rather die myself.
I reached the meadow before I realized it. I knew that was where I was headed, but my thoughts had raced along with the rest of me, and here I was.
I sniffed the air, wishing I had her with me, her floral scent to fill my senses. I remembered when I�d first taken her there. How spellbound she was when I stepped into the light. Would she still look at me that way when she was the same? Would I remember her smell, the warmth of her body, the sound of her heart beat? Would I love her without all these things that infatuated me about her?
I crouched to the ground, gazing around at my surroundings. It was raining, the clouds full in the sky. There was no sun to expose me to anyone hiking through. There was no one around anyway. The worst I expected would be one of those dogs, and they had no reason to be here. Especially Jacob. I doubted he even knew Bella was sick. He�d just cowardly run away.
I concentrated on my hatred of the wolves to distract myself from the decision I had weighing over my shoulder. It had weighed on me since the day she had first asked me to do it. She had no idea what she was asking then- what she was giving up. She was blinded by love. But the second time she asked me I knew she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be with me, and she would give up anything to do that. She understood she wouldn�t be able to see Charlie or Renee again. That the transformation would be painful and complete. And perhaps she understood more then anything how much a newborn craved. The type of person she could become.
Back then we had time. We would get married, I�d have time to think about how I could possibly validate my actions of changing this beautiful creature into something monstrous like me, and life would go on. But I was running out of time. Something I didn�t usually have to think about in my own infinite time-span, but hers was ending all too quickly. All too unfairly. She was too young to die this way. If I never changed her she would grow old and may eventually die from an illness, a heart attack. Like all humans do. I might�ve been able to prepare myself for that. To cherish every moment with her for the short time of a human lifeline. But to lose her now, to spend eternity without her after experiencing a time with her love- a cry of anguish ripped through the clearing night sky. I looked up at the clouds and realized it had come from me. I clenched my eyes shut, feeling the darkness of thirst creep into them, and then looked straight ahead, my eyes open wide.
�I will be the one to change you.�

        I slipped into her room like a thief in the night. This part of the hospital was lit and filled with nurses and doctors all the time. It wasn�t as easy for me to get in unnoticed, and it wouldn�t be any easier to accomplish what I had come for.
        I had planned out how I would go through with this. I had Carlisle to watch my back once I made my move. He would distract the personnel.
        I stayed in the shadows as I gazed at her motionless body lying in the bed entangled in tubes and wires. She was so small, so fragile. Her long eyelashes rested against her pale skin- almost as pale as mine now. I wanted to touch her, I wanted to hold her and not let her go, but I couldn�t move from my shadowy hiding place. So I just continued to watch her. Drinking in her human presence.

        I didn�t think Bella would like the conclusion we�d come to for dealing with her family after I changed her. But it was the only way. We couldn�t make it like she had gotten lost in the woods. She was going to have make everyone think that she ran away from the hospital to take her own life. That she had gotten tired of fighting and given up. I couldn�t imagine her actually doing this, or the pain it would cause her family and friends. I didn�t want to do this to her- to Charlie or Renee. But there was nothing else I could do. There wouldn�t even be a body.
        I looked over to the busy, lighted hallway and saw Carlisle rush into the nurse�s station and cause quite a scene. That was my cue.
        I gently, but quickly went to work removing and unhooking the tubes and wires from her body. Once I removed the heart monitor pads the room erupted in alarms. I was prepared for this, and that�s why I made sure to leave this step until the end. I swiftly lifted her thin body into my arms, knowing Carlisle could only continue his distraction for so long. I was surprised at how much lighter Bella felt in my arms, and felt pained by how lifeless she looked, not even responding to my icy, cold touch.
        I held her close to me, her skin fiery against mine. I hoped this was because of our obvious body temperature differences and not the raging fever she�d had the past few days. I thought about how closely this reason to change her resembled my own, although I couldn�t remember it clearly. How ironic it was happening to her. How horrible and unfair this cold life was.
Her deep breathing against my chest brought me back from my thoughts. It was even, as if she were only sleeping, but I still worried about her. I couldn�t even be sure if she would survive without the support from the wires and tubes I had unhooked from her, but I had to get her far away from there. I had to get her someplace where no one would find us. I couldn�t very well do this out in the open. And they would look for her. It wouldn�t be long before they came to find her room empty.
With these thoughts racing through my head, I gripped her tight to me, and flung myself out the window where I wasted no time running off into the night.

Bella POV

The first thing I was aware of was the movement. The familiar all too fast movement. I thought I was dreaming. Remembering the flight-like race through the forest, holding onto his stone cold back for dear life. I could feel that hard coldness. I felt it all around me. It was as if I were in his arms again. He was holding me as I drifted his cold skin a blessing to my fevered body.
I remembered the fear than. My last thoughts as I was taken away by the doctors. Charlie had been screaming my name, and so had someone else. Had Renee been there?
I wondered if I were dead. Had the disease taken me? I could feel the icy touch of my guardian angel. Had he followed me too? Why didn�t he ever keep his promises to me? I didn�t want him to die just because I had. I had told him that. He was so stubborn.
I felt my lips curl into a smile at that thought, and then the darkness subsided and he was there.
�Edward?� I managed to speak, my voice hoarse and cracked.
The movement had stopped now. I could see that he stood holding me deep in a forest, the moon the only form of light.
�Bella?!� he sounded surprised and I wanted to reach up to him, but I felt too weak. Instead, he pulled me closer to him, his coolness enveloping me.
�I�m so glad you�re awake.� He breathed. �I didn�t want to do this without you knowing.�
I tried to move the muscles in my face to show him that I was confused, but I couldn�t even manage that, so I hoped he could see it in my eyes.
�Do what?� I asked.
He smiled, his eyes sparkling with emotion and I reveled in it.
�Shh, Bella. Just for now.� He put his cold fingers to my lips. �Are you alright? Are you cold at all?�
I shook my head, continuing to gaze into his butterscotch eyes. I wasn�t cold at all. I was warm just by being with him. It didn�t matter that his blood ran cold making his body as cold as ice. I was warm just by his presence. My heart beat faster and pumped more warm blood through my body to compensate.
That�s when I remembered again. I was sick. I was supposed to be in the hospital. But instead I was outside, surrounded by trees and in the arms of my angel. It didn�t make sense.
�Edward,� I struggled to talk, my mouth felt like it was full of mothballs. �Why are we here?� I managed in one breath.
�I busted you out.� He gave me his crooked smile, but it didn�t reach his eyes.
I started to feel a little panicked. I could die outside. That�s why I�d been kept in a bubble for the past few weeks. What was Edward doing? Didn�t he want to protect me? I loved being with him. I loved the feel of the fresh air in my lungs again, but I wasn�t ready to die yet. I still had so much to look forward to.
Edward sensed my distress, and gripped me tighter.
�There�s been a change of plans, my love.� He said his voice thick with emotion.
I immediately understood what he meant, and my heart started pounding against my chest and echoed in my ears.
�Are you scared, Bella?� His voice was so distressed I couldn�t bare it. I had to help him. I had to make this easier for him.
�No�� I whispered. ��just�excited.�
He frowned, and his eyes were full of grief.
�Did Alice tell you�� I paused, finding it hard to say. He stopped me before I had to.
�Yes, love.�
My heart grieved for him, for everyone I�d ever known. I had never thought it would happen this way. I thought I could disappear and eventually come back when I had gained control. Now I could never see my family again. I would be dead to them.
�I didn�t want to do this to you, Bella. You understand now just how much I never wanted to change you. But I don�t want to lose you either. I can�t just watch you die.� His voice broke, and I felt the tears in my own eyes. I cried for him because he could not.
�I don�t want to die from this illness, either.� I whimpered, cuddling myself against him like a child.
�I won�t let you.� He promised, and then he leaned over and his icy lips met mine.
I gathered the last of my strength to reach up and hold him around his strong neck, kissing him without wanting to stop. The tears streamed down my face as I held onto him with all I had.
Edward�Oh Edward� My thoughts ran rampant with his name and only his name.
There was nothing forceful about this kiss- my last human kiss- it was gentle and soft. It was a goodbye to my former life. It was his goodbye to my warm body, the pounding of my heart, the softness of my skin. My mortal presence in this world.
We parted and I breathed again, remembering how hard it had been to do so lately. Because I was sick. Because I was dying.
�Are you ready, my love?� Edward�s voice trembled. Was his fear as great as my own? I nodded, swallowing hard.
�Such a bad liar.� His crooked smile returned and I did my best to smile too. But I had used up all my strength. I could feel myself slipping. I needed it done soon.
�You realize you won�t be able to see Charlie or Renee again. They will think that you died here.� He had calmed his voice down for my benefit. It was sturdy and serious.
�I know.� I tried to sound like him, but my voice cracked with my sorrow.
I�m so sorry Charlie� Renee� Jacob�
�It will hurt, Bella.� This time he didn�t disguise the emotion in his velvet voice which was full of anguish.
I quickly nodded, gritting my teeth. �I know. I�m ready.�
He sighed, deeply.
�All right.� I felt his arms grip me tighter.
�I love you my beautiful, human girl.� He said, softly.
�I love you too, Edward.� As my words left me I felt his lips brush across my neck. I held my breath, and then, I felt the fire start to run through me.

Author's Note

Having trouble with the editor. Here is the full story of Blood Lust since I can't edit the original. I wrote this before Breaking Dawn came out. Who would have thought it would be scarier then this?
Thanks for reading, and since the editor hates me as usual, please ignore some of the formatting.