breath knocks at the dead house

house as coffin

breath knocks at the dead house

breath knocked at my father’s door
there were odds looks by both parties
father showed him in
great hope ensued
but as father showed breath the back door
breath exhaled
disappearing into the vapor.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Stunning selection about how to picture such a situation! This is dripping with originality & creepiness & authenticity. I'm amazed at someone who can pick a path like this & make it come alive with words as you've done. We all know some old codger (like me) who lives like this (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Alfred Kukitz]

thanks robin!

dad wanted to control the entire universe but settled for our place. i could see him as a little hitler pounding into poland, my room, france, my mother, belguim my sister and sending us to our cemetery.

regards,
al

[Alfred Kukitz]

thanks Jacob!

we were the second house on the right. across the street lived john, my boyhood friend, his father and john continued ww 2 on a regular basis. our house was yelling with sporadic acts of violence.

regards,
al

[Robin Saxon]

The symbolism in this is very strong. Very good poem, well written.
Not sure why you say 'house as coffin' but I've no doubt you have your reasons.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the last house on the left...reminds me of how emily dickinson used metonymy in her poem "death in the opposite house"
first it was the building, then it was the aura of the situation, then it was the situation and lastly the size of the coffin.
j.