My Father's Days

remembering my father

My Father's Days

He died 2005 at 88. A man who served his country in WW II on Diamond Head for the entire war. He finished the 8th grade twice, started his career in a tannery until a milkman position opened. For dad, this was his first successful transition from one job to another. After the loneliness caught up with him he made his second successful job transition, that of cement plant worker at Whitehall Cement, where he worked the swing shift. Later he transitioned to janitor on the 3-11 shift. Finally leaving there without employment until the Pennsylvania Turnpike position opened. He left that job without having any future employment. Finally succumbing to another janitor position at an elementary school, probably the lowest paying job except perhaps the tannery job. He retired at 62 from that position.

He married Anna Gladish in 1946. Carol was the first child of three born 12 August 1947. Alfred followed in March 1949. It wasn't until 1958 Thomas was born.

Numerous fights occurred throughout the marriage. The children hated living at home. Carol quit school at 16. Alfred was drafted into the army after high school graduation. Tom remained in school until graduation, afterward securing a construction job.

My father wanted to control everything. He insisted on handling the money even when he didn't work. As years progressed the alienation grew. I wanted to avoid him at every turn. It wasn't until he neared death that he felt sorry for everything. My upbringing, his weak attempt to love us, his need to control, his influence for our poor self esteem, the money he spent without my knowledge I sent home from Vietnam for my college aspiration.

When he finally died a great relief washed over me, my sister as well, my brother continued to hate him even after his death. He's buried in Stiles, PA. I didn't visit him on Father's Day nor any other day.

Reviews

[Alfred Kukitz]

Thanks Carol!

It just happened! The last of family life, sister, her son, his wife and two children are now off the map.
I still have my wonderful dog Jackson!

Regards,
Al

[Alfred Kukitz]

Thank You Barleygirl!

The pluses of your mind and soul are greeted with treasure. Sorry to hear about your own upbringing!

Regards,
Al

[Carol Cashes]

Never feel guilty for how you feel about blood kin. I noticed barleygirl was quick to agree, we both have (had) siblings that we don't/didn't love. Blood does not automatically buy this emotion and too many suffer needless guilt when a parent or someone closely related dies with unresolved issues. Nope. Your piece doesn't read like there's guilt, and I hope that's true. The sad story is his, more than it is yours.

[barleygirl]

Way way before you got into the negative aspects of your relationship, I knew this was coming, becuz of the way you started out describing your father only in terms of the jobs he held. The long first paragraph was completely void of emotion or friendliness or anything about the humanity of the man. Having been sexually & violently abused by my own father regularly thru my first dozen years of life, I recognized this dysfunction even before you got to the point of describing it. This presentation has a chilling effect overall. And I understand completely. I pretty much forget Father's Day every year, I just blank out on all things "father" I guess! (((HUGS)))

(As always, your writing is of a very high standard!)

[Alfred Kukitz]

Thanks Jacob!

Polarizing is one of the finest qualities of the universe.

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is really sad, Al...and i know there are several who have had the most negative relationships with parents...especially fathers...this reminds me how lucky i was to have mine and how he was with his family...missed him so much on this Fathers Day...sorry your experience was so opposite...but then, you turned out to be a really good man!
j.