Sugar Treats & Beach Flower Wreathes

When we built

Castles in the sand

Complete with

Turrets and moats

Happiness was wet sand

Pressed in a unicorn-shaped mold

We laid a table for a feast of

Mud cakes, and

Sun-baked seashells, and

Behind the toothpick fence

We were safe

We were safe

But the sun sank and drowned

The evening wind scattered

Our fair weather laughter, and 

The bright blue sea turned into

An ink black snake that swallowed

Our straw hats, shovels, and pails

Oh, what is love, but a sand brown 

Sugar treat melting in a salty sea

A moment that withers and dies like

Yellow beach flower wreathes

Reviews

[barleygirl]

OMIGOD! I love this! I was mesmerized while reading, feeling surprise & relatability in every line. This could apply to a single experience like love or a job, and then it could symbolize the whole of one's life, but let's not forget how this also depicts the typical eras thru which most of us have lived, seemingly starting out in the good old days & traipsing along over to this hellish mess we're in these days, in a planetary backwash (((HUGS)))

[Laz K.]

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for responding. You have a keen eye and sense of imagery, of course, to unpack the metaphors and such.

Thanks again!

[emmajoy]

The feelings behind those words seem heartfelt, at first, for sure gentle - as sincere as words can portray. Such a sadness when thoughts become negative, whether due to fear or a need to escape for own self.

Great line, ' - a sand brown - Sugar treat melting in a salty sea. Re-reading, could be memories of teens; time before innocence lost; wishing time could be re-captured. Perhaps.

[Laz K.]

It's up to the reader to interpret or project meaning into the words. Sadness and loss we all have to experience and deal with in this life. Some let it wash over them, some drown in it, some try to deny how much it hurts to lose.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It's always appreciated. :)

[John the Baptist]

The last four lines reminded of the end of MacBeth's soliloquy. Yes, love can have us riding high with its seeming perfection for a while, but then things go awry and suddenly our straw hats and pails are swallowed. The only consolation is that we may learn something from the experience.

[Laz K.]

You're right about the learning opportunity. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[Seriana]

Wow, this is a delight to read. I see what you mean, on the edge of reality/fantasy. I'm totally there, in this moment, wind in the back, sun going down, and the scent of sweetness wafting through the air. Each line further down I felt the sun slipping away knowing it would end, just like love does some times. Props to you. Love this!

[Laz K.]

Thank you for this lovely response! I guess we all write for ourselves, but when someone "gets it" the world becomes a better place for a while. :)

[Poetic Beauty]

Some loves aren’t meant to last forever and be but a mere speck of time. Some we hope to be long term but unfortunately it fades quicker than we like. Love is a mystery on many levels

[Laz K.]

So true.
Thank you for reading and commenting.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this reminds me of a relationship with a sibling, that washed away with the waves of life.
beautifully haunting in its production...
thank you for writing something that for me is often too painful to write.
j.

[Laz K.]

Thank you, j, for reading and commenting.
You're right: it is, or could be, about a relationship between siblings and the terrible loss one feels when such a close connection is severed.

[Chris Shaw]

Wonderful imagery here in this poem of contrasts. I couldn't help thinking, when it's good it is very very good but when it's bad it's horrid. Love when it sours is horrid, no doubt about that.

Chris

[Laz K.]

Thank you, Chris, for reading and commenting. I absolutely agree with your thoughts.

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome Laz. All the best.

[Dave Brown]

The way I read this, I wonder if you are being a bit too harsh on love

[Laz K.]

I hope I'm not treating love unfairly. I'm her biggest fan! (:)) What's more, She (Love personified) inspired me to write this, saying that She's sick and tired of people having unrealistic expectations of Her. She is a part of this world, and as such She is subject to the law of birth-growth-decay, just like everything else.
I think She's very frustrated with me, because I'm one of those fools that wished a sandcastle could last forever.

[Dave Brown]

In fact, I am with you on that
We, two families, yearly enter a sandcastle building contest and they were one H of a ton of work just to watch disappear in the incoming tide, but fun!
Keep writing