Bondage

Speak to me, love, for your

Words bring this world to life

Your parting lips are my guiding star

Secrets whispered bind us

They are our inheritance

Remember the wings

We made from syllables?

We laughed and bathed

In the seas in the sky

Too high, perhaps, and

Too far did we roam, but

Kept out of heaven

We fell back to earth like a stone

Your silence renders me a voiceless fool

I'd call out your name, but my

Words drown in the hollows

Of my heart in a festering pool

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A realistic poem for the daring journey into love embrace.
"I'd call out your name, but my
Words drown in the hollows
Of my heart in a festering pool"
I loved the above lines. You allowed the reader to view these words. Thank you Laz for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Laz K.]

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It's much appreciated.

[tranquilspace]

Two people really were in a bondage, at least that's how it felt for me. thank you for sharing

[Laz K.]

Thanks for reading and commenting.

[tranquilspace]

No problem

[Chris Shaw]

The higher you fly, the further you fall. That:s how I felt about this exceptional write. That heart in a festering pool, is in deep trouble. Break ups are earth shattering.

Chris

[Laz K.]

Thanks for reading and commenting. You're right about breakups...sigh...:(

[Chris Shaw]

Yep, they are the pits. The good news is that the hurt does soften after a time.

[Dave Brown]

I am always typically impressed with your writes and this is no exception.
Although some are not 'smooth' enough for my ease of reading, the quality always remains
This was easy to read and sounded like the relationship I had with my first serious girlfriend

[Laz K.]

Thank you, Dave.
Sorry about that first girlfriend, though...:)

[Delmar Cooper]

The graph of this poem, to me, is from high exaltation to deep despair. The lines are, as others have mentioned, beautiful, but not uniformly so. Perhaps this is intentional. Some of the mechanics disturb me as a reader. I read through the poem in blank verse but toward the end there is near rhyme and perfect rhyme; these seem out of place with the rest.

[Laz K.]

I appreciate it when someone goes beyond commenting and ventures a short analysis or critique. It's interesting to see how others see, hear, and react to what we put together in our own head.

What you said about rhymes is true. It's not consistent throughout; I am conscious if it, but it sounds pleasing to me. I think you meant to say "free verse" not "blank verse." (Blank verse is poetry based on unrhymed lines and a definite meter, usually of iambic pentameter, whereas free verse is free from both regular meter and rhyme.)

It could be interesting and challenging to experiment with certain forms, but I'm in that lazy phase when I just do what feels right. Sounds like every amateur's excuse...:)

Thanks for taking the time and giving your thoughts!

[Delmar Cooper]

You are entirely right about the terminology. I suppose because English so often is naturally spoken in iambs and often in odd numbered units I confused the two. Poetry, or any literary form, written solely for the writer's enjoyment is immune to the sentiments of readers. It is a conceit of my own to fret about how someone else, a reader, might perceive a thing I have written. It is argumentative of me and a constant failing that I want some stranger to think as I do. Each work of writing is its own castle.

[Laz K.]

"Poetry, or any literary form, written solely for the writer's enjoyment is immune to the sentiments of readers." That's an interesting idea, and I'll have to give it some thought.

"Each work of writing is its own castle." That I absolutely agree with. I also think of writing as "thought architecture."

[Lorry]

I always feel that pointing out a particular line is like saying the rest is rubbish, and there are so many here as to make it a bit pointless and I should just be impressed with the entire write. L.. BUT "remember the wings we made from syllables" has left me wondering why I never thought of that. Even the title had me wondering if I should change my settings to grown up mode 😊

[Laz K.]

Thank you, Lorry, for reading and commenting.
I often get the feeling you talk about ("Why haven't I thought of that?") while reading others' stuff - including yours. :)

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

This is a nice poem and speaks to a love between two in a deeper almost spiritual passion of union. At first from the title I thought it would be speaking of another type of bondage to be honest. One which I touched on in a previous writing after talking to a female about her experience in Shinbari. Thank you for sharing your poem.

[Laz K.]

"a love between two in a deeper almost spiritual passion of union"
I like this description. :)

Thank you for reading and commenting; it's much appreciated.

[John the Baptist]

"the wings we made out of syllables". Very good use of imagery in this offering about a love that may have become too intense. Human relationships can only go but so far; beyond that point of departure they usually burn themselves out.

[Laz K.]

I'm afraid you're right about that painful truth.
Thank you for reading and commenting; it's always much appreciated.