Nineteen

Darby just stared at him, not comprehending what he had just said.

He has to be lying. It can’t be true.

She took a breath before saying, “Kellen, I love you.”

He was hurt, but no other emotion was on his stolid face, “Please don’t say that,” he murmured.

“I love you more than anything, and I know you love me too.”

“I don’t,” he said quietly, “I can’t. I’m so sorry.”

Tears started to run down her face, “That’s not true. I know you and you. . . you have to.”

It actually surprised how badly this information pained her. She didn’t know him that long, yet ever since she first met him there was always an attraction. But love, she wasn’t aware that she felt this strongly for him. But she could see now how true it was and that she really did love him. And she knew he felt the same.

He has to.

“You can’t know me, no one knows me,” he wiped the tears off her cheeks, “please, love, don’t cry.”

She moved away from his hand, “You don’t know yourself, but I can tell. You’re not some dark monster that you think you are. Deep down you love me.”

“Deep down there’s nothing. All I am is darkness, I’m not mortal, I’m not one of your light faeries. I’m as close to a demon as it gets.”

She stood up, she was getting frustrated that he wasn’t hearing her, “Say it, say you love me. I know you can. . . please,” she begged, but it was starting to get through to her, she was doing this for her sake.

He’s telling the truth.

She broke down and fell to the floor.

His face contorted with torture and agony as he knelt beside her and held her in his arms as his wings wilted across her back limply, “I’m sorry, Darby, I’m so so sorry,” 

She pulled away. Under normal circumstances it would have been near impossible for her to do so but he just let her go. 

She went into their bedroom, sensing that he was following her back. She spun around and tugged him with her onto the bed and kissed him desperately.

“What are you doing?” He asked breathlessly as she unbuttoned his shirt.

“Take me,” she told him, “I’m ready, make me forget my name.”

He forced himself free, “I can’t do that to you.”

“Why the hell not?! Last night you were all for it.”

“You’re doing it for the wrong reason.”

“So, you don’t love me or want to have sex with me?” She asked calmly, making sure they both understood.

“Darby, that’s not fair. I want to, d****t I want it so bad, but I can’t. Not like this.”

She rose and grabbed her backpack off the floor in the closet, she hadn’t had to use it she almost forgot she had it. Then she began to stuff all her things in it that she had brought when she first came.

“You’re leaving,” he stated, the look of anguish returning to his face.

“I have to. I think we both know that.”

“Where will you go?” He asked.

“I’ll find someplace.”

He pulled out his wallet and offered her the stack of cash in it.

“I don’t want your money,” she snapped, turning from him.

He ignored her and stuffed it into her bag before picking up one of her shirts that was on the ground. Slowly he handed it to her as he said, “Please stay here, with me, we can work it out,” he pleaded.

“You said so yourself that you couldn’t. How are we supposed to work it out?” She snatched the article out of his hand. She barely recognized her own voice, it was to cold. But she was to numb to care.

“Just. . . don’t leave me.”

She couldn’t look into those dark begging eyes, she didn’t know if she could find the strength to do what she knew she had to do if she did, “You’ll find someone. You always do.”

“Not this time I won’t. You leave me and I’m going to wake up alone,” he promised her, “stay.”

Tears were falling off her cheeks, and she couldn’t stop them as she looked at him. She almost thought she saw a tear trickle out of his eye. She couldn’t respond.

His hand caressed her face gently, “I’m sorry. If I could it would all be for you. But just because I don’t love you doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

“You can,” she said again, “I know you love me, you just aren’t able to admit it.”

He looked down, and it looked like the sorrowful face of an angel, “Darby, you’re wrong.”

She turned away from him and walked out of the room, her grip tight on the bags strap. It was the only reminder to her that she was still conscious. She felt like she was in a daze as she reached the front door.

“I’m sorry, love,” he mumbled once again, giving her his coat to warm her up and she barely had the chance to put on her glamour as she stepped outside the flat.

“I’m always going to love you,” she told him, closing the door as the last tears escaped.

Nothing is going to change that.

Darby kept her eyes on the cement as she walked away. Fey stopped in the sidewalk and stared as she passed. She could easily guess what they must be thinking.

The Dark King finally let her go.

She blinked away the tears and pulled out her phone. She needed someone to help her, needed a friend. He picked up on the second ring.

“Darby?”

“Hey, Seth.”

“Darby, are you okay? You sound upset.”

“I’m anything but okay,” she laughed weakly, “I. . .” she heard voices in the background, “are you busy?”

“Oh, just business,” she could hear him move away from the sounds, “are you crying? What’s going on?”

“Can you come and get me?”

“Of course,” he said in confusion, “Umm, where are you?”

“I’m outside Kellen’s flat.” It took all her self-control not to break down again when she said his name.

He didn’t ask any questions, only said, “I’m on my way.”

She hung up and sat on the curb. She kept her eyes closed and waited. Time was moving slowly, but she didn’t care. It didn’t affect her one way or the other. She ignored all the noise that echoed around her, she felt alone despite the throng of people walking and the shrill honk of car horns.

I could go back up. I could pretend that everything was okay and forget about love, it doesn’t matter. He matters. 

But she couldn’t lie convincingly to herself. 

It wouldn’t have lasted.

She knew that fully now, and the truth of it burned her lungs.

“Darby?” A clear voice asked. And part of her hated that it wasn’t him.

She looked up at Seth’s worried face. She couldn’t even fake a smile to show that she was happy to see him, “Hey.”

He pulled her up and for a moment she just allowed him to hold her. The warm embrace of her king was enough to wake her body up. “Come on,” he urged, “let’s get out of the rain.”

Rain? When did it start raining?

She nodded and followed him into an alley. The rain was pounding now and she was surprised that she didn’t notice it before.

“I flew here. I didn’t think you wanted to wait a couple of hours if I drove all the way from Multnomah. Are you going to be okay to fly or do you want me to hold onto you?”

“I’ll be fine,” she mumbled, “thanks.”

His eyes were still concerned but he gave in, “Alright, follow me.”

They flew in silence, she didn’t want to talk and she was sure he got the gist of what was going on. In a little more than a half hour they landed in Portland and Seth called a guard to pick them up.

“Do you want to pick up something to eat? It might help, comfort food is what the mortals call it,” Seth questioned, breaking the silence.

“I’m not hungry,” she told him. Then after a second began, “Later, could you take me to a hotel? I’m sorry, it’s just I don’t have a car.” She was starting to regret having called him. He couldn’t help her, and even if he was able to take her to a hotel she should’ve just walked so she didn’t have to involve him. But she had to admit that she needed light, her King, a friend. 

“In your state I’m not about to leave you alone,” he put an arm around her. The coat Kellen gave her wasn’t do much to shelter her against the rain and the sudden cold. The minute he touched her warmth flooded through her veins. “You can stay with me.”

“I can’t, that’s too much.”

“Do you even have money to get a room?”

“Yeah, a little. I don’t know it’s enough.”

He turned angry, “He just turned you out into the street without money? I can’t believe him.”

“Actually, it was his money. I didn’t want it, but I think it’s enough. And it wasn’t like that, I left him.”

Disbelief colored his voice, “Why? I thought you were happy there?”

I was.

She couldn’t answer right away. It hurt too much.

He looked over at her and backtracked, “I’m sorry, tell me when you’re ready, I didn’t mean to push you.”

“I love him,” she forced out.

He nodded in understanding, “The dark fey don’t love.”

The tears began to spill, “So, I left. I’ve realized that in being a light faerie I need love,” she made it sound like a bad thing.

“I’m sorry,” the words were genuine and made her feel worse.

He’s guilty.

She couldn’t taste it, but it was obvious in his tone.

“It’s not your fault, it’s what I am.”

And I hate it.

He didn’t talk anymore as a car pulled over and they got in. It was a quick drive and soon they drove up into a mansion. Light fey were scattered all over the yard, dancing with their wings spread out around them. 

“What are they doing?” Darby gasped, “The humans will see their wings.”

He laughed, “They’re using their glamour. No one can see them beside other faeries.”

“Are they always here?” She inquired in awe, watching them spin carefree.

“Not always. I like having them around though, they make me happy,” he smiled and waved at a group of girls twirling and giggling, “let’s go inside.”

She let him lead her in the brightly lit home. He took her upstairs into his room. He sat on the bed and said, “We can talk here, no one will bother us.”

She sat down next to him, “Thank you.”

He chuckled, “No problem. But I haven’t done anything yet.”

“You just don’t know it, but you did.”

He beamed, “Your welcome then. So,” his smile disappeared, “how are you doing?”

“I don’t know, I can’t really feel anything.”

No emotion, like him.

“I shouldn’t have let you be with him. I knew that eventually it was going to end badly.”

“I probably wouldn’t have listened anyway. How did you know?”

“Isn’t it obvious? He’s the king of darkness and everything bad. He has a girl constantly and it’s never for very long. He doesn’t deserve you.”

He doesn’t know my Kellen.

She felt a pang of loss as she realized that he wasn’t hers anymore.

“Please don’t talk bad about hi,. Trust me, if you knew what I saw in him-”

“I’d throw up,” he told her honestly.

She gave him a disapproving look before sighing, “I don’t want to think about him. Could you distract me?”

He smiled, “That’s what I’m here for.”