Miserable England.

Poem - ATC

Where in the world is my human value?
What purpose do I have if I don't have you?
If I don't have anybody life's worthless.

Comitted misfitted lovers troubled by
each other in pity we suffer.

We are the tortured souls,
Feeling all alone in overpopulation
But we don't know what to do,
Individually or as a Nation
So we recluse into the safety net of our own isolation
We have lost control, become the destruction out of creation.

So we build and we buy and we shield
our desires because there's no sense or
normality in a bewildered society.

Nobody wants to work as slaves
but then they cage themselves every day
Looking away from each other trying to change
who they are for the better ignoring
the deranged new modern humanity

"Lifestyle." - life matters.


Stop being sad and blocking it out
trying to feel something by blotting light out
We're all shattered with no motivation
Drained of every sort of emotion,

Looking around desperate for guidance
Support us please as we look for meaning or some
clue what to do.

Or should we keep dreaming?

Move about from place to place,
People just seem to be running away,
Chasing after nature a way to feel
not this numb constant state of pain
that isn't real it rains down here
It drizzles,

It's toxic, miserable England.

Author's Note

We sit in the house and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!'

"'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!'"

- Network

Reviews

[Gaston Villanueva]

"Nobody wants to work as slaves
but then they cage themselves every day
Looking away from each other trying to change
who they are for the better ignoring
the deranged new modern humanity"
That was my favorite part and I got a good sense of what it's like to live in England haha
Well done

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you :) yes it certainly seems more and more people are moving out of England!!

[Chris D.]

This one sucked me in, the same way a child draws that last drop of milk out of a shake, your last word was just as tasty as the first..:) Very moving my friend, a true massage of the mind.. Thanks for undressing your soul for us!!

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you so much Chris D :)

[nazia]

We all want to break free and life life according to our own will.. however we do not always get the chance to do so. I so agree with you Ally :)

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you Nazia :)

[Alexis Joy]

it doesn't seem as though this poem has a rhythm. that's the key to great poetry: rhythm. i'm not saying that this poem has to be a haiku, or things of that sort, but phrase things in a way that it makes sense. at the same time, you can still get the message across by using rhythm. honestly, i find that poetry with long lines is quite hard to read, same goes with poems that use unnecessary words.
"We are all alone here tortured souls
and the world is just getting more populated
as we recluse into isolation
we don't know what to do anymore,"
could be worded as
"We are tortured souls
All alone
Clueless about our actions
Isolated from a growing population"
it still gets your message across, but in a much smoother format

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

I see your point about the rhythm of poetry and if you see this stanza as really upsetting the overall piece however your suggestion only covers two of the points that I originally was making in this stanza.

We are the tortured souls,
Feeling all alone in overpopulation
But we don't know what to do,
Individually or as a Nation
So we recluse into the safety net of our own isolation
We have lost control, it's destruction out of creation.

What do you think?

[Alexis Joy]

possibly, removing excess words like "of" "or" "all" "have" etc could benefit the whole piece.
read morepossibly, removing excess words like "of" "or" "all" "have" etc could benefit the whole piece.
what message are you trying to convey?

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

I don't understand what you mean here could you please give me an example?

[Alexis Joy]

"So we build and we buy and we shield
our desires because there's no sense or
normality." sample stanza
"Build
Buy
Shield our desires
Sense, Normality is nothing"

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you for your suggestion but your version totally misses the point of the stanza again, th "and" is supposed to be repetitive in the representation of how we act out these coping mechanisms repeatedly and almost robotically because everybody just wants to find their place among the people but in a distorted society conformity is so confusing that no one knows what to do anymore. Normality isn't nothing, I'm saying it isn't present and nor is common sense. I hope this clears up this stanza for you. - Thank you again for your suggestions I am always pleased to hear some real critiscm it really helps a writer improve their work I appreciate it.

[sereenaoutloud]

great write and so true. We do all live in our cages wanting to break free but stuck or not knowing how to make the change. !

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Yes it is a tough one and the easiest option seems to blame the government and rebel but that doesn't really solve anything, I think getting rid of big branded businesses such as supermarkets, Starbucks etc would make a huge difference in the economy. People would go back to having their own trade or business and would be more likely to grow their own vegetables.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Anger can move people into the direction that creates a productive environment
instead of one of destruction. Here lies a good note of that.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you :)

[R Smith]

pretty damning state of the UK in this one, we can be insular as we seek to hide away with possessions and dream of what could be, our lives have value and your words can bring us to the belief in ourselves, one day maybe more will see this :)

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you Richard :)

[....................]

Our lives have become so empty that we need to surround ourselves with material things in order to 'compete' for affection, even if it comes from a TV or iPad, or some other device. We bottle our emotions and cage ourselves in our own little worlds, peeping only within the realm of distant networks because that's what we've been encouraged to do. All we need to do is to live with and among each other to break the cycle. There may be hope but we are a long way from it yet. Nice write.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

What a lovely review and great insight thank you :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

that is the problem today...too many people run away from the problems in the world, confined, caged in their own isolation..
i like the paradoxes in this poem...nobody wants to be slaves yet we chain ourselves just the same...
we allow ourselves to be manipulated by this new society. If we stop and quite being reclusive, maybe we can work our way back to freedom.

jacob

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you for your feedback Jacob, I agree it is a tough paradox sometimes seems perhaps we have gone too far to be able make such a radical change.

[Ana D S M]

It seems seems there are too many silos, or corner pockets, where people just withdraw to rather than reach about to live and take charge of what is theirs by rights. Freedom.

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Easier said than done I think first step waking up :)