Life Story.

literally.

If my life were like a book and each of my days were a page,

Would there be a particular number that would catch my critical gaze? 

Could interest and intrigue proceed and perceive the thoughts of my mind?

Should I flicker and look away not even to lend an eye?

So I would pick up my indelible pen and attempt frivolously to rewrite,

Perhaps skipping chapters to the end to see it turn out alright. 

But the characters along the way, 

I think they'd grip my heart and make me stay.

I want to care,

To feel like I was really there. 

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Ally,
It's Richard here, to read and review one of your pieces for the first time, and I am thoroughly enjoying this one very much, because it highlights who you are in unique and creatively appealing ways that are both entertaining and enlightening; it, also, brings to mind those times I've often looked back on life and considered composing my own autobiography into a book.

In particular, the manner in which you've exemplified how you might overlook certain aspects of your life, even glibly considering rewriting them, even overlooking parts so it all cold end as you'd have wished is very interesting and thought-provoking, and I can most definitely relate … in a BIG way. : )

How beautifully you've captured the essence of those who've enlightened and enhanced your life, those individuals you'd keep, even through the thick and thin, the dark and light, the proud and regretful changes you'd gone through.

In regard and respect to your penultimate line, I think this very open, honest, and nostalgically-rendered work satisfies that need quite succinctly, as it does the finalé.

Bravo and kudos to you, Ally, for sharing such a deep and abiding part of your "Life Story" with us in this wonderfully appreciatively way. With the exception that the mind's-eye presentation could be greatly enhanced, as could punctuation in a few spots, and resisting unnecessarily beginning every line with a capital, this would be a virtual little masterpiece. The picture illustrates and exemplifies the thought, feeling, and mood just perfectly.

Whatever, Ally, you've completely captivated and swept me up into your life's thoughts and considerations, in such a way that I shall not forget this revealing of You, and I thank you most sincerely for it! ⁓ Richard


(85/100 could easily be 100/100)

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you Richard! I really appreciate such an extensive review, I have often thought about my punctuation in this piece and I believe you're right it needs to be considered, i'm so pleased you enjoyed it

[Richard🖌]

As as Free Verse piece, Ally, it lacks in structure … I would be most happy to help you in making this excellent work the virtual masterpiece it deserves to be; just message me if you'd like to see it presented as such.
You are most welcome, and I thank you, too, Ally! ⁓ RJ : )

[ANM]

Life story, alas a lot of it is beyond our control Nice words well done!

i was brought up in Northfleet, All Saints Road!! Small world..

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you :)

Wow I'm pretty sure Northfleet is the smallest town in Britain haha.

[ANM]

haha guess it has changed a lot not been there for about ten years or more!

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Oh yes it most certainly has, I would keep the old Northfleet in mind if I were you haha.

[ANM]

Ah yes Baldwins store the Pelham arms and the chippy by the Zebra crossing!! (cant remember its name)

[Tom Lumsden]

a conceptual poem that rings true with rhyme and cadence it does catch my "interest and intrigue". But to careto feel like I was really there I need details images. I am ready to read the book of your life but where are the chapters? This is promising, good writing but you in my opinion need to fill in the pages

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you for your feedback :)

[paddy d daly]

An intriguing little piece, it kinda' sucks you in, if you know what I mean...

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Thank you :)

[Kaitlynn A. Black]

This is why we pare the pear and split it deuce, sharing it's lovely friendship juice! =D

As a scribbler of words, characters come and go. But there is one important thing I think I know... The book doesn't end until I put the pen down. So as long as I keep it up and carry no frown, then all is well along the wordly ground.

I liked your poem!
XO - Kate

[Tinotenda Nyevedzanai]

Haha that was great, thank you :) a fine wordsmith you are indeed!